How much input did/does your job have on family planning?

penelopemaria

I'm back to work now with a 6 month old. The transition back hasn't been going smoothly - people are treating me differently now... but that is a different topic.

Anyway, they weren't happy when I got pregnant and now we're TTCing for number 2. I'm pretty sure that when I get pregnant again it will be the nail in the coffin of my career with this company... but I don't dwell on that even though I am happy here and love my colleagues. My feeling is that the company would never put me before their bottom line, so I shouldn't live my life worrying about my employers think.

On the other side of the fence, a girlfriend of mine put TTC on hold because her boss told her she is up for a promotion in February. She said she would feel guilty if she got pregnant soon after or before getting the promotion.

What are you thoughts?

welly01

I personally have not and would not put my family planning on hold for a job, except to make sure I was covered by FMLA.  Companies won't hesitate to let you go for any reason, so I see no reason to have any kind of (misplaced) loyalty as far as spacing kids, etc.

I say do what works for your family.

lann1068

I am a lurker for the most part but work has definitely influenced my family planning. I am 3 months out from defending my phd. I had my son in my 3rd year of my program because I knew if I was building my family during attempting to land a tenure faculty position that it could negatively impact my progress. I have no clue if or when we will have a second.

Helenahhandbasket

I have never even considered that my work should influence or have anything otherwise to do with my family planning.  The two things are completely separate for me.

Slb22

I took a job that requires travel which I really wanted to do. I decided I wanted to be there two year before having LO (actually giving birth, not TTC). I wasn't ready to have kids when I took the job and by the time I was ready it worked pretty close to the time I was planning on. I wasn't sure how I would feel about travel after having a baby so I wanted to make sure I was there long enough for it not to look bad if I wanted to find a new job.

ccam

Work has never influenced my TTC plans. My boss actually knows about my IF and fully supported me both times that I went for treatment. My job is also pretty protected.

sandrabrooke

I think for me, I want to qualify for FMLA, but I also want to have enough respect in the office where people will take my career and ambition seriously.  

rodiesmum

IMO it shld only interfere if the job will help u provide for LO. But that is just me.

kristennd

DH turned down a significant promotion when we were about to start TTC because it would have meant he was gone too frequently.

ricekez

I personally would rather plan my career around my family, not my family around my career. Once I qualify for FMLA, there's no reason my job would hold me back from TTC.

rockychryslerb2010

It was one of several factors that influenced the timing of our kids.  With E, I  was actually promoted while on maternity leave, so promotion hasn't been a huge issue for me.  I don't plan around specific projects, and there is really no time of year that is busy than others, it just depends how the projects and new clients line up.  Each year is different.  We did plan to space out kids 2-3 yrs, just so I wasn't taking back to back maternity leaves. But, that was my choice and I didn't feel pressured to do it.  I know other moms who had two back to back to get over that phase of life and get back to their career.

I'd say for #2, the biggest factor that influenced timing was when I was going to finish my MBA.  I knew I couldn't work full time, have a newborn / infant and a toddler, plus finish my MBA.  So we didn't start trying until I would at least be on maternity leave through the end of my program.  As it is, I'll have 1 course / 5 weeks from this baby's due date and the end of my last class.

mlee116

welly336 said: I personally have not and would not put my family planning on hold for a job, except to make sure I was covered by FMLA.  Companies won't hesitate to let you go for any reason, so I see no reason to have any kind of (misplaced) loyalty as far as spacing kids, etc.
I say do what works for your family. I totally agree with this.  I will say that when we were TTC, we tried to plan it for my non-busy time at work just because it would make life easier for me and my coworkers.  But if it wouldn't have worked out that way, I wouldn't have not TTC just because of that.  There's not ever a perfect time to have a baby, so you just have to do what works and look at the big picture.

itsmevkb

I didn't get married until I was 33 and we started trying for our first when I was 34.  So, it's not as though we had a ton of time to work with since we wanted at least three kids.  For that reason, work never really crossed my mind with regards to trying to have children/spacing children. 

