Setting limits with your IF brain ;)

wanderlust508

Anyone else sometimes feel like you need to self impose limits on how much you are allowed to go online and look at all things IF related??  Including posting on this board?  I am starting to feel that way and wondered if anyone else has those limits in place.  Thought it was an interesting question to pose  

I don't mean to say that I think posting/reading on this board is a BAD thing.  On the contrary, this community has been a great source of support and made me feel so much less alone in the IF journey.  But sometimes I get so "in my head" with the IF stuff and this board sometimes becomes part of the obsession (LOL).  For instance, I usually view 3T from my mobile phone (I don't post/respond as often as I'd like because it's such a pain posting from my phone!).  And I will often throughout the day refresh the 3T page to see what new topics are trending.  Who is where in their treatment cycle.  Who recently got a BFP (I love seeing those).  And any other topics of interest.  But just recently I'm starting to notice that I spend SO much of my free time lurking 3T that maybe it's a little unhealthy!  Anyone else ever feel that way?  

I just think that the IF journey in general sometimes makes me feel like I'm losing my sense of self.  Thoughts/feelings/actions are usually driven by IF and I sometimes think "Who am I?  When did I become this person??"  Not sure if I'm even making any sense here!  It's the smallest things that add up to make me feel like this.  The fact that I've given up alcohol and caffeine in my 2WW used to be hard but are actually now just normal things I do!  But I used to love running ...can't anymore because my RE highly recommended I find other cardio activities.  I used to get really excited about going shopping for clothes ...doesn't interest me anymore (looking at adorable baby clothes on the other hand ...haha).  I used to be an avid reader ....have barely read any books (and when I have, they've been fluff that just wasn't satisfying).  I started taking guitar lessons in January and actually was doing pretty well with picking up the chords!  And I was loving it.  Well ever since I did my first IUI in April, I've completely abandoned it.  I feel like I'm progressively rambling here but just trying to get a sense whether other people can relate on this!  

shirleymaeby

I agree...I know I lurk an unhealthy amount (and at work most of the time). But since I started posting here I have had such a sense of relief and knowing there are people who get me is like a drug after 4 years of feeling totally alone. I think that posting here is maybe the only thing that has kep me sane during this last 2ww. And I love every single goddamn one of you infertility warriors.

gsancho

Sometimes I'll take a weekend break from TB so I'm not living and breathing IF all the time. That usually seems to help. But then I worry I'm missing out on people's updates that you like to follow. So by Sunday night, I'm back. I only google or look at IF content beyond this site when I absolutely have to...b/c that's definitely a black hole

wanderlust508

Thanks for your responses ladies! @kmdecoux - I totally feel you on the sense of relief in knowing that others are going through the same thing! I haven't been at it as long as you but still ...it has just made me feel so much better realizing that we are all going through similar struggles and that we don't have to do it alone! I think that's why it's hard for me to set limits with myself. This place truly is an amazing safe haven for those of us dealing with IF. But there's a big part of me that doesn't want to allow IF to define me and/or control all my thoughts/feelings. I know, that's easier said than done! But I just want to believe that there's more to life than having a baby ....that other things (that are more within my control) are worthy of my time. Other things that can bring me joy or fulfill me in various ways. I'm just starting to firmly believe that the amount of time I spend online (here and elsewhere just googling symptoms, looking up success stories) is not healthy.

wanderlust508

@gsancho - Sounds like you have a pretty healthy balanced approach! I'm still constantly lurking on weekends lately. Good idea to take the weekend off. I'm gonna try that this coming weekend

catlover790

I understand what you are saying. I have been on here more since I finished the school year and have some time to myself, but I don't really read much IF related outside of the bump so I don't think it's too much. I do think that I find myself thinking about baby related stuff and there are constant reminders of what I don't have yet wherever I am. I also like to see where others are and I like to post welcomes for the other new people a lot.

I do try to enjoy my evenings with my DH and try not to think about it or talk about appointments and stuff during our dinner/evening time. I hardly am on during the weekends since my DH and I usually do fun things or I'm visiting family. I think it's hard to not think about IF related stuff because it's such a big part of my life at the moment and I just want to be pregnant so much!

Anyway, I think it's good you are recognizing that you've let some of your favorite things go but you should pick those activities back up! I too love reading and it really helps me to not think about IF stuff since I'm focused on something else!

brijen44

yes! and part of me is just trying to stop thinking about it all the time, because even the stress of that can cause me to not ovulate...ugh! I hear ya totally

shirleymaeby

Oh I agree, I know IF has taken over completely and I struggle to find a way to back away from it. Sometimes I am better at it than other times. I have taken a couple of breaks from it to de-stress. So cumulatively it has been 4 years, but it's actually been three of actively trying. And even on the months we weren't trying, we weren't not trying if that makes any sense. We just weren't tracking anything. I know that when we are done with the 4 IUI's my RE is comfortable doing that we will have to decide whether to put ourselves in debt doing IVF, or move on with our lives and let go. I hope that if the time comes when I have to let go that I will do it with dignity and grace instead of curling into a ball and crying for a year. I'm thinking about making DH take me to Mexico or something after IUI #4 if it doesn't work.

