What Are/Were Your Parents Like?

lgsdesigner

Since we are on this board to become parents (or even if you already are a parent), it lead me to the question of “What are/were YOUR parents like?
Were they strict? Let you get away with murder? Spoil you rotten? Punish you constantly for little things? Make you eat all your peas?

And—will you be/are you like either parent?

 

Mom- The strict one. Had us on a solid routine and never wavered from the routine. Dinner time was 5:30, bath was 7, bed was 7:30. She also always made us put education first, and if our homework wasn’t done, we had no fun. She was also the discipliner…and man…a HORRIBLE spanker! She would spank us, then cry because she felt bad for spanking us, then hug us and apologize. Sooo..we sort of learned our lessons. She also would not allow you to do anything fun with friends unless she was able to call the parents and verify you were actually there, swing by and check on you and would limit your alone time with anyone. She also believed in a balanced diet, and each meal (even pizza) had a veggie or fruit with it. If you didn’t eat your veggies, she would make you sit there until it was gone…*cue Mommy Dearest*…and if you still didn’t eat it, you would do a cleaning chore and go to bed hungry. We never drank soda or sugary drinks, and only was allowed water or the occasional milk.

 

Dad- The fun one. Always making us laugh. Enjoyed teasing mom and being silly. Would play pranks on each of us and on mom until mom lost it one day and he left her alone. Was very creative and fun with food, and would make us pancakes with faces on them, draw and write mom a love letter each morning beside her coffee, and would make us “special snacks” that was pretty much all the leftovers thrown together in a bowl, but with a face on it. : )  He was witty, charismatic, charming, downright corny. He also never disciplined us (with spanking)…he would just say “I am very disappointed in you” and we would cry. He also taught us "If you want something, you earn it." That is what each of us did. We worked our butts off to become the successful people we are today, and this also had to do a lot with the fact that we were raised very poor, on welfare (but still in a decent suburban neighborhood), and we never took ANYTHING for granted.

 

I would say I’m very much like mom in the fact I am all about a balanced diet for the kids, only allow water and milk, and also am strict with routine. However—I am the worst discipliner, and usually get soft, and I DON’T make my kids sit there until all their foods gone. I am like my dad even more because I am very creative, put fun before logic and like to make my kids laugh.

C_Girlie

Aww sounds like u had a good upbringing.

I would like DH & myself to pretty much shadow the upbringing I had. They've been married 42 years & counting. Mom was the classic housewife/neighborhood mom. Unfortunately we can't afford me to be a stay at home mom. When dad was hm he gave us spankings if needed. Otherwise mom spanked us. We was only allowed at certain friends houses, my parents had to really know my friends parents.

Homework had to be completed neatly b4 we could go out & play. Every Saturday was the day we had to do the major house chores. My sister & I had to clean the dishes daily. Mom did all of the cooking

When I was old enough to date I had to have my male friend come in and have a small chat with my dad. Dad was very intimidating a tall,bald head, big muscles man that didn't smile. He would interrogate my date with several questions. Needless to say my dates always had me back home on time.

TAT2MAMI

My parents are both originally from Mexico. My older brother an I were the first generation to be born in the U.S, so we, or should I say "I" was raised pretty damn old school. I grew up in a predominately white area so the kids did not understand why I could not go on sleepovers, over night field trips, or wander into town after school. My parents were very protective.
I never really got into trouble much, but my mom is the kind that when she's mad she's very verbal about it and just spews it all out and then it's gone. My dad is more quiet and calm. A man of few words, but very sweet. I'll never forget my first heart break. I was around 12yo. He sat me on his lap and let me cry. Then he took me to the store and bought me a coloring book and crayons. I still have that coloring book.