My employer, for the most part, has been supportive but there was a time when I was pregnant and I heard two of my bosses discussing a possible promotion and saying something to the effect of that perhaps I wouldn't want the promotion as I was pregnant with my third and who knows if I was ever going to return to work, etc.  After that, I let them know that I had overheard their discussion and that in no uncertain terms I was interested in being considered for the promotion and that I had zero plans of leaving the workforce.  I've received two promotions since then and also had two more children during that time.

emberlee3

I definitely took my career/schedule into consideration as part of family planning. I don't think that's too unusual, especially for female physicians.

Interestingly, my MIL, who was a SAHM, purposely timed her pregnancies around FIL's coaching schedule. Meaning she knew better than to give birth during football season, so DH and his brother both have early July birthdays.

VOR

penelopemaria said:

My feeling is that the company would never put me before their bottom line,

Well, ANY company is going to be like this.  Many companies are better, though, at creating a good work/life balance and working with their employees to make sure they are happy.  But in the end, the bottom line is always going to win over individual employees.

That being said - this is all an "it depends" for me.  A company shouldn't have a say, but I can fully understand the many scenarios where women may want to wait for a certain period of time because of something going on w/ their job.

2-Step

I definitely didn't consider it, but I got pregnant right after a promotion and couldn't travel as much as they wanted. It definitely sidelined me and I never really got respect back at that company. Granted I was happy to leave that company because it was not my kind of place, but if I hadn't gotten the promotion my career would not be where it is today, so in hindsight I'm glad I had it before getting pregnant and I could see planning around it if it were only a matter of a year or less. It sucks but the reality is that it does make a difference in many places. I have many friends that gave planned babies around their career goals and I never thought it was that odd.

shakinros

CK2MD said:

MH and I have considered our own career-related interests but not really our employers' interests

Exactly this. I think it's totally reasonable to plan around work if it's YOUR choice and your plans. I wouldn't plan around the interests of my job or plans they said they had for me. You just can't know what's going to happen with the business.

Recently a friend of mine told me his boss had said she'd be retiring soon (like within 3 months) and he was in line to get her job & lead the department. He said "that's great. I look forward to talking about it more when the time is right." It's never been discussed again because two weeks after that conversation, boss's husband had a heart attack and now needs round the clock care due to his medical decline. That was three years ago. Imagine if they'd waited to have kids because of his promotion!

Myaflowers

The first time around, my job had no influence over our family planning. If I were to get pregnant again, I would definitely be considered high risk, and it's likely that I could end up on bed rest and use up all my FMLA time before the baby was even born. I'm not sure how my emoloyer would handle this, but they are all about billable hours and make use FMLA time for prenatal appointments. I'm not sure they would hold my job for me if I were out for more than 12 weeks. I can't risk losing my job, so this is one of the reasons we are OAD. Another job is not an option unless we move to another state or I open my own counseling practice (which I don't want to do). Any other counseling job around here would be at least a $15,000 pay cut. The trade off for a higher salary is being a slave to billable hours.

Tara0604

We started TTC using "teacher timing", but were lucky enough to get pregnant first time (problems run in my family). However, if we did not get pregnant on "teacher timing", I don't think we would've stopped TTC. 

For number 2, I would like to "plan" for a summer baby, because LO1 ate up all of my sick time and I would have to take most of my maternity unpaid (which we can't really afford).

wearallthebabies

While I would like it not to have any influence, it does to a degree. DH is in line to own/run the family business and when my boss leaves our company in 1.5 months it will be my responsibility to run the company (100+ employees)  on a day to day basis when the president isn't here, which is 75% of the time. Since we both are wanting/needing to devote a lot of time and attention to our jobs, while also devoting just as much or more to our family, it is going to definitely be a major factor on whether or not we are one and done. There are many other factors that will be considered as well of course. That said, if DH and I decide we want one more, we will not let our careers stop us, but realize that we will have to work even harder to keep that balance.

kmh2201

My whole philosophy about work is that I work to live and not live to work.  Family comes first.  For me, it took almost a year to conceive with DS, so any planning went out the window.  Then with DD, we weren't even really trying, and I ended up pregnant 5 months into a new job with a new employer.  For me and MH, it just felt like it was impossible to plan for a specific time of year or month.

