SAHMs

smilingeyes2308

What do you aim to get done everyday?

How do you keep LO entertained?

I feel useless lately. Dinner is never made until my H gets home and can watch LO. Laundry gets washed & dried but NEVER folded. I basically manage to keep the house somewhat tidy (mainly just the kitchen & living room) and I vacuum daily and do the dishes. 

I feel like my house should be somewhat spotless since I'm home all day but I can't manage to keep LO entertained long enough to get anything done. She loves crawling around, which she does all day but I have to keep an eye on her at all times or else something gets shoved in her mouth. I seriously don't even know where she finds things to put in her mouth since I vacuum minimum once a day. 

I can never get on top of housework. 

Meganbryn

My hubby follows a pretty strict bodybuilding diet so we eat pretty different dinners. Unless we BBQ then he does the grilling anyways so I don't have to worry about dinner being on the table. Especially since he's off at 3 so we tag team dinner around 5.

As for cleaning... Yeah I just get the basics done: laundry, vacuum 2-3 times a week, dishes done and put away, cat box done, general tidying. I leave the bigger jobs for the weekend so either me or him can clean while the other watches LO.

A lot of the time I put her in the carrier while I clean and put laundry away. She seems to like it. Or I throw on a learning DVD for her. We have a playpen in our living room, we wouldn't survive without it she would be into everything all the time! She loves it in there with all her toys so she will entertain herself in there for a while usually while I get something done.

She only naps for 30 mins twice a day so it doesn't leave a lot of time.
We also go out 2-3 times a week to visit friends or family which sometimes ends up taking up a lot of our day.

Jenly117

First of all, dont feel useless! You are a great Mom! There are days where you just spin your wheels and you realize nothing got done, but that happens.

My day in a nutshell:
Wake up and feed the baby and the dog. Play with baby for about 45 mins (read, play with toys, work on sitting- we're still not there) Take dog and baby for a quick walk.(20 mins) Once home, feed baby solids and put her down for a nap. While she's napping, I work out for an hour..ME time! If she's still asleep when I'm done working out, I usually do something quiet like fold and put laundry away, run the dishwasher, clean up around the house. Whatever I don't get done in the morning, I catch up later when she takes her afternoon nap. FWIW, I deep clean only once per week. By that I mean mopping, and scrubbing and vacuuming and nitty gritty cleaning. I know alot of S13 moms vacuum everyday, but I don't have the time. H love to cook and I usually let him, but I have been trying to have dinner cooked and ready to go by the time h gets home from work. When I'm doing stuff around the house, I let LO play on her bouncer or play on the floor. She's not mobile yet, so I don't have to worry about her getting into things when I'm not there.

In general, I take it day by day. I try to accomplish something around the house AND outside of the house for my sanity. I like structure and always have, so I try to have a rough outline of what we'll do each day, but if it doesn't get done, well, there's always tomorrow.

Burrberrymum

I feel the same as you. I try to keep the dishes done and manage to get laundry done but I usually have to fold it the next day while sitting on the floor with DD.

I feel like I never ever get out of the house because between feeding her 3 meals and naps + getting at least 2 meals for myself we just don't have time. Sometimes I tell myself to ignore the things that need to get done and go out and do something other than focusing on the house.

I actually recently started putting A in her jolly jumper and letting her watch baby Einstein because I was seriously not getting anything done and this helps for days that things desperately need to get done.

You're a great mom even if you're not getting everything done. My MIL always tells me that a messy home means you're spending lots of time with your kids.

redfallon

I vacuum once a week. I also have plans to steam mop once a week, but that hasn't happened too much lately. Chores like dishes can get done either while she's napping, or I often put her in the Pack n Play and she likes to watch me. She also will watch me do dishes while sitting in her highchair with some Cheerios. Laundry is easy to get in the washer and dryer, but folding is a little more difficult. I've done it upstairs in the playroom with her crawling around me while I folded everything on top of the pool table (it has a cover on it). I agree with having somewhere to contain your LO while you're trying to do things. The Pack N Play works for me while we are downstairs. She has a little bucket that I fill up with small toys that she likes to empty and bang on. One of those big play yard things would be good, too. Our upstairs is one room, so that's why it's been turned into her play room. She can crawl all around it and no worries from me.

