labor

cassidyjstevens

This is my first pregnancy and labor terrifies me! The father is wanting me to have a natural birth but I do not know if I can do that. Any ideas? Or advice on what to do

CandEChicago

cassidyjstevens said:

This is my first pregnancy and labor terrifies me! The father is wanting me to have a natural birth but I do not know if I can do that. Any ideas? Or advice on what to do

vintagejjane

It's ultimately your choice, so don't let anyone try to pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with including the baby's father. The best thing I can suggest is reading up on all your options and deciding based on what you feel is best for you and baby. Natural birth was painful, but it wasn't unbearable and I didn't think it was that bad. 

CandEChicago

I told DH that he only had to learn one word... epidural.

BdblZ

I don't think he gets the final say in your delivery

agsgrrl

I am a FTM too and I'm quite freaked out myself. I'd like to go naturally but I have no idea what I'm getting myself into so I'm keeping all my options open. On another note I don't think my SO would dare make a comment about birth. He must value keeping his testicles or something

cassidyjstevens

Thank you all! I agree with all of you. I also understand he doesn't want the baby to be drugged when coming out. I would love to do natural birth I'm just scared. Do you have to know when you go to the hospital or can you tell the doctor you might want the epidural or I might not?

feeshah

WTF? I'm so at a loss for words. Like....really?

I suggest exploring all different types of birthing options, including ones involving pain management and choose one that makes YOU (the baby-pusher-outer) feel comfortable. Talk to your doctor/midwife/doula, get on Google and research pros-cons. He may have put baby in you, but you probably won't be able to focus on getting baby out if you feel obligated to have baby without pain medication. Or maybe your research will empower you to get through labor without pain meds. Either way, women have been giving birth for MANY years and I bet they might take pain meds if they had the option. Do what is best for you and baby.

amr196

Personally I'm going to be going with a method called hypnobabies for a natural birth. FTM too but the epidural scares me more than labor does haha
I suggest doing some research on different options. That's how I came across a method a think will work for me

brittandjp

You're the one pushing something the size of a watermelon out of a whole the size of a grape. No offense, but while I'd want DH on board with my decision, there's not a chance in hell I'd let him make it for me. My vagina, my decision. End of story.

nesenotes

I would start with a couple of birthing classes and go from there. But don't let him pressure you.

LadyRoarsome

While H is more than allowed to have an opinion he and I both agree this is me having our child. He is not pushing baby out. That being said I wasn't all that scared of labor the first time, I did have an epidural. All in all my labor and delivery was 12hr24mins, not too long for a first child. Now I realize labor wasnt all that bad, it's the recovery I'm scared of as I tore and still had to be cut. I wasnt expectig it. You're still early on, try not to stress too much about it and enjoy pregnancy. Also, talk to your partner about how you feel, dont let him try to pressure you one way or another.

CandEChicago

cassidyjstevens said:

Thank you all! I agree with all of you. I also understand he doesn't want the baby to be drugged when coming out. I would love to do natural birth I'm just scared. Do you have to know when you go to the hospital or can you tell the doctor you might want the epidural or I might not?

Maybe Baby Daddy needs to read some birthing books and blogs. I don't have a medical degree but this does not seem like a common risk if you use L&D pain meds administered by a medical professional.

delly8

@cassidyjstevens‌ you do whatever you feel comfortable with, don't have yourself worrying, it should be relaxed and exciting for you and you are the only one who decides ☺️ I had an epidural the first time and was in labour 19 hours, the second time I had nothing but was only in labour for 3 hours, I did love the experience being able to feel everything. I'm expecting twins in November and I'm actually hoping I can have a natural birth and I want to try without pain relief again

MaineMama

cassidyjstevens said:

Thank you all! I agree with all of you. I also understand he doesn't want the baby to be drugged when coming out. I would love to do natural birth I'm just scared. Do you have to know when you go to the hospital or can you tell the doctor you might want the epidural or I might not?

I know PPs have touched on this, but an epidural will not "Drug" your baby. All my children have been born by C-section, which (for obvious reasons) include pain medications during and after the birth. None of my children have had any reactions, or issues related to being "drugged". They came out screeching and alert.