I consider myself to be more like my mom. I definitely don't feel like the "fun" parent. DH is definitely the fun one. He is like a kid himself! My DD calls him her little brother sometimes!! He can be stern when he needs to be, but for the most part he has more patience than I do and is more relaxed. I feel left out sometimes because they have such a good time together. I'm hoping my time will come when DD is into more girl stuff. However, it maks me so happy to see her have such a tight bond with her daddy.

marijaa333

My mom is hyper intelligent and was a very responsible, loving mother, but is now becoming difficult to deal with. She is an analyzer and in her later years is becoming more isolated and turning inward, so she often concludes that people are against her (or don't care, at best). I can't seem to convince her that a more positive approach to people would produce better results.  My dad was less affectionate when I was growing up but is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet and he's steadfastly standing by my mom, despite her being so difficult. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for him. He tells dad jokes, some of which are quite hilarious.

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lgsdesigner

@murrt – My mother also had us doing tons of chores. We had a list of chores when we got home from school, and since mom was in nursing school, she had me also cook dinner (at the age of 9-10).

She would prep the meal, and then have me cook it along with any side dishes. I would also bathe my 3 younger siblings, and get them in bed. She would come home around 8 with a handful of school books, and still in her work clothes from the day. She worked her butt off, and we were still always broke, but we learned independence by having chores and learning the true value of a dollar.

KirstenAlecia

Mom - my mom was loving but she was an alcoholic. She had many boyfriends till i was about 9 and then she married the most abusive one she ever dated. (She broke up with the best one she ever dated to be with the worst one she ever dated....then married) Step father was very abusive and my mom wouldn't really stand up to him......but she would often hide our mistakes to save us from the torture. He was military so we did a lot of chores. We were not allowed to eat in the same room as the adults and were to eat in silence and not allowed to have anything to drink till we finished the HUGE mounds of food he would pile on our plates. My mom would often sneak in and take half the food off my plate and sneak it to the dog. 

Dad - he was great. Worked really hard, sometimes had 2 jobs AND he went to school. He was fun. He read us bedtime stories every time we were with him. Evenings often ended in chasing him around the house till we caught him and dog piled him. He helped with homework, cooked, taught us stuff...loved my step mom in a way that allowed me to see what love was REALLY supposed to look like. He was a shining example of a father and husband. He and my step mom, who is amazingly sweet and kind and loving have been married 35 years now.... My dad is also no longer the dirt poor, school  janitor going to school at night......he is the bossman who makes over a 6 figure income. All because he was, despite his hectic work/school schedule, was an amazing dad.....but an also an example of what you get in this life when you work hard. Lucky for me i was smart enough to not be like my mom......and find and marry a  man, who is a lot  like my dad. 

lgsdesigner

@KirstenAlecia - Your story about made me tear up. Amazing what you went through and how great of a dad you had, and how strong of a mother you had (to deal with such abuse, and still try and care for you kids). All I can say is "wow". 

Davie813

First, a shout-out to all you ladies for being so introspective about your upbringings, overcoming the difficult parts, and applying all your insights to your own parenting/future parenting. You're such strong women, and will be awesome parents. Second, It's kind of funny--I was just having a discussion with a friend (who also has small children) about how frustrating it is that no matter how egalitarian you want your family to be, and how much you want to avoid the dynamic where the mom does most of the nuts-and-bolts caretaking and the dad gets to be the "fun" one, it always seems to happen anyway. Grrrr. She and I are both struggling with this (in my case, not because DH isn't responsible and eager to step up to the plate, but because he works absolutely inhumane hours. Still, the argument could be made that, as a couple, we are prioritizing his career over mine. Which sucks. Says the woman Bumping at work. So many layers of suck!) Anyway. Yes, there was some of that in my parent's marriage/parenting, but not too much. I'd say the positives are that they encouraged my sister and I to be independent and open-minded, and to think critically. We always laughed so much more than my friends' families, and could (still can) talk about anything. The negatives were that both of my parents (when they were young, anyway) were sort of fearful of the world and went a little bit overboard trying to keep us from experiencing--rejection, I guess. I wouldn't say that I too am fearful as a result, but I do have some confidence issues I could do without. Anyway, I absolutely want to encourage DDs independence, critical thinking, and humor, but I also want to do everything in my power to help her grow up confident and accepting of herself. The other negative is that they had a pretty terrible marriage for a lot of my childhood and adolescence (they're still married), which obviously impacted my sister and me, too. I'd like to skip that as well, obviously. ETA: no idea why the formatting/paragraphs aren't working. Ugh!