Pintobean39

Hi I'm pintobean39 and I have an addiction to the bumb ..... That's the first step right?

I'm probably on here way to much but I feel like this whole process has taken over my life to begin with. I feel like this group helps make me not lose my mind sometimes. I did take a break on vacation and even got a pm asking where was I at. Lol I guess that means others notice when I'm not around.

wanderlust508

kmdecoux said:

Oh I agree, I know IF has taken over completely and I struggle to find a way to back away from it. Sometimes I am better at it than other times. I have taken a couple of breaks from it to de-stress. So cumulatively it has been 4 years, but it's actually been three of actively trying. And even on the months we weren't trying, we weren't not trying if that makes any sense. We just weren't tracking anything. I know that when we are done with the 4 IUI's my RE is comfortable doing that we will have to decide whether to put ourselves in debt doing IVF, or move on with our lives and let go. I hope that if the time comes when I have to let go that I will do it with dignity and grace instead of curling into a ball and crying for a year. I'm thinking about making DH take me to Mexico or something after IUI #4 if it doesn't work.

I don't like thinking of the possibility that I may ever have to let go but I have thought about it too!  I completely agree with your sentiments on that.  

wanderlust508

Buttmonkey34 said:

I have been feeling this way a LOT lately ever since switching to IVF. MH is sick of me talking about it, but I feel like it runs my life sometimes. I just try to zone out on some reality TV occasionally with some wine (but I still find myself hitting pause button to check something online). And lately I dream about IF every fucking night.

OMG, I do this too!  It's like some critical question suddenly occurs to me and I mute the TV to find out the answer that second (something I never used to do during The Bachelorette ...my guilty pleasure haha).  

BunnyBerry

I have kind of the opposite feeling...we spent 5 years not really facing the infertility that is such a big part of our lives and who we are. It is a relief to me to find a voice as a member of an IF board.

I'm guessing that if this IF drags on too much longer, I will probably feel the need to back away from it for a while and focus on other areas. But I find that focusing on IF is helping me develop better coping and patience.

Sometimes I realize that I've taken a couple days off from TB but it's just automatic, without realizing it, because I was involved in other things, and I am glad of that too.

masterofallcheese

I know that sometimes I'm on here too much but dammit I feel so alone IRL. I have to paste a smile on my face every day and pretend I'm not suffering and here I can face the reality and just connect for once. I constantly check the bump on mobile at work and escape into the bathroom to get time without interruptions. I'm obsessed with having some control over IF and being on here also makes me feel like I have a modicum of it.

jennym25

I have found myself more into tb within the last couple of weeks as I geared into this month iui. I've been a lurker for a while but not wanting to share with friends and family just yet makes me go a little crazy and feel better when I read that I'm not alone. My husband is very supportive but he still doesn't really understand what goes in in my mind. I have tried to keep the IF thoughts to a limit but it's hard when I can't talk to my family and friends. I'm glad that 3T is here and I get to read about some of the experiences that I may have already been through or will be going through and know I'm not the only one that is in this crazy ride.

dancerspose

i totally understand where you're coming from.  I've only been on the site a few days and can already feel the obsession growing, especially while at work.

wanderlust508

Rcvb22 said:

@rainbowbridge14‌ how long have you been going to therapy? I've actually been seriously considering it. MH and I got in a heated discussion yesterday about my IF obsession lately. He's really worried about me and feels it's really taking over. He's totally supportive and loving, but sometimes he says things that he thinks will help me see a more positive way of looking at things but it comes out as very insensitive. For example I want him to just listen and say "I understand honey, it will be ok" instead he's like "you have to stop comparing yourself to everybody"...he's saying it to try and help me bc he knows I'm hurting, but it drives me mad! Anyway, I'm wondering if maybe a therapist will help me deal with the stress of it all and not have it take over. Is anyone else seeing a therapist for IF?

@rainbowbridge14 - I'm glad you are seeing the therapist and finding it beneficial in coping with IF!

@Rcvb22 - I just wanted to say that I can totally relate in having a husband who is more relaxed about these things and doesn't always say the right thing.  If I get upset about something IF related, he'll say "You need to stop getting so worked up over the smallest things.  It's not good for you"  He doesn't mean to minimize my feelings but it pisses me off when he says something like that!