discipline

huzzahuzza

So now that our babies are older and starting to get into things they're not supposed to get into, how are you discipling your 1 year old? Time-outs? Just say no? *gasp* spankings?

Angela183

We basically run around saying"no", and trying to redirect. I think they are still too young to understand the correlation between a punishment and their behavior.

caden1206

*Gasp* I have popped her on the butt a few times when she repeatedly does something I ask her Not to do. She understands, but can be defiant at times. I usually say no and redirect, but there are a few things that are non-negotiable like wall plugs (we do have the socket protectors).

FWIW, I did not spank my son (11 yo) and I do not think that helped anything.

delino

When I tell her 'no', she laughs at me. The more stern I get the more she laughs.

Angela183

delino said:

When I tell her 'no', she laughs at me. The more stern I get the more she laughs.

Yup. That happens here too.

jesselayne8

delino said:

When I tell her 'no', she laughs at me. The more stern I get the more she laughs.

This. Then after he stops laughing, he mocks me saying "no no.no".

MauLoaM0M

Angela183 said:

delino said:

When I tell her 'no', she laughs at me. The more stern I get the more she laughs.

Yup. That happens here too.

Same here as well.

pnutg

I've learned hand slapping does nothing. I have a strong willed, defiant child over here. I'm thinking about reading some books because he can't even be redirected. It's a challenge.

bumpuser3155624

We say no and try to redirect. If that doesnt work then I pick her upband move her from whatever she is into that is trouble.

huzzahuzza

jacqueandadam said:

We say no and try to redirect. If that doesnt work then I pick her upband move her from whatever she is into that is trouble.

pnutg said:

I've learned hand slapping does nothing. I have a strong willed, defiant child over here. I'm thinking about reading some books because he can't even be redirected. It's a challenge.

This and this! And this is why I asked the question! When I remove him from whatever he is doing to get himself in trouble, I get huge temper tantrums. My little stinker will even look at me and shake his head no and then do it anyway. Or he'll shake his head yes to ask permission... a lot of times he'll obey then but sometimes he'll purposely ask someone else (like Grandma) knowing she'll say yes.

bumpuser3155624

Yeah we are starting to have throw herself on the floor and scream tantrums too. They are awesome.

c-elizabethf

I say "no", "don't touch that", "stop" and redirection. I have had to swat at her hand a couple of times as a last resort but that got me no where. She's pretty hard headed when she wants to be.

huzzahuzza

MOtownMama said:

I used to flick his hand. Now he knows the word "no." He still tries to push his limits but if I tell him I'm going to smack his hand he will refrain. ::sits cross - legged waiting for cps to arrive::

See, this is another reason why I wanted to ask this question because discipline is something I know how to do with the older age groups but 1-year-olds? What I do know is that my 4-year-old nephew flicked my sons cheek one time and I about flew off the handle!!! The reason my nephew did this? His daddy does it to him as a form of punishment but isn't consistent about it so said nephew doesn't connect the flicking with punishment but rather connects flicking with pain.  (why he wanted to inflict pain on my son... well I'm sure we'll find that out later on in life).  

For the most part I'm okay with "flicking" and other forms of physical punishment if done correctly... though it still turns my stomach every time I see it happen, so maybe I'm not okay with it, but rather won't call CPS for it.  

blush64

I do not agree with spanking, smacking, flicking or any other sort of physical discipline. I will never do that. I don't think it is as effective as other forms of discipline and I think it sends a bad message. As long as other people are not going past the point of discipline when they spank it is none of my business how they decide to discipline their kids. One of my sisters uses spanking, we just don't talk about it because there is no point. She will not change her mind and I am not going to change my mind.

I do a lot of redirecting with A. At home we have everything she shouldn't touch moved to a place she can't reach it. She does love to hit right now but I just take her hand gently and show her how to touch nicely. When she hits me I will usually tell her "No, we touch nicely" (many times just "we touch nicely") There is usually a reason she is doing what she is doing so my actions depend on what is going on with her. edit A has quite a temper.

EDIT We don't use time out right now. 

smg2302

We do a lot of redirecting.  DD is experiencing tantrums lately, so we remove her from the situation and don't make eye contact so that we're not validating her tantrum.  We save "no" for dangerous situations and try not to over use it.  I think because DD is in daycare, we end up taking a lot of our disciplinary cues from our provider. 

blush64

dillngr9 said:

We both tell him no and redirect him.  I usually get a big fat grin from him as if he thinks I'm joking.  My H gets the quivering lip and eventual wails when he does it.  It's funny how he responds so very differently to each of us.