olga1311

I do most of the chores while she naps. Usually it's laundry ( including folding) , dishes, making lunch for me , picking things up, bill pay. When hubby gets home he watches her and puts her to bed and I make dinner. I am pretty lax abt housework though

Salemkitty13

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

If you have the space, seriously get a super play yard.  Mine is 36 square feet and safely and comfortably enclose my girls.  (Actually, DH and I can both sit in it with them, along with a cat.)  I leave toys in there and can safely walk away to do my laundry, cook, what have you.  Not to say that my house is spotless, but at least I can do things without worrying about them!

I bought the @happy_yahoo_personaler recommended and it's great! Thank you! And my DH thanks you!

smilingeyes2308

Thank you ladies for your encouraging words! I know I should try to chill more but to be honest - my H brings it up some way or another every time we argue. It frustrates me because he has no idea that being a SAHM is a full-time job and being a Mom/parent in general is the hardest job I've done. If I ever say that to him - he acts like I'm complaining about my life and mentions that he would rather do what I get to do than what he is doing. I love being a Mommy but it is definitely hard work and I wish he would see that. For the first 7.5 months of DD's life, I didn't even get a single second to myself. I recently started to get me time because she goes to sleep on her own now and doesn't wake up every 30 minutes so I have time to relax at night. I know I'm seriously ranting but I feel serious pressure from my H to have the house cleaned and dinner cooked. We eat out more than I'd like to admit and it bothers both of us. 3/5 days, H comes home late from work at around 7ish and then I have to put DD to bed at 7:20 so I have such a small window to try to throw something together (can't use the kitchen while DD is sleeping - bedroom is off of the kitchen, it's a weird layout..thank God we are moving in 2 weeks!) Sorry for ranting - it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one that isn't able to keep an extremely spotless house. Maybe I'll show my H some of these posts so he can see it's not just me Edit - For some reason I can't space anything out even though I'm not on mobile, sorry guys.

smilingeyes2308

@CurlingRocks thanks for the link!

Salemkitty13

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not realistic to expect your home to be spotless even if you could get it spotless each day how would you keep it that way. I sorta think about cleaning as a dog chasing its tail. 

I vacuum 2-3x a week now that DS is crawling and has been diagnosed with a bunch of allergies. I clean the bathroom and kitchen once a week and do dishes and laundry as I go. Mostly I just tidy up. My focus is on DS. We go somewhere every morning (pool, zoo, class, shopping) we come home he naps I eat and fold laundry. 

After his nap, He usually plays in his playpen while I clean.when I cook dinner I have a large clear Rubbermaid bin that I have some cut pool noodles in. DS sits in it and plays with a bag of toys while I cook until DH gets home. I like his sensory bin because its portable and he really enjoys it. DH watches him after he gets home until dinner is finished.

You are doing a great job. Be kind to yourself

smilingeyes2308

@Salemkitty13 thanks for your kind words love! If you don't mind me asking - what is a sensory bin?

smilingeyes2308

@happy_yahoo_personaler That seems awesome. DD would love that since she hates being in her highchair or playpen because she'd much rather crawl around. We're moving in a couple weeks and I'm not sure our new place would have the space but I'll make it work. I definitely couldn't leave it up all the time - does it disassemble easily? Thanks for your suggestion!

Salemkitty13

I'm sorry I'm never very clear. A sensory bin is a box filled with different items that gives the child sensory input. (Frequently noodles or rice with small toys hidden in it) In my case I was referring to the Rubbermaid bin filled with pool noodles that he sits in. It also has Easter eggs, some balls, and small toys in it. Here's a link with some ideas 

https://www.yourkidstable.com/2012/06/ultimate-list-of-sensory-bin-ideas.html

And a pic of DS

Burrberrymum

I get the same comments from my boyfriend on evenings that he is stressed out, he says the same thing that he would rather be in my place and that it's not as hard as I make it seem. It's disappointing to not feel appreciated for all the hard work. What they don't see is that we have to make 3 meals a day for LO and ourselves, diaper changes, get LO dressed, give them snacks, PLAY with them because that's what's most important, bathe them, console them when they fall etc etc. It's all the little things that make time feel like it's slipping through our fingers in a day. I try to explain those things to my boyfriend and there are times where he thanks me for all that I do with DD.


