DD has Daddy Separation Anxiety

Starfish+77

DD is 19 months and has serious separation anxiety with my DH. Lately she cries hard when he drops her off at daycare. She insists on him putting her to bed and down for naps on the wknd. Will throw a huge tantrum if I even try to do it. Also he has to be the one to give her a bath. It's making me feel awful, of I course I know that's not her intention but it's upsetting to me. I also have a 3 mo DS so I was spending a lot of I time with him of course as a newborn while my DH had DD. Well now it seems we can't share responsibility and he constantly has DD, I constantly have the baby. She points at me, points to the door and says "bye bye". Any tips to get her to want/need Mommy again? Should I just insist on putting her to bed and let her scream for DH? I miss my little girl :-(

ashiscute

Honestly I'd probably just giver her a bit of time to be attached to daddy.  When DS was born DH was taking care of a lot of DD's needs and she went through a stage of preferring him.  It was really hard and I'd get irrationally mad at DS for taking away my relationship with DD.  

For now I'd let him do her bed time routine.  And I'd pick a special time out of the day where you can do something just the two of you.  I started DD in gymnastics at 2 and always went with her so we could have something just the two of us.  It's just a phase and she'll be back to wanting mommy soon.  She's going through a lot right now so I wouldn't force her.  Hope it gets better for you soon!  

Crequito

My 15 month DD has had daddy separation anxiety for a few months now.  Sometimes she even throws a fit when he leaves to take the dog for a walk!  I have to distract her so he can leave without her noticing or make it into a game where she helps get the leash and get daddy's hat and closes the door behind them.  At first it bothered me because she didn't have any anxiety when I would leave but then I realized that I want her to worship her daddy because he is an amazing father and I know he's showing her how she deserves to be treated by other men when she's (much) older.  I would be more worried if she never felt any anxiety when he left.

This morning was the first time she's cried when I left for work.  I felt awful but also like yes! She does love me!  I know that sounds bad but it's seriously the FIRST TIME and she's been crying over daddy leaving since at least 12 months.  I say just let it run it's course but also like PP said pick out a special mommy activity.  I usually do wake up and bedtime routine and book time.

Starfish+77

Thanks everyone. I'm dealing with some PPD since having DS and I just really miss my daughter. She is in FT daycare still while I'm on maternity leave to maintain her routine so I only see her nights and wknds. Of course that's when DH is here and she only wants him. @ashiscute I'm starting to resent my son at times for the time I spend with him and taking me away from DD, as you mentioned you had felt. I know it's ridiculous but I can't help it. I guess I'll continue to let my DD go to daddy all the time and just deal and hope its a phase :-(

ashiscute

Starfish+77 said:

Thanks everyone. I'm dealing with some PPD since having DS and I just really miss my daughter. She is in FT daycare still while I'm on maternity leave to maintain her routine so I only see her nights and wknds. Of course that's when DH is here and she only wants him. @ashiscute I'm starting to resent my son at times for the time I spend with him and taking me away from DD, as you mentioned you had felt. I know it's ridiculous but I can't help it. I guess I'll continue to let my DD go to daddy all the time and just deal and hope its a phase :-(

It is.  When DS was born DD hadn't started saying mama yet.  So when he was 5 days old or so I was in bed nursing him and DD came to my door (she was 19.5 mos) and said "mama" and I was hysterical.  DH took her away and put her to bed and I felt like the world's biggest failure.  

It was really hard sometimes to go to him when he cried because I felt like it wasn't fair and that I should stay with DD more.  But it did get better for all of us.  They are such good friends now and if you ask DD who her best friend is she will say DS without hesitating.  I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's there!  I'm sending you lots of hugs!

Stephorse

It was like this too for me with my oldest LO. It just took some time. It took a few days of DH being gone for work and me getting one on one time with me for him to realize that I can have fun with him too. He is still Daddy's boy, but now realizes that he can have fun with mommy too.