Feeling sad after two weeks of baby finally being home

My baby was born at 26 weeks and was in the hospital for 3 months. I felt sad when she was and went through an overwhelming feeling of emotions, which is normal considering everything my husband and I went through...we practically lived in the hospital. She came home June 2nd and I was happy for two weeks. I stopped pumping the week she came home because she was allergic to dairy. Then after the two weeks I started feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. My dad was sick so he couldn't help me. My sister has a 2 yr old and is a stay at home best friend has a baby and keeps me company when I feel like I need to get husband take one day a week off of work to spend time with me. When I am alone and it has been several hours I feel the urge of being overwhelmed. I feel sad and angry that my baby had to be born early and go through so much. I blame myself even though I cannot think of anything I did wrong. I don't feel like hurting myself or my sweet baby girl, but I feel sad and alone when no one is here to help me. This is a tough adjustment because she is also miserable when she is gassy and colic. This makes me even more sad because I don't want to see her in pain. She takes meds for it and she has gotten better. You would think I would feel better but I don't. I feel like a terrible mother. I am having a hard time letting of what happened. I know you aren't docs, but should I seek help from a psychologist?

Re: Feeling sad after two weeks of baby finally being home

  • Honestly, what you went through can leave you with all kinds of emotional scars.  My twins were born at 26 weeks as well.  ~hugs~  I would say it definitely wouldn't be a bad thing.  You need to take care of you so you can be there for your tiny one.  

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  • I vote yes too. You have been through a lot, being a new mom is hard in itself, and you have the stress of a preemie as well. Give your ob a call and they should be able to point you towards someone who specializes in postpartum care. Good luck!
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  • I agree with the PP.  When your child is in the NICU, you're in survival mode and don't stop to think about how difficult it is to see your child fight to survive each day, have to learn how to eat and breath, etc., but once the dust settles and you're home, it all comes rushing to you. 

    Have you thought about counseling?  I found it to be very helpful.  I believe I had a bit of PTSD after the birth and NICU time.  I had a hard time seeing the doctor that delivered them, driving past the hospital, seeing pregnant women, etc and counseling helped me work through those issues.  It also helped me to realize that I did nothing wrong and couldn't have stopped my twins from being born at 26 weeks...that guilt is hard to let go. 

    Big hugs to you!
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  • gcamacho0816gcamacho0816 member
    edited July 2014
    Thank you. You all encouraged me to get help. I contacted my psychologist and made an appmt. My husband suffers from anxiety and is also trying. He feels like giving up in helping her when she is colic. I notice he is frustrated so I take the baby away and try to comfort her. We take turns, but last night I noticed he was more frustrated then usual. I feel like I am alone and a single mother. I am not working yet although it feels like hard work. He works and then comes home to help me, but sometimes I notice he doesn't want to do anything. I don't think he realized how hard having a baby was going to be. He was much more helpful and positive when Gianna was in the hospital and I was recovering from my c section. It is a roller coaster on our marriage and I feel so sad when he isn't as strong as he was. Am I asking for too much from him? There are times he comes home and I can't wait to give him Gianna because I have been with her all day. It has been so hard on us and I feel so depressed over this. I wish every night that Gianna's acid reflux and colic gets better. I don't understand why this has to happen to her. She has been through enough. I just want a happy baby so that I can be happier too.
  • I'm glad you got an appointment! Maybe it would be helpful for the 2 of you to go together a few times as well. Having a baby (and a preemie at that) is such a big change, so it will probably take some time to feel out your new roles.

    For us it really helped to set some expectations (like I get a little break when DH gets home from work, then I do bedtime so he gets some time to himself too, we take turns sleeping in on the weekends, etc) so we were on the same page and nobody was surprised or felt like the other person wasn't pulling their weight. I also found out that sometimes I need to just let DH deal with DS when he's upset, and that he deals with DS in different ways than I do, and that's okay. He's a parent too, and it's his job. That's not to say that we don't ask each other for help when we really need it ;-)
  • I'm glad you're getting help. I think you both should speak to someone. What you're experiencing is normal for a preemie mom, and it will be therapeutic for you to pour it all out!

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  • Glad you got help! If nothing else, a good counselor can help you work through your emotions and develop positive coping mechanisms. Reaching out to other mommas on here is a good thing, too! :)<3
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  • Another 26-weeker over here - I have been there and it sucks :( I think talking about it to someone can really help. I didn't realize how upset I was over it until I saw a therapist. It helped so much. I also joined a local preemie parents group and that has been amazing. Best of luck to you and big hugs.

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  • Thank you everyone for the encouragement. I go to my psychologist today. My dad is watching Gianna...Last night Gianna cried after I fed her 4.5 oz. She then look uncomfortable so I gave her colic calm. She then seemed hungry after an hour so I tried putting her to sleep and trying everything to sooth her. After 30 more min I fed her again 2oz because I didn't want her to throw up. She feel asleep and I was amazed. Was it colic or hunger. She is only 9lbs and my doc told me to give her 4.5oz every 2 to 3 hrs. Her hunger cues are similar to colic symptoms.
  • It's hard to tell why they're fussing sometimes. If she seems.hungry after the 4.5 oz it could just mean she's growing and wants more food. It sounds like you figured out what she wanted and did the right thing!

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  • thank you again:)
  • gcamacho0816gcamacho0816 member
    edited July 2014
    I went to my psychologist. She told me that what I had was post traumatic stress from everything I went though. The stress is leading to anxiety. She suggested talking to others who have baby blues or have had a similar experience. A online group like this or going in person to a group might help. I notice that when my baby cries non stop with colic my anxiety kicks in. My husband helps me when I become nervous. A night ago was so bad that my mother in law wanted to help us. My husband and I agreeed to bring our baby to her (5 min away) and had her sleep there. I started crying and felt horrible because we tried everything and nothing worked. I know we needed sleep and I am probably going to have nights when this happens again. Is having help good for us? I am sure as long as we don't abuse it. It makes me feel like I didn't succeed as a mom and a horrible mom. How much patience can I have after a baby is crying and screaming for 3 hrs. This is so difficult and makes me say to myself that I do not another baby after her. I never thought it was going to be this rough. It was already a rough 3 months with her in NICU and now this. So overwhelmed.
  • Lurker here .. I had my oldest at 28 weeks and went threw all the same emotions in and out of the NICU ... its so hard having the stress of them being home u still worry about things and stress about everything .. hes 7 and I still get that way because of some issues he has with constipation and things ... u just have to take a minute and remember u ARE mom and u CAN handle this and its OK to feel the way u do u have been threw alot and so has your little one .. font be to hard on your self just breath u get this
  • I'm sorry that you're going through all of this.  I also had a 26 weeker and I ended up going on Zoloft for post-partum anxiety.  It is normal to go through all of these emotions, especially with how traumatic and dramatic having such a micropreemie can be. 

    I found that my daughter would cluster-feed in the evenings.  I remember when we first brought her home we were trying to keep her to the NICU schedule of feeding every 3 hours.  Then, when she wouldn't stop crying, but it wasn't time to feed again, we just didn't know what to do.  I said "Screw it, I'll feed her a bottle and see what happens."  Best idea--it really helped.  Like PP have said, we're also just learning how to figure out what to do that will let them feel better, and it's ok to try different things. 
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