FWIW- My first labor was drug free, no interventions until I hit 8cm and my water broke and the cord prolapsed, so that section even included general anesthesia, he had issues, but he was 6weeks early.

MaineMama

From reviewing your previous posts, I see that your partner is in rehab, so I can understand his hesitance at having the baby "drugged". Maybe he could go to an appointment with you, or talk to your OB on the phone while you have an appt so he can be reassured that pain medications will not affect the baby, or make it more prone to addiction later in life.

Cryssteen

For serious? If he broke his femur and went to the ED, would you have the right to say "no morphine! We're doing this au natural!" Up to you, lady. I'm a FTM too. I'm scared. Id like to skip the meds, but I'm open to it all at this point since I have no idea what I'm talking about!

AnonnAni

cassidyjstevens said:

Thank you all! I agree with all of you. I also understand he doesn't want the baby to be drugged when coming out. I would love to do natural birth I'm just scared. Do you have to know when you go to the hospital or can you tell the doctor you might want the epidural or I might not?

I really HATE to see that comment on a drugged baby.. *smh* as someone that works in a hospital if that is your real fear then you need to re-evaluate the hospital your birthing in PERIODLY because that should not be the case when medication is administered PROPERLY. A lethargic or or otherwise "out of it" child is the result of an ill-administered medication NOT the normal result. And the statistics on the hospital your choosing success and failure rate are available from the OB's office or directly from the hospital. It is normally found in the registration package or in your original information package. Read up on where your planning on giving birth.

mlee116

I totally agree with PP's.  I think the best things you can do are research birthing methods and pain management, take some birthing classes, read as many different types of birth stories as you can (c-section, natural, epidural, etc.) and talk to your doctor about your ideas.  You can plan all you want, but labor is unpredictable so its a good idea to be aware of the different things that can happen.

I would suggest that your SO do all of this stuff with you.  A lot of times our SO's have no clue about what birth is like because they aren't the ones facing it and they aren't the ones thinking about it for 9 months straight.  He needs to learn about this stuff as much you do because 1) it's his child too and 2) he needs to be able to support you through any method of birth.  

allonsyalonso

First off, when I made the decision to not have the epidural my husband was on board and so was my medical staff. It was my husband's opinion that he wanted me to not have the epidural, but ultimately I made that decision. I had my reasons and I stuck to it.

My birth experience was pretty wonderful, really. I had mentally prepared myself the best that I could before going into labor. I knew it would be painful and I told myself daily that my body could do it. I trusted the process and I trusted the nurses and doctor. I'm not going to lie to you, it is a painful experience. But the great thing about it is that it isn't scary pain in that you're suddenly in a lot of pain from a sudden injury or ailment. You know it's coming and you know why it's happening. It was wonderful. Your body kind of takes over and then there's this wonderful creature on your chest. From start to finish, labor and delivery was 9 hours for me and I spent 5 of that at home.

I don't have the epidural experience to compare to. My reasons for not wanting the epidural were that the idea of a needle going into my spine really freaks me out, at my hospital once you get the epidural you have to stay on your back and I wanted other laboring options, and I really wanted to fully experience my son's birth and I think I did.

There's no right or wrong with this. Try not to be afraid. I'm not a fan of being pregnant, but I'd do labor and deliver loads of times if it weren't for the 40 weeks of pregnancy that go with it.

JulieSC81

Totally your call. I would never let anyone else influence my *MY* decision. I had the epidural. No other pain management drugs. Just that. My DS was not "drugged". He got 9 and 10 apgar scores and was VERY alert and awake. The epidural just helped me remain pain free...which helped me remain calm...which kept the baby calm...which resulted in a calm and pleasant birth experience. There are plenty of women who can do it naturally and stay calm. Im not one of them. Maybe you are. But it is up to YOU and frankly, he simply has no say.