Stephorse

You have to do what works best for you. When I was pregnant with my first son, it was wonderful and I thought people were supportive. Turns out the administration thought that my maternity leave sub would do a better job then I did so they let me go at the end of the school year (I'm a music teacher), but they eventually fired her after the next school year. I was able to find another job, but I got pregnant a lot sooner with number 2 then I thought, but luckily I was working in a Catholic school that is obviously pro life and pro families so they made it really easy for me and I loved it there.

We would potentially like to have a third one, but I'm starting a new job and are moving back to our home state of Illinois and my DH doesn't have a job yet, and I would hate to start a new job and then tell them I'm pregnant again, so we are waiting a year or possibly longer this time. You just have to figure out what your priorities are and decide that if you didn't have a job for a while would your family be fine and be able to work it out in the mean time? I know it's a hard decision, but hopefully you'll figure something out that works for you.

kikimeemee

itsmevkb said:

I didn't get married until I was 33 and we started trying for our first when I was 34.  So, it's not as though we had a ton of time to work with since we wanted at least three kids.  For that reason, work never really crossed my mind with regards to trying to have children/spacing children. 

My employer, for the most part, has been supportive but there was a time when I was pregnant and I heard two of my bosses discussing a possible promotion and saying something to the effect of that perhaps I wouldn't want the promotion as I was pregnant with my third and who knows if I was ever going to return to work, etc.  After that, I let them know that I had overheard their discussion and that in no uncertain terms I was interested in being considered for the promotion and that I had zero plans of leaving the workforce.  I've received two promotions since then and also had two more children during that time.

I love that you informed your employer you heard them discussing this abt you. So smart!

Designermomma

I waited a while before TTC because I was trying to get a promotion but when I was finally emotionally ready I tried my hardest and decided it wasn't happening at work so might as well TTC. It was so stressful at work when I returned, numerous changes and long hours, I regret not quitting (if effected my BF). When we TTC DS2, it took many years because of all the stress. I was finally laid off and it all took a toll. I took an easy going job to make it easier to have a family. I worried a little about how soon I would get pregnant, if I would when I wasn't working, if I did right after I got the new job but it took 2 years at the new job. I learned from having the first, I shouldn't care about my career and work. Family is more important. Work isn't worth it.

MommaP12

The only way my career has impacted my decision to have 2 children is:

1) I have to work and I didn't feel I could handle more than 2 children while working so that is why we stopped at 2.

2) I don't like to travel for work, so when I job hunt, I look for jobs that have zero or minimal travel

potbellypig

Work didn't influence when I had my kids (01/2012, 02/2014), but it has influenced the fact that we are DONE. I can't manage my department/further my education and still be the kind of mom I want to be with a third kiddo. Even with #2, I cut my 12 month mat leave short to 17 weeks because I knew that my department would be downsized/eliminated without me (b/c I bust my a$$ trying to expand).

 

In an ideal world and at one point in my life, I thought I'd love to have 4 kids. I would still love it, but at the end of the day it's asking too much and I know I'd be spread too thin.

Beevol

I waited to TTC with my first because I had a job I hated and I knew that I would go insane being pregnant there, as soon as I found a better job, I waited until I knew I would qualify for FMLA and was settled in. With our second, we timed this pregnancy around my husband's work travel schedule (he's gone for a week-10 days every three months and we didn't want him to either miss the birth or be gone during the first month or so). That was trickier but we got lucky and it worked out. 

DiveFrog

DH & my employment have definitely effected our family planning. We got married in 2008. Originally we wanted to ttc in 2009, but with the recession in full swing my job was very iffy, due to a few rounds of layoffs at my employer, and DH's job wasn't rock solid either. So, we waited until mid 2010 when things were a bit more stable career wise for both of us.

With my current job it is very project based. The projects average a 2-3yr cycle. With one very intense year in the middle that has long hrs (12-14hr days) and extensive travel. We are trying to time #2 pregnancy and ML for the 2yrs. in between the "Intense" year, so we are just starting to ttc #2. 

#2 will 99% be our last because of our careers as well. It would simply be too much to manage for us with more than 2.

All these plans are really for DH & me and our sanity and what would be best for our family. None of these decisions were made with any thought as to how they would effect our employers. Although, in my case what was best for me is also most likely what is best for my employer.