Only one child?

littlemeadows

Hi! I'm new here. I'm a first time mom at 21. My boyfriend of 6 years and I are expecting our first baby. I'm so in love with this little baby, but it's been nothing but health issues since the beginning. I suffer from a lung disease and since the pregnancy has began, the breathing issues I've had have worsened and I'm experiencing some heart issues now. My boyfriend and I have talked a little and agree that it might just be too much of a risk to have more children, especially since the lung disease only worsens in time. Any family or friends I've told seem to backlash and tell us we'll change our minds or think it's stupid to only have one child, which makes me feel guilty. It almost feels wrong to only have one, but I want what's best for him or her (not sure of the gender yet!)
Has anyone else ever had to deal with this sort of thing?

rshamos

There is nothing wrong with having one child. A lot of people do! Don't let others dictate your life choices. You know what's best for you, your health, and your family. It's better that you care for the child you have now, than potentially not be able to do so bc you were pressured into having another child that you couldn't physically carry. Good luck and I hope all goes well.

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krystrist2014

Im sorry youre facing this kind of difficulty in your pregnancy. But I don't think you should let other people sway you one way or another. If I were you, I would put the decision about having more kids in the back of my mind and just get through this pregnancy. Once its all over and you have your beautiful baby, then you can truly consider whether the benefits outweigh the risks. Other than yourself and your husband, the only person you should consult is your doctor. Hang in there!

byrne15

There is NOTHING wrong with having one child and don't let anyone else make you feel differently

mlee116

Yeah, I agree with PP's.  Don't let people bother you or sway you.  They are not the ones carrying this child or your future children or the ones raising them, so they don't get an input in your family planning, period.

irish2014

I'm an only child and had an awesome childhood. Actually, I was the cool kid in school because everybody else had siblings. There's nothing wrong with only having 1!!!

JCM285

Don't listen to people! DH and I are both only children and we turned out fine. Honestly, I was also considering having one, less for health reasons and more for financial reasons. The only foolish decision you could make is to have children that you are unable to care for (for whatever reason). If you are not going to be in good health, why in the world would you put all that pressure on yourself? It seems as though you are considering this is a very responsible way :-)

Eora3

I am so sorry you are having health issues. It sounds like a lot of people in your life are being insensitive.

Please keep in mind that physically having biological children is not the only way to build a family. Adoption is not an easy road, but it can be life changing for everyone involved. If it isn't safe for you to get pregnant again, it doesn't mean you can't have more children.

littlemeadows

Thank you everyone for your kind words! I really thought I was thinking of it from a rational point of few. It just kind of blew me away when so many people keep telling me that I'll change my mind and are pushing the health to the back burner. My parents have been absolutely wonderful and supportive and I couldn't be happier. They just want me and their grand baby to be healthy and happy!

blessdtxas

Congrats on the baby! I am sorry to hear that you are suffering from health issues. I agree with PPs - you have to do what is right for you and your family. You do a second child no good if you aren't healthy enough to take care of them.

I think it's crazy that your friends/family are already thinking about your next child. How about focusing on the little one that is growing now! So many things can change in the future, it's silly to get worked up over what if's and maybes. I would tell them to mind their own business and you and your BF will decide if/when you will have another child when that time comes.

JulieSC81

I came from a family of SIX children (yikes lol) so I did not want my DS being an only child and he is super excited to have a sibling soon. BUT that is how I feel and the next family might feel that "one and done" is fine. And the next family might think that my "two and through" is too many or not enough. If you feel strongly about siblings, I would definitely talk with your dr who treats your lung condition and really think about your pros and cons. if you are happy with one, please do not let anyone convince you otherwise. Tell them that they have a say when they are responsible for the pregnancy, birth, and responsibilities of your children. You can also charge them monthly for all expenses .

irishtriplets

I agree with PP about not letting others dictate what you do about your family.  I got A LOT of flack for having my first 2 so close in age (they're just over 13 months apart).  And that we're having another one.  Especially with your health issues, you have to do what is best for you and your family.

This is only devil's advocate, I promise.  I'm an only child.  My dad had a stroke in March of last year and I had to sit in a neuro ICU all alone, watching and listening to machines keep him alive.  For 6 weeks.  I have an AMAZING husband but I was 6 weeks post partum and he had to go back to work.  No amount of supportive spouse can make up for a sibling.  Then find out in October he really had a stage 4 brain tumor and he died in January.  All of that to say, keep that in the back of your mind too.  Being an only child is not all the rose petals and butterflies that some people make it out to be. 

Just a different perspective, I promise.  I would NEVER judge someone about their family choice.  I just feel sometimes like people never hear the full only child story.  They get the oh you must be so spoiled and get everything you want side of things.  There is a darker, much more difficult side.  Planning my dad's funeral all alone still sticks with me sometimes, if I allow my mind to go there. My parents are also divorced and do not speak, so that plays into it too.

Good luck to you!  Please don't think I'm judging or trying to sway you one way or another.  That is absolutely not my goal.  If I had the health issues you do, even being as anti only child as I am for myself, I can't say I wouldn't stop at 1 as well. 

beachy6

People will continue to tell you that you'll want more, but you need to stick to your convictions because it's what is healthiest for you and your family. My DS has been an only for the last 11 years. People constantly told us that we needed another. While we were doing fertility treatments to have another, we were also pretty honest that he could be an only and it would be okay.

As an only, he is a really amazing kid and has had some life experiences and traveled to places with us that bigger families couldn't logistically go. Onlies are pretty cool kids and you'll be amazed with yours!! You'll find that a family of 3 is like a mini team that does everything together. We never have a sitter, we just all do things together. If one of us isn't there, it's like a piece of our team is missing. It really has been quite amazing to be a part of such a unique family!

brookey79

My DH is an only child and absolutely loved it.  He only wants one child.  I've always said that I've wanted 2, but with the challenges that having this LO have presented, I'm rethinking that decision.  My DH and I will make the decision together when the time comes.  Don't worry about the pressure from other people...do what is right for you and your family.

AngelSong76

If the fertility treatments hadn't worked when they did, we were going to have an only child.  It's a decision you guys need to make based on what's best for you.  I'm pretty sure there's an "only child" forum here if you want to check out other people's experiences with having an only.

Most importantly, don't let other people make you feel badly for choosing the best situation for your family.  It's your decision.  Make it for you and your SO, not for other people.

littlemeadows

Thank you so much everyone for the support! It's definitely making the decision easier. When the time comes, we may decide to have another but like everyone has said, it needs careful consideration and thought. For now, I one is a safe number and he or she will be so loved :x

PhDMomma

I'm an only, and there are pluses and minuses. I might check out the One and Done board, they typically have some good perspective on this. But, considering that you have medical issues, I would say that it's more important for this baby to have a healthy parent than worry about having more kids. 

ebilbao

This is tough, but for what it's worth, my husband and I are both only children, and we had great childhoods. I know I was afforded things by my parents I never would have had if I'd had a sibling, and I'm grateful for that.

zoester766

I am sorry about the health problems you are experiencing. I understand that in the american society many people have multiple children, but I was a single child and although I have been sad at times I have loved it most of the time. I have had opportunities to go places that a lot of people with many children could never take their kids( for example Spain or many many camping trips), go to schools that wre fat away from home because they were better, have a great relationship with both of my parents and so much more. Don't let them talk you into having multiple if you don think your health can handle it, having one child can be really great not saying multiples wouldn't but as a single child I must say I don't regret it, I am just very appreciative of what I had and the opportunities I got.