TAT2MAMI

@KirstenAlecia‌ - Your story made me tear up too! Your dad sounds amazing! So happy that you have a great dad and a sweet step-mom! * Edited because I spelled something wrong.

KirstenAlecia

Aw thanks ladies.......its hard to convey in words both parents. 

My mother was loving......she was just damaged. but she loved us. My step father was extremely abusive and the stories i could tell are horrible. I eventually moved to be with my dad right before high school so my brother could be spared the abuse he was suffering. His was physical. Regular beatings by a very large man. I was not physically abused but mentally.......i was able to tolerate it. What i couldn't tolerate was watching a man of 6'3" hurt my little brother. 

My father had 2 other kid with my step mom and honestly could not afford to take us in but he did and asked for no support from my mother even though she took him to court for more and more often. We were often hungry (only fed once a day often) and hardly any clothes...we wore the same thing over and over.....but man we were happy and surprisingly we made lots of friends and just overcame. 

Nobody knew how poor we were except our closest friends. I made the pep squad and my mom paid for my uniforms (no way my dad could have done it)  My best friend used to give me her clothes when her mom would shop for new ones and bring me lunch often......My brother went out and made money doing lawns and odd jobs to get what he wanted (clothes, bikes,skateboards) .....ive known real abuse but real love too.....Im so lucky. 

Austrogermokee

My dad was a dreamer and a narcissist. We moved a lot growing up because he was always changing jobs and trying to strike it rich. Instead, we wound up broke by the time I was midway through high school when the company he started failed. It was weird having Volvos in the driveway of a big beautiful house...and then having the power shut off because we couldn't pay the bills. He had a massive heart attack when I was a senior in high school and very nearly didn't make it.

My mom is very classically feminine - pretty, always dressed perfectly, a great cook, a beautifully decorated home. She was a SAHM from the day my older sister was born, and never went back to work. She's also exhaustingly critical. There are always a lot of little comments she'll sprinkle into a conversation, just so you know that you'll never measure up to her standards. I think life with my dad crushed her in a lot of ways - she was dragged through all his cockamamie schemes and he treated her like she was the help. By the time I was in high school, she was extremely depressed and threatening suicide.

My sister and I grew up around a lot of conflict - my parents were always screaming at each other, perpetually stressed about money (because we lived beyond our means), and were sleeping in separate rooms by the time I was ten. I didn't really learn how to deal with disagreement in a healthy way, and to this day it's hard for me to not go nuclear in a fight or be overcritical. 

My parents finally split up when I was 22, and things got better. Dad continued being flaky and self-centered, but it was okay in small doses. He died almost two years ago of congestive heart failure. Hilariously, he died on Columbus Day. I don't know whether he was protesting Columbus (Dad was Eastern Cherokee), or the fact that DH is Italian-American. We cremated him and spread his ashes on the reservation, in the creek he played in as a child.

Mom I rarely speak to. She's back in her native Australia, and I only talk to her if I'm getting married or divorced, or someone has died. I may be seeing her for Christmas, but luckily DH and my sister will be there so I should have buffers.

I think my parents did the best they could with the emotional equipment they had, but I don't feel the need to emulate them or have a close relationship with my mom. If I do have a child, I want to provide a stable, loving environment and model a positive marriage. I don't want to be perfect (my mom's downfall) or rich (my dad's downfall). Good enough and not paycheck-to-paycheck is fine by me.