As for supper have you thought about prepping freezer bags with meals that you just have to throw into the crock pot on low? That way it will be ready once he's home. Take one day to prep it all and you'll be set for the month.

smilingeyes2308

@Burrberrymum‌ yep, that's exactly how I feel. I try to tell him as well but I'm assuming he thinks everything I list is still so much better than his job because he still acts the same way. When I bring it to his attention that he should appreciate the things I do, he tells me that he only says those things when were arguing or he's in bad mood, which is true. However, he still doesn't tell me I'm appreciated when he's not in a bad mood so I can only assume he truly means it. Andplusalso, his form of watching DD is holding her and not letting her go anywhere while he watches something on xbox..so I can see why he thinks it wouldn't be hard work.

redfallon

smilingeyes2308 said:

Thank you ladies for your encouraging words! I know I should try to chill more but to be honest - my H brings it up some way or another every time we argue. It frustrates me because he has no idea that being a SAHM is a full-time job and being a Mom/parent in general is the hardest job I've done. If I ever say that to him - he acts like I'm complaining about my life and mentions that he would rather do what I get to do than what he is doing. I love being a Mommy but it is definitely hard work and I wish he would see that. For the first 7.5 months of DD's life, I didn't even get a single second to myself. I recently started to get me time because she goes to sleep on her own now and doesn't wake up every 30 minutes so I have time to relax at night. I know I'm seriously ranting but I feel serious pressure from my H to have the house cleaned and dinner cooked. We eat out more than I'd like to admit and it bothers both of us. 3/5 days, H comes home late from work at around 7ish and then I have to put DD to bed at 7:20 so I have such a small window to try to throw something together (can't use the kitchen while DD is sleeping - bedroom is off of the kitchen, it's a weird layout..thank God we are moving in 2 weeks!) Sorry for ranting - it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one that isn't able to keep an extremely spotless house. Maybe I'll show my H some of these posts so he can see it's not just me Edit - For some reason I can't space anything out even though I'm not on mobile, sorry guys.

I'm guessing that he doesn't help with bedtime, either? Our routine for bedtime starts around 7:30-7:45. He changes her into her night time diaper, pajamas, and sleep sack, and then hands her over to me to rock her to sleep. He gets home around 6pm, though, so we have dinner and then the bedtime routine. If your DH gets home at 7 and her bedtime routine starts at 7:20, I'd say he can get his own damn dinner. I agree with @jnetx that he needs a reality check. Does he help you at all even on the weekends?

smilingeyes2308

@redfallon he used to change her diaper and put her pjs on before bed but now that DD hates being changed more than ever, he will start to change her and then say "I don't want her to associate bad feelings with me, I just got home and I'm making her cry" so then I feel like the bad guy and I end up doing it. He used to read a story to her win me and then I rock and we sing her into a drowsy state. That doesn't happen anymore either but that's because when he's there, it gets her more worked up before bed. So, I just do bedtime by myself. He also doesn't bathe her, it gives him anxiety to see her near water (she dunked her face in one time attempting to eat the water). On the weekends, he will change her diaper for the whole day but by the third one he whines that I haven't changed her once. He's a good Dad, he loves her but I just feel he's not very involved. I ranted again. Sorry. Edited because spelling is hard.

olga1311

Wow you'd DH sounds like a piece of work to be honest. Unless you put some boundaries like he has to be more involved , he needs to be able to handle her changing, her dressing etc even if he doesn't like it.

redfallon

@smilingeyes2308 said:

@redfallon he used to change her diaper and put her pjs on before bed but now that DD hates being changed more than ever, he will start to change her and then say "I don't want her to associate bad feelings with me, I just got home and I'm making her cry" so then I feel like the bad guy and I end up doing it. He used to read a story to her win me and then I rock and we sing her into a drowsy state. That doesn't happen anymore either but that's because when he's there, it gets her more worked up before bed. So, I just do bedtime by myself. He also doesn't bathe her, it gives him anxiety to see her near water (she dunked her face in one time attempting to eat the water). On the weekends, he will change her diaper for the whole day but by the third one he whines that I haven't changed her once. He's a good Dad, he loves her but I just feel he's not very involved. I ranted again. Sorry. Edited because spelling is hard.

