Nostalgia makes me angsty

jellybean529

So mine and XH's anniversary would have been this past weekend. Would have been 9 years of marriage. Blah.

Anyway...I find myself getting really angsty thinking of the past. Thinking of having a whole/intact family unit. Dad coming home to play with A while I got dinner ready. Alternating nights putting her to bed. Commiserating with each other about a really rough day or rejoicing in the joy of a really good day. Going out and doing things as a family on the weekends. I know it hasn't really been like that in years...XH and I started to fall apart 3 years ago and that communication pretty much stopped after that and even during the "good times" it wasn't THAT great, anyway...but thinking back through these stupid rose colored lenses just makes me all sorts of angsty. Occasionally a picture will pop up on my FB sidebar or through the Timehop app on my phone and just remind me of something about that time and I get all sad. Moreso lately than I had been in the past. Like...I just want ONE DAY where it's like it is in my memory again. I don't miss him because he is not that person anymore, I just miss us all being together. It just makes it worse that we're not even really friends anymore.

I feel like I've just been spinning my wheels and not moving forward. I have counseling tomorrow so I'll have to discuss this with my counselor then. IDK know why I'm posting this...just to vent I guess.

freeatlast2014

Omg I know exactly what you mean. Big hugs.

Man do I know what you mean!

jellybean529

Thanks. Hugs to you too. It's weird to celebrate it being over and yet still long for the togetherness all at the same time. 

20thirteen

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. *Hugs*

MinnesotaMomma91

Hugs, i like to refer to those moments as graduation goggles. If i figure oit how to power through them amd not be affected ill let you know

freeatlast2014

@Excited30‌ they will always blame us cause they alternative means more responsibility on their part to take ownership of the situation. Clearly these BD's suck at that!

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jellybean529

becwheat said:

I have been there AND I have recently felt the opposite.

In my years as a single mother I began to really treasure my life with smaller family. When FI moved in I was beyond excited, yet I was also a little thrown off. I realized I was missing having my regular routine with just me and DD. I was missing having time to myself after she went to bed.

Change can be hard no matter what the change is. Granted it was easier adding my amazing FI than starting on my own, but it was still an adjustment. The only advice I have is to remember. Having those good memories is not bad! Just remember why they are memories now and not reality. Share them with your DD someday and until then file them away. ((hugs))

Haha -- it'd be easier for me if I actually had time to myself after DD goes to bed. Bedtime is an absolute nightmare in my house. Thank you for your kind words though. You're right, those memories are good memories but they're memories for a reason.

jellybean529

Excited30 said:

I was actually feeling this same sort of sadness last night as I was falling asleep.  And reading your post brings it all back to the surface.  It's been 3 years since he and I have been apart, and yet it's those "good times" of sharing life in all it's messiness and the end of the days snuggling (when we weren't fighting that is) and the friendship of just doing it together.  Now he blames me for so much and just it's not fun..

Sorry to have brought it all to the surface for you. Hugs friend. I know exactly what you mean.

jellybean529

MinnesotaMomma91 said:

Hugs, i like to refer to those moments as graduation goggles. If i figure oit how to power through them amd not be affected ill let you know

Graduation goggles...I love it

Helenahhandbasket

I think sometimes, we remember things more fondly than they actually were.  Not saying that's 100% true for you, but I know I am personally guilty of this.

Maybe you are missing company/ sharing your life with someone?  Are you ready to date?  Maybe even doing some casual dating would be a good distraction for you?

jellybean529

Helenahhandbasket said:

I think sometimes, we remember things more fondly than they actually were.  Not saying that's 100% true for you, but I know I am personally guilty of this.

Maybe you are missing company/ sharing your life with someone?  Are you ready to date?  Maybe even doing some casual dating would be a good distraction for you?

Oh I absolutely remember things more fondly than they actually were. I have vivid memories of spending fun times together giggling and taking pictures in the grass and whatnot but those were the exception rather than the rule. 

I ventured out into the dating world about a month ago, looking to just casually date someone, but quickly realized that I'm just not emotionally there yet. I'm struggling with some mental health stuff left over from the circumstances of our separation...being cheated on (more than once) will really wreck your self esteem and ability to trust people. I see a counselor weekly and I'm making progress but I really feel like I need to get that resolved before I'll feel comfortable dating. 

ETA -- I am pretty lonely overall, but my BFF just moved back to town this week so hopefully once her life settles down we can have some girl time and it'll be much better.

MinnesotaMomma91

Having a friend close by will definitley help

20thirteen

jellybean529 said:
I'm struggling with some mental health stuff left over from the circumstances of our separation...being cheated on (more than once) will really wreck your self esteem and ability to trust people. I see a counselor weekly and I'm making progress but I really feel like I need to get that resolved before I'll feel comfortable dating. 


I was seeing a counselor while I was pregnant and for the first 6-8mo of DD's life, and while I'm not totally over the cheating thing, I've been able to talk about it with BF and he understands that sometimes I can get neurotic over stupid little things that he knows and I know are stupid little things. *hugs*

Helenahhandbasket

Hugs Jelly.  Glad your friend is moving back to your 'hood.

jellybean529

20thirteen said:

I was seeing a counselor while I was pregnant and for the first 6-8mo of DD's life, and while I'm not totally over the cheating thing, I've been able to talk about it with BF and he understands that sometimes I can get neurotic over stupid little things that he knows and I know are stupid little things. *hugs*

That's a good BF you've got there

I'm really hoping I can get to the point where I don't punish another person for the poor choices my XH made. On the surface I don't think all men are liars and cheaters, I just have a hard time right now believing that it won't happen to ME again which is what makes me neurotic.