"Would you really do that?"

cupcake122

Had my laprascopy/hysterscopy last week and am slowly on the mend. Ended up needing an additional incision above my pubic bone so it's been slow going.  I've been researching tons of stuff to see what my next step might be, since my next RE appt isn't for another week still. I'm slowly going crazy reading all this stuff. I had a friend visit me today and try to relate. It was actually very sweet. She's blessed to be a fertile. 

As I explained to her what my lap was all about and how I have to figure out what's next, she mentioned IVF. I said that may be in my future, but wasn't 100% sure yet. She said….. "would you really do that? that just makes it seem so serious?"

Now, I know this was a well-intended comment. And i'm not mad at her in the least. But it really did put it all in perspective for me, that most women don't even have to dream about these issues. Most women have no idea that so many of us spend our free minutes googling and researching and bumping away. And the fact that i have multiple fertility issues (not just one thing wrong) makes it even more scary/serious to me. I'm so thankful that this group exists as an escape, a place to commiserate, and a place to ask questions.  

megrae12

I agree. I am glad you are on the mend and I hope you are able to figure out some next steps. ((Hugs)) hun. 

BethKate2

I'm glad you're on the mend. My lap. recovery was pretty rough too. Take care of yourself.

As far as the comments, I agree that it's nice to have a place where people understand what you're going through. What's funny is that my friends seem to be the opposite of yours. They say things like, "Oh, you can always just do IVF," like it's no big deal. It's frustrating because they don't realize how mentally, physically, and financially draining IF testing and treatments can be.

WishUponAChild

I have to second that... I don't know if I have issues but I find myself questioning things. My fear is that in two weeks I turn 36, and we are still in the thinking this is all MFI. What if it turns out that I need to work on something but I don't even know it yet and we waste all this time.

The biggest question that loudly bounces around in my head is...

Could I be as strong as these amazing ladies, would I be this brave? I read your siggys and fall into this mix of emotion as I translate your abbreviations. I have found myself thinking of sharing hugs, drinks, and even giving away my eggs if somehow it could help the ladies here fulfill their dreams (I am pretty sure no one will want my eggs tho.)

I watched a video today of a couple hearing from the RE they got a positive after 8 months of IUI and I almost cried as much as they did. My thoughts still circled around, could I be that strong? Would I be that brave?

My heart goes out to you because you fight this fight and the ladies here have made me a better person for their advice and wisdom (and humor) so thoughtfully shared.

bravegrace22

Best wishes for a good recovery and finding an answer for your next step! 

I sometimes have this issue when discussing things with DH. He has surprised me thus far with how 'with it' and supportive he's been, but generally when i bring up possible future steps (that don't come directly from dr.) he gets a little dismissive. To me, I just want to be as prepared as we can and i think he's taking more of the approach of not thinking about it at all until we're told that's what needs to happen. I have learned so much from this board and a big piece has been being my own advocate and not waiting for certain things from the dr's as well as being informed so i know what questions to ask when we do get the 'go ahead' on things. i will prob say it a million times, but so glad to have the support of you all who truly know how it's nearly impossible to just sit back and wait.

WishUponAChild

I am so glad that I am not the only one that feels this way about donating eggs or anything else that I could.

I wish you didn't have to be this brave but you are and although I don't know you IRL I feel that if you are willing to work this hard to bring into this world what you are trying to bring, you would be a hands down amazing you know what... (I don't know why but I just can't say the word right now.)

Hollowvic

I wish I could go back to life before IF. I was so naive to think when I wanted to get pregnant it would be instant. If you would have asked me about IVF a few years ago I would have said no way, now I'm considering it. Thank god for boards like this, all my friends and family are fertile myrtles, I hate them!

gsancho

Yeah, especially after dealing with IF and treatments for a while, that naive version of me that thought a few easy changes in diet would fix everything seem like a distant memory.  

I mentioned the vag cam to a co-worker once and she was horrified.  I hate to think what she'd say if I went into detail about everything that goes into IVF :P

WishUponAChild

Dare I ask... but what is the Vag Cam?