I can tell he has some anxiety about things from how you've described it here. The only way that he can get past it is to do those things that he's afraid of so that he will have more confidence in doing them.

Most of our babies at this age do not like to have their diapers changed. Emily is all over the table whenever I change hers. I either sing a silly song to her to get her attention, or give her something to play with that isn't a normal toy (like a bag of wipes or her brush or comb or even a small plastic hanger at times). It keeps her occupied so I can get the change done.

The only way to learn is by doing <------ this is directed at your DH.

I hope that you guys are able to work things out so that he is more involved with your baby's care and so that you aren't resenting him, because that can happen when you are doing 99% of the work with her and then he wants you to also have a spotless house. See, that's what I don't understand, is that he says that what you do isn't that hard, but he can't do it.

smilingeyes2308

You ladies are seriously so kind to take the time to write what you all have. 

I agree that we need to sit down and have a serious conversation Last night, we had a very short conversation about expectations and it has made me realize that we have some serious communication issues. I feel like I'm trying to speak to him as an adult but somehow he reacts like a child by rolling his eyes or dismissing my concerns. I told him this. 

For example - I brought it to his attention that he has never said anything positive towards me in regards to being a Mommy. I actually said "I don't care if you think I'm horrible at keeping the house clean..but I'm the woman who takes care of and is raising your daughter and that should mean something". I think that hit home a bit for him as his mood instantly changed and he started to communicate more like an adult. 

My sister (she's 14) was over for a week when her summer break started - the whole week she would randomly tell me I'm a good Mom..it felt so weird to hear that because I've never heard it before. Not that I need to be praised or anything but a little appreciation goes a long way. 

Our conversation didn't go to far because it was almost DD's bedtime. However, when I started getting her pj's ready and asked if he could bring her over to me (he was holding her) he said "No, it's okay, I'll get her ready" and he did. I stood there with him just because I was entertaining DD while he got her ready but hey, I'll take it. 

One thing that bothered me (which is one of the reasons I realized we seriously need to get on the same page asap) was when I said that I'm going to leave DD with him for a full day and he can see what it's like. His response was "Go ahead, I'll be fine, my Mom did that to my Dad to and he proved her wrong and it shut her up". I was speechless. I was extremely offended and still am and I'm hoping we can have a serious heart to heart tonight and not have it escalate into anger or anything of that nature. 

When I've mentioned in the past that other Dad's come home from a long day of work and help with their kids or play with their kids since said Dad missed his kids, he replies with "Those Dad's probably work an office job and sit at their desk all day'. He is a contractor that is very involved with his job sites so he does a lot of the work but still, he acts like he's the only guy in the world that works as hard as he does. It pisses me off. 

Sorry that I'm all over the place with this post. After last nights quick conversation, he was being EXTREMELY nice to me which also kind of irks me. I don't want him to be nice and call me sweetheart after every sentence. I want/need him to work with me and communicate with me so we can be on the same page and can stop bickering about stupidity. 

Again - thank you guys for your amazing advice, it's truly apprecieated and it feels good to vent a little (or a lot) and get some feedback so I know I'm not completely out of line on this. 

barnwife

I am of the "my job is a SAHMom, not a SAHMaid." camp. That is, what's expected of me is what's expected of any childcare provider. Anything I get done on top of that is a bonus (so that includes laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, etc...). 

Now, most days I do get something else done. But I don't sweat the days when I don't. If all kids are alive (and hopefully happy), I've done my job.