I know what you mean. If my husband says no to A she sobs like she has just been terribly hurt. I think his voice is much scarier than mine.

Edit A is incredibly strong willed and hot tempered but it will get easier. (and harder)

Boo0512

Yeah, I'm at a loss. I try to remember that although DD understands what "no" means to a certain extent she probably does not grasp that I'm an authority figure and she SHOULD listen to me.

I use a combination of saying and signing "stop" and I also say "no" and try to explain "this is moms, it is not yours" or "mommy doesn't want you to get hurt so you can't touch/have this." And of course redirect till the freaking cows come home.

DD went through a really bad phase of frequent hitting/slapping/biting and when it went on for too long I tried slapping her hand and that just resulted in her giving me a dirty look and then hitting me back. Le sigh.

ETA: I think she's going to be a tough cookie and I may actually have to read a parenting book...boo!

john5111

We usually say no or this is mamas or dadas...or do this nicely... he does throw tantrums and screams and scrunches his nose sometimes hell pound his fists into the ground. AHH  Sometimes he laughs or smiles at us...
at dinner he has gotten to where he plays with his food or throws it on the floor..we have to end up taking his tray away and then giving him one piece of food at a time or that he is done eating at that point. he usually freaks out.

I dont think hitting would do anything...and not sure hed really get what a time out is yet but when he does well def be doing those.

MAdams728

DD hates having her hands restrained. If she doesn't respond to No and tone of voice I will hold her hands together and tell her No again in a harsher tone of voice, then redirect.

emmy236

Like @pnutg‌ I have a very defiant child too. It also doesn't help that he's huge. He can open any door that isn't locked so he loves going into the pantry/bathroom. We spent a good 40% of our day redirecting him. He loves to be engaged like playing chase, dancing, being outside so if I'm trying to cook dinner or finish up work he's at his worst. Discipline was something DH and I really sat down and talked with our pediatrician about. We have both decided that we will not be a physical family when they are kids. Kids want attention, good or bad so we have been working on redirecting and saying no. If he loses it and starts his tantrums we let him go. We ignore that bad behavior. He's learned quickly he doesn't get a reaction and they have become fewer and shorter. I'm sure he'll always test his boundaries but we plan on the "no attention" approach. We'll do some time outs, have him go to his room down the road. Once he calms down from a tantrum we give lots of cuddles and then find an appropriate toy or activity and play together.

Both DH and I do not think that anything a child does merits physical punishment. Now, if he becomes an asshole of a teenager, I can't guarantee he won't get a slap if he's trying to do something dangerous.

littledaisies

I'm glad someone asked this because it's been on my mind. A couple months ago, a firm "no" would work but that doesn't anymore. It does the complete opposite,  it encourages to keep doing whatever he's doing. For example, he was licking the floor. Actually licking the floor and looking at me. I told him firmly, "no that's yucky we don't do that ", he laughed and kept doing it to see my reaction. I've been trying to redirect but that ends up with a tantrum and he is even more determined to do whatever he was told not to do. 

I have flicked his hand and smacked it (lightly) when he was trying to do something dangerous. For example, he ran over to a hot  grill on 4th of July and was about to touch it. It worked and he did not try to go back to it again. I prefer not using this option all the time so I need to come up with other ways. 

telicious2

I use "Don't touch" or "stop" before using "No". When those do not work (almost always), then I will pick him up and place him near his toys.

I do not think sitting in time out is effective right now because he likes to sit in the recliner or rocking chair. And I do not think he will understand the concept of sitting in time out.

Lolalipsy

emmy236 said:

Like @pnutg‌ I have a very defiant child too. It also doesn't help that he's huge. He can open any door that isn't locked so he loves going into the pantry/bathroom. We spent a good 40% of our day redirecting him. He loves to be engaged like playing chase, dancing, being outside so if I'm trying to cook dinner or finish up work he's at his worst. Discipline was something DH and I really sat down and talked with our pediatrician about. We have both decided that we will not be a physical family when they are kids. Kids want attention, good or bad so we have been working on redirecting and saying no. If he loses it and starts his tantrums we let him go. We ignore that bad behavior. He's learned quickly he doesn't get a reaction and they have become fewer and shorter. I'm sure he'll always test his boundaries but we plan on the "no attention" approach. We'll do some time outs, have him go to his room down the road. Once he calms down from a tantrum we give lots of cuddles and then find an appropriate toy or activity and play together.