Hollowvic

@WishUponAChild‌ I have the same question, what is a Vag Cam? Lol

BethKate2

WishUponAChild said:

Dare I ask... but what is the Vag Cam?

It's the instrument they use for transvaginal ultrasounds. Personally, I refer to it as the dildo cam because that's kind of what it looks like.

@WishUponAChild and @Hollowvic

TTCBabyJ

I definitely agree. Good luck with your recovery process. But yes there are women out there who will NEVER understand what it's like to go through the emotional turmoil of IF. Lucky Fertiles!

Thank goodness I'm smart!

cupcake122

@BethKate2‌ I spend the term "dildo cam" especially because one tech asked me to insert it myself HAHAHAHA

BethKate2

cupcake122 said:

@BethKate2‌ I spend the term "dildo cam" especially because one tech asked me to insert it myself HAHAHAHA

@cupcake122, the first few times I had it done, the techs had me insert it myself. Luckily, I had a friend warn me that that might happen, so I wasn't totally caught off guard.

StacyLH24

@cupcake122 - I'm glad to hear you are on the mend. I had my lap and hysteroscopy back in November and it took longer to recover than I imagined.

It also amazes me that most women have no idea how things actually work when you are trying to get pregnant. I suppose it makes sense. I used to be one of those women too. I was talking to a long lost friend the other day and she said that getting pregnant isn't as easy as they make it look in the movies and that in her experience it happens when you least expect it. There were so many things I wanted to say...but she has no idea of what I have done in the past year and been through. She does know we are a same sex couple, so I was caught off guard by the last part of the comment. There is no "when you're least expecting it" for us.

shirleymaeby

OMG...I would die if they asked to insert that thing myself.  The first time DH came with me to an ultrasound he was like "WTF is that thing and why do I feel so inadequate as a man now."

Trust me honey...it doesn't feel as good as you think it does.

bravegrace22

BethKate2 said:

It's the instrument they use for transvaginal ultrasounds. Personally, I refer to it as the dildo cam because that's kind of what it looks like.

cupcake122 said:

@BethKate2‌ I spend the term "dildo cam" especially because one tech asked me to insert it myself HAHAHAHA

bahaha i will forever more refer to it as the "dildo cam", thanks for that fab term! i've always been asked to insert it myself and agree that it adds to the feeling that it's a little more personal and less medical than what's really happening.

ronniesgirl1981

I have one IRL friend to whom I openly discussed my IVF. I got through THE WHOLE THING and then she asked me when we were supposed to have sex. I swear she is of above average intelligence, but this whole thing is (thankfully) so alien to most people. @WishUponAChild‌ The answer to the question in your head is yes. You don't have a clue what you are capable of until you are faced with it.

catlover790

I'm glad your surgery went well, I hope you recover soon!

I can't believe how little some know about TTC in general; although I do see how those who aren't going through IF don't know much about it. It can make it hard to find people to relate to though, I have one friend who didn't even know what PCOS was!! I thought that was pretty well-known. Anyway, that's why I'm so glad I have you all to talk with!!

Pintobean39

I'm glad you are getting better.

That's what makes all this IF so lonely, many people just don't understand. I have a very good friend that had been very supportive and walked through every step of the way with me. She even text's me on my appts with the "dildo cam" (that's what I call it) to know how many are growing. She doesn't understand it all but she's trying. On many of our drunken nights she's cried with me and I've told her over and over again how much I appreciate her. She's my only supporter IRL that really tries to get it. Then there are those on this board that I've never even met that have been so supportive. My husband says all the time he wishes he could invite all the "bump friends" over for a party because he says they have been the best support I've had.

I've been on this board over a yr now and there are so many women that have kept me from jumping off a bridge, listened when I was having a meltdown, made me laugh when needed, or just explained things when I was confused (which is a lot). If I had eggs to give away, I'd give them away in a heartbeat. My husband and I even discussed if we had extra embryos we were definitely donating them. Unfortunately my old ass cobweb coated ovaries just doesn't produce a lot of good ones.