AnonnAni

Also just as an FYI when looking into success and failure rates of medications of your hospital of choice you may want to also look into their C-Section rate as well. While an individual OB may support a natural birth plan, unless you can guarantee that person I there delivery day. Some hospitals do not "support" a lot of birth plans medicated or un-medicated due to the lengthy time frame of actual labor and can/will try to push for a "medically necessary" C-Section which if your not well versed in the information being presented may make the situation look more scary and bend your ideal.
So that is also something that needs to be considered. A high C-Section rate for a hospital means one of two things, they take more complicated cases or they push for expediency in patient turn over, i.e 30 minute c-Section vs 20-30hr labor. Which this you may see more of in hospitals with only limited birthing suites.

The hospital I work in has a lower C-section rate, but the hospital I had my DD in, I loved but they definitely have a higher C-section rate and tried to push the "need" for one, which I KNEW was unwarranted and stood firm on.
So looking at ALL of the birthing scenarios available to you as well as the statistics of a hospital will give you a great idea as to if that hospital will provide the best birthing experience for you.

abcmom12

it's your decision, not his.  as a STM who went all natural the 1st time, don't go into labor expecting the worst (ie, no reading horror stories, or expecting it to be unbearable)  let it progress and see how you handle it. 

really, untill you're in labor and can anticipate how it will progress, you don't have to make a decision now.

bumpuser7846882

I had a med-free experience and plan to again. I labored for ~26ish hours but was only at the hospital for 6. I highly recommend a couples birthing class that covers the stages of labor. Knowing why to expect helped me mentally prepare for the experience. Watch a few birth videos. There are a bunch on YouTube. Watch The Business of Being Born (on netflix). Every experience is different, but knowing what generally happens or can happen will reduce your fear. Fear is not a good place to be in labor. It can make your labor even longer or stop it all together.

Annya26

I agree with the others. Read up, discuss options, and at the end of the day it is YOUR choice and the last thing you need is someone being difficult or not supportive during labor. Everyone reacts differently. 

I had a med free delivery last time. Honestly not sure I recommend it. I am planning to do the same, as I am more afraid of the risks of an epidural (I have a super crooked spine so it is more likely that I would have complications) then I am of the pain, but if that weren't a factor I would rather have the meds and get to enjoy the experience on a different level. 

drpayne

If he had a valid reason for preferring a natural birth, I think he at least has the right to express his concerns to his wife.  However, he doesn't sound well-informed at all.

I prefer natural birth, personally.  But no one else should force you into that decision. 

ColeyCannoli

I want to go natural but that's far more for me than for baby and I'm prepared to toss my plans out the window if need be. Like PP said, an epidural won't drug your baby. Neither will a C-section. Heck, my mom gave birth to my brother back when they basically knocked moms unconscious. He came out screaming and alert but my mother was out of it for days (which is what I'd want to avoid). It's entirely up to you. And honestly, it kinda weirds me out a little that your DH wants to force you to be a martyr for the baby (which should be your choice to do). I know he probably is just really concerned but you are important here too. Maybe that's just me being too sensitive, though.

But definitely look online for some classes or books about childbirth. Natural and other options. Talk to your OB. It'll be okay! I'm a FTM too so I know it's scary but remember that there are 7 billion people on the planet for a reason - women gave birth. So many others have done it before us, we can do it too

ElaVee

My SO has mentioned he'd like me to have little to no meds cause he's just worried about that stuff for the baby. He also isn't the one pushing it out so he has no say. It could be an option BUT that's for me to research and decide and see what I am most comfortable with, not him. I also hate pain so I think I know which way I'll be swayed to go. )

krystrist2014

I agree with PP's (sorry, quote boxes are failing me today). Maybe you should ask him to help you do research or to go to a class with you - this way he can feel involved and also learn things like the fact that an epidural is medication delivered into the spinal fluid meaning not into the blood stream where it can reach baby.

desertsun

krystrist2014 said:

I agree with PP's (sorry, quote boxes are failing me today). Maybe you should ask him to help you do research or to go to a class with you - this way he can feel involved and also learn things like the fact that an epidural is medication delivered into the spinal fluid meaning not into the blood stream where it can reach baby.

I agree -- educate yourselves together and work from there. I personally think it's fine for your SO to have some thoughts on his child's birth as long as he respects that ultimately it's your call.