Both DH and I do not think that anything a child does merits physical punishment. Now, if he becomes an asshole of a teenager, I can't guarantee he won't get a slap if he's trying to do something dangerous.

In terms of discipline exactly this. Both my H and I will not be using physical punishment. Eliza is quite mellow at the minute so saying no and redirecting seems to be working.

memcgee1

smg2302 said:

We do a lot of redirecting.  DD is experiencing tantrums lately, so we remove her from the situation and don't make eye contact so that we're not validating her tantrum.  We save "no" for dangerous situations and try not to over use it.  I think because DD is in daycare, we end up taking a lot of our disciplinary cues from our provider. 

Exactly this.  I felt like I was constantly saying "no" and sounding like a broken record, so now "no" is only for dangerous situations.  We mostly are just redirecting, and ignoring her when she throws a tantrum.  I personally don't believe in spanking at this age because I feel it sends the message that it's ok to hit people.  I will start using time-outs with her when she begins to understand them.   

coffeeandbooks

delino said:

When I tell her 'no', she laughs at me. The more stern I get the more she laughs.

yep, this.

The only thing I  do to stop a behavior is  pick him up and put him somewhere else or take away the questionable item.  After I pick him and put him somewhere else he will run back to what he was doing a few more times but eventually gives it up.
I am not crazy about the idea of a time out for a one year old.   To me, they seem too young to get it.

huzzahuzza

SpankingShank said:

We try not to use "no". Like PPs, we try to use don't or stop.
A close friend of mine will say " that's not nice" instead of telling her kids something is bad or naughty. I really like that and am trying to imement that now.

J's babysitter used "no thank you" a lot. It still uses the word no but it's much more polite.

coffeeandbooks

I think it is ok to say, no, but I try not to overuse it.   If he is doing something dangerous or unsafe, I say "danger," or "not safe."

flyliceandcoffee

huzzahuzza said:

We try not to use "no". Like PPs, we try to use don't or stop. A close friend of mine will say " that's not nice" instead of telling her kids something is bad or naughty. I really like that and am trying to imement that now.

J's babysitter used "no thank you" a lot. It still uses the word no but it's much more polite.

S gets told "no no" or "no thank you" since they use both at her DC. She definitely knows and understands what it means since she'll shake her head no when she doesn't want something or knows she shouldn't do something. Sometimes, though, she still does it even after we redirect and tell her no no. If that happens, we generally take her away from whatever she's doing and if she throws a tantrum, we ignore it and let her throw her fit. If we don't pay any attention to her, she usually stops and does something else.

snowgirl427

I'm late to this game, but we say no and try to re-direct. J is very strong willed and so that typically works about... 1% of the time. We've tried a "time-out" which is simply sitting somewhere for a minute. He does love to stop when you tell him to, look you in the eye, and go right back to doing what you've told him not to do... without breaking eye contact.

It's hilarious but we try (most of the time successfully) not to laugh.

beatlechicksteph

We do a lot of "no" with a redirection. But, we also have started putting him in the same spot, so a precursor to a time out, but not really. For example, I was trying to teach him not to climb his changing table, so I would remove him from the changing table, tell him "no" and set him on his bottom next to the rocking chair. He would cry for two minutes, but then get up and try again. So I would do it all over again. He eventually stopped doing it. He knows the word no, and he's starting to stop his actions with the word. Now that we're living with my aunt, in a house that is SOOO not child proofed, my whole day is saying "no" and redirecting. *sigh*

Blueyed228

I use no for danger and uh-uh for most other things. 

I do a lot of redirecting.

I have put her in a "time out" for biting.  Its not a real time out, but I pick her up and put her on the couch and sort of hold her there for 1 min.

I have found that teaching her how to "do nice" and rewarding that with praise when she does it has helped curb the biting.  And she has gotten better with the dog. 

I have no plans to spank my kids at this age. 

Blueyed228

SpankingShank said:

Do you mean no plans @Blueyed228‌ ?

Jesus. Yes. NO plans.

Stupid phone

TradeMama

In my experience, the best method of discipline is consistency. As children test boundaries, it's important for them to know what is acceptable and what is not. With Connor (and with my older kids), DH and I never have spanked unless it is an immediate danger (running out in traffic, etc.). We mostly redirect... however for us an important element is knowing our kids' limits and minimizing opportunities to get into trouble.