ETA: I should clarify I've been on the bump for over a year not this board. I've been on Jan14, May14, June14 BMB. Miscarriage and loss, TTCAL, TTC over 35, TTGP, and now TTTC. I just lurk on Infertility. I prob do have a bump problem, just have found many wonderful women. :-)

BunnyBerry

I hope your recovery goes smoothly. So sorry about the extra unexpected incision. Hope the time passes quickly til your follow up appointment.

Since we're on the topic of the vag cam...for my first encounter (years back for a cyst), when they told me to insert it myself, I responded by taking care of it in about half a second flat like it was no big deal. (Trying to be a good patient, ready to do what I'm told). Then spent the rest of the experience blushing because it made me look just a bit too experienced, lol!

aves0708

I'm sorry you had to have an extra incision for your surgery. I hope your recovery continues to go well though. 

My sister went through IF.  She went straight to IVF and I will admit, I was probably like your friend.  I knew nothing about the blood, sweat and tears that go into IF treatment.  I know I probably asked her how it was going way more than she wanted to talk about it.  It wasn't until dealing with it myself that I really understood the emotions and heartache that she had to deal with.  I don't really think you can understand unless you've walked the IF road.  I am so thankful everyday that I found this community, because I live far away form my sister and this process is just downright lonely!  Without this community I would really feel like I am the only one who can't get pregnant on their own. I  :x you all!

emmuffy

So much love on this thread!! Amazing. Feel better soon cupcake. I too think about donating eggs/ embryos. I hope I get lots during my ER

Pintobean39

Oops

cupcake122

You ladies are truly the best! I'm in wine withdrawal after surgery so I'm extra super thankful for the bump today haha everyone have one for me

lebradford

Rumbera28 said:

Pintobean39 said:

I'm glad you are getting better.

That's what makes all this IF so lonely, many people just don't understand. I have a very good friend that had been very supportive and walked through every step of the way with me. She even text's me on my appts with the "dildo cam" (that's what I call it) to know how many are growing. She doesn't understand it all but she's trying. On many of our drunken nights she's cried with me and I've told her over and over again how much I appreciate her. She's my only supporter IRL that really tries to get it. Then there are those on this board that I've never even met that have been so supportive. My husband says all the time he wishes he could invite all the "bump friends" over for a party because he says they have been the best support I've had.

I've been on this board over a yr now and there are so many women that have kept me from jumping off a bridge, listened when I was having a meltdown, made me laugh when needed, or just explained things when I was confused (which is a lot). If I had eggs to give away, I'd give them away in a heartbeat. My husband and I even discussed if we had extra embryos we were definitely donating them. Unfortunately my old ass cobweb coated ovaries just doesn't produce a lot of good ones.

Okay my eyes are tearing up right now after reading this thread.  Must be my allergies.   I totally wish that I could have been a donor also, and that I could take this heartache and stress away from everybody on this board. 

Ugh great.  Now my eyes are overflowing.  Damn "allergies".

________________

I thought it was just me/the endometrin.

kristyn831

BunnyBerry said:

I hope your recovery goes smoothly. So sorry about the extra unexpected incision. Hope the time passes quickly til your follow up appointment.

Since we're on the topic of the vag cam...for my first encounter (years back for a cyst), when they told me to insert it myself, I responded by taking care of it in about half a second flat like it was no big deal. (Trying to be a good patient, ready to do what I'm told). Then spent the rest of the experience blushing because it made me look just a bit too experienced, lol!

I did the same thing!  My second u/s the tech was male so that was even more awkward.

kristyn831

I'm glad your procedure went well!  If it wasn't for finding this forum, IF would be a much lonelier place for me.  Even DH doesn't completely get it and having you ladies has given me a place to vent, research, and ask questions.

WishUponAChild

The closest thing a guy has to what it is like for one of those visits is a colonoscopy and they give you an amnesiac drug for that! Mention that too him, he might get a clue. Monday my DH was preping to take his hCG shot and I was watching. I said, "I should never question how badly you want a child if you are willing to stab yourself like that... thank you." I saw a look in his eye and knew what was coming I tried to stop him but it was too late. "Don't-" he interrupted me before I could finish with "say something stupid". His response was just that... "Don't you forget it." Blink blink. Me "Childbirth" Him "Sorry."