Returning to work after #2 (or more)

MickeyM04

So T minus 13 days til I'm back at work (seems like just yesterday I was posting about my guilt about bringing DS to DC while I was on maternity leave with DD!) and I am starting to panic about the logistics even though I've done this before.

When it was just DS, I would pick him up at 6:00 (assuming on time train), we would be home at about 6:20, dinner would be on the table by 6:30 (I pre-prepare our meals so it's just a matter of reheating when I get home)..  Then DS in bath by 7:30 and in bed by 8:00.  I am now slightly panicked about the logistics of adding in an infant DD who for the past couple of weeks I have been getting in the bath around 6:55, nursing right after bath and then getting her to bed at 7:45ish.  I can only assume daycare pick ups will take longer now since I have to go to her room, pick up her bottles and information sheet, and then go to DS's room and pick him up as well.  I am guessing I will now be getting home about 6:30 and dinner on the table at 6:40.  DS isn't exactly a quick eater so there is no way we could start dinner at that time and I could still start DD's routine at 6:55.  I would probably have to move it back at least 15 minutes.  This really freaks me out because she starts crapping out about 6:00, but knowing what our schedule will be like when I'm back at work, I've been keeping her up later than she would like because I didn't want to start a routine where she goes to bed at 6:30, and then when I go back to work we aren't even getting home until 6:30.  So to move her bedtime back 15 minutes likely means 15 minutes of her screaming.  However, I also really don't like the idea of getting up from the dinner table before DS is done so I can attend to DD's bedtime routine (for a multitude of reasons including the fact that DS has moved his own bedtime earlier because he wants to take a bath and go to bed when DD does, which means as soon as I get her out of the bath, he's getting in and DH is bathing him and doing his bedtime routine...then by the time I'm done with DD at 7:45, DS is in bed.  So both of those options sound gross to me but obviously if there are no other options, I'll do one of them.

Then my other concern is the logistics of getting everything ready for the next day...I've been trying to go to bed around 8:30 or 9:00 so I can get a good chunk of sleep before DD wakes up for her MOTN feeding...but  I will now have to make her bottles and play breastmilk scientist from all the random bottles I've pumped during the day (I say random because with DS each pumping did not correlate to one bottle so I had to mix and match the milk I pumped during the day to make the appropriately sized bottles for him).  Plus cleaning up after dinner and getting my lunch ready for the next day, getting DS's stuff ready for the next day, cleaning my pump parts and getting all that stuff ready to go, etc. etc. etc.  I just feel like I'm not going to have enough time to get everything done without sacrificing sleep.  And I really don't want to sacrifice the little sleep I am getting.  Do you ladies have any time saving tips?  I really don't want to get both kids to bed and then tell DH, sorry, you need to do X, Y, and Z, because I'm going to bed. 

Also how would you deal with the logistics of our getting home, eating dinner, bath and bedtime routine?  Make DD wait a bit?  Eat dinner and get up and leave before DS is done and then just see him in the morning?  I feel like I'm missing an obvious solution here...TIA for any tips you can offer.  I feel like a novice all over again.

emberlee3

You could try having YH bathe the baby, so you can finish dinner with your son.  Then nurse the baby, put her down, and go give your son a few snuggles as he goes to sleep.  I think that's what we did when DD was a baby.  DH loved having a little one-on-one time with DD, since I was the primary feeder even after we switched to formula (she only wanted bottles from me).

As far as YH helping out in the evening, if you are the one getting up for feedings, then it is only fair for him to do more of the chores so that you can go to bed.

litzo27

So I'm not sure if this will be super helpful since my kids go to bed later (but maybe that's one option for you? or cut out the playtime I have)

5:30-6:00 pick up DS1 at school, DS2 at daycare, get home and take DD from nanny (her last nap is usually around 5 for 30-40 minutes).
6:00-7:00 play all together and at some point nurse DD (earlier or later depending on when she ate)
7:00-7:15 reheat dinner and set the table
7:15-8:00 eat dinner.
8:00 bath for DD. If boys are done with dinner one of them can get in bath with her (they take turns). DH gives the other one a shower. If they are slow both get showers (have since they turned 2).
8:15-8:30 I nurse DD while DH clears table and gives them showers and PJs on and starts reading.
8:30 - 9:00 I usually can join them for a couple more minutes of reading and goodnight kisses and to sit with them while they fall asleep.
9-9:30 kitchen wipe down (DH clears the table but never leaves the kitchen in the condition I need it to be), prepping of lunches for next day. I don't worry about bottles too much: I freely mix from different days and pump times and have for years without any issues. So it's just a matter of pouring together however many bottles I need and washing parts.
9:30 bed if I'm tired or TV while folding laundry

MickeyM04

Thanks for all the great info. I would love to put DD to bed before dinner and then have dinner at a more leisurely pace just the three of us but she still takes forever to eat and I'm not able to put her down drowsy yet so even if I started her routine right when we got home she wouldn't be down til almost 7:30 which is too late for DS to wait for dinner. Plus he's usually exhausted by then. DH usually gets home around 6:30 so perhaps he can help with getting dinner ready. I do like the idea of him giving DD a bath because then I could spend more time with DS and he could get some much needed time with DD. I knew I had to be missing an obvious solution!

Also good ideas regarding bottles. I didn't realize I didn't have to work so hard to measure everything and whatnot. @PrivacyWanted‌, did that work well for your LOs to have bottles in different amounts? DS always took nearly identical amounts at all feedings so I never thought to not measure the bottles identically.

Thanks also for the advice re letting DH help with chores more since he gets to sleep. I was feeling guilty about even suggesting it but it does make sense since he gets uninterrupted sleep that I should get to go to bed early without doing 