Has anyone experienced this?

Heather & Nayt

I am at a loss of what to do and just feel like crying.

DS has amazing days and then he has days like today. It's hot, sticky and he didn't sleep well thanks to insomnia. He has always been a self harm kind of kid, but today i heard DD screaming in the living room terrified. I ran in and DS was on top of her hitting her in the face with his water bottle. She was completely helpless. Thankfully she only has a bloody nose and nothing to bad. But it terrified me.

I have no clue what to do. He got  put in time out and we are talking about how we love our sister not hurt her. We also did not get to do his favorite activity of swimming. But it was the first time I have ever been worried that maybe there is something under the surface that is really ugly in my son and it breaks my heart. Like it makes me sick and I have no idea what to do. I can't raise a kid that is violent. It was like he was a completely different person. He is completely back to normal now, playing cars and just being sweet. I feel so sick and sad right now.

He was dx with disruptive behavior disorder a few years ago and his pedi is recommending new testing and possibly a child therapist or medication. If this is the first time something like this has happened I don't want to jump to big guns, but at the same time I can't have him attacking his sister. Has anyone expereinced this? 

Some days I miss the days when all I was worried about was how many words he had in his vocabulary.

Heather & Nayt

Thank you for your input. It's been a rough week. I we are talking to his doctor and she wants to get him in so we are going to do that, and then it is a wait for neuro testing, do you have any suggestions for the mean time? We are limiting what he is allowed to watch, and having a lot of conversations on how we need to be nice which seems to be working. I also told him when he feels mad he can talk to me. 

I hate that I have to even feel like i have to choose one kid or another. 

Heather & Nayt

-auntie- said:

Heather & Nayt said:

Thank you for your input. It's been a rough week.

I know. It's going to be tough until you are able to get a plan in place around this.

I we are talking to his doctor and she wants to get him in so we are going to do that, and then it is a wait for neuro testing, do you have any suggestions for the mean time? 

I agree with @wife07mom09, you need to keep the kids apart unless you are actively supervising their interaction. It's really hard, but until you have answers and a plan, you can't risk another injury.

Is your doctor suggesting a neuropsych eval? Or a neurological workup? How do you have the dxs you already have? You might want to have the testing reports you already have forwarded to whoever will next be seeing him. It might be helpful to keep a log of the antecedents to his outbursts and self harm- what was going on just before?, who was his behavior targeted to?, how was his sleep prior?, was he hungry/thirsty?, is his sister pushing his buttons either intentionally or unintentionally?

She hasn't truly said, just that she will be referring us most likely to a neuro- behaviorist. We are pretty rural, so we have to travel to either Seattle or Portland for most of our testing. We were previously seen by a neuro team of pediatricians, neuros, therapist and pathologist out of Boise when he was 3 (just turned 5) which is how we got our current dx. He has been in the early intervention program since he was 2 and is currently working with the therapist at the local school. No one has ever mentioned his behavior out of the house (thank God). I am keeping a log now, and I do know that his sister loves to tease him which we are working on now. I am being very careful to watch them right now, which is tough. Both DH and I are hyper aware of it and luckily we haven't had anything sense. 

We are limiting what he is allowed to watch, and having a lot of conversations on how we need to be nice which seems to be working. I also told him when he feels mad he can talk to me. 

What does he watch that you have to take it away? Does he act out violent media or does he have a kind of delusional thought train that he takes on aggressive characters as a kind of fantasy play?  How about physical exercise; does he get enough exercise?

He really enjoys super hero stuff (captain America) and transformers, so we are limited in violence. Typically he acts out the good guys (which we are using to our advantage as "Good guys don't hit people, especially their sisters") He is getting a ton of exercise and we spend most of the day outside so I know he is burning of energy. 

I hate to bring it up, but if your have guns in the house, you need to be hypervigilant about them.  I only mention this because of the siggie with the cammo ninja- that's quite a fashion statement. I've known of kids as young as yours to use them.

My husband is an avid hunter, but our house is locked up like Ft knox. Everything is under lock and key, ammo is separate and we don't allow him to play with toy guns. DH and I are both trained and licences with fire arms and he is a hunter safety instructor, so we have a good grasp on that and are always explaining gun safety. I know its a mixed bag but we are incredibly vigilant about it. 

I hate that I have to even feel like i have to choose one kid or another. 

Choosing to keep your DD safe is what's best for your son too. This behavior will have consequences IRL in terms of his quality of life. 

The other piece that you need to be considering is school. Is he starting kindie soon? Are you working with the district to put a plan in place to give him help around his issues and behavior? The speech issues could have an impact on his ability to learn to read. The disruptive behavior disorder might be something to share if you haven't. If you withhold this information hoping to give him a fresh start and he acts out, advocating collaboratively with his team at school will be difficult- they won't trust you. It's hard, too, because many educators have a hard time dealing with conditions like ODD without judgement, so there's a huge temptation to avoid sharing.

His teachers have always know. I bring the neuro evals with me when ever we have an IEP meeting as I know it impacts his schooling and it is important for them to help him. He is in summer school right now and his teacher hasn't said a thing. I actually am going to chat with her again about his behaviors lately. I know reading is going well and that he really enjoys school. Right now, this is just simply a one time deal in our house after a busy week and limited sleep. But it still something I have to be concern about, kwim? 

Heather & Nayt

AA0417 said:

You said he enjoys super heroes and that you use that to set an example. However, you may want to phrase it as "Super heroes are kind to their sisters." or whatever instead of "Good guys [...]" because you don't want him to decide he is a bad person if he slips up and does a bad thing. Kids tend to read into it like that. If he feels he is a bad person because he slipped up a time or two, he may stop trying to be a good person or he may struggle with overcoming a time when he is tempted to do something wrong. Good luck.

thats a really good point that I didn't think about. We use them interchangeably. I know he has said he is a bad guy which I explain he isn't bad just that he made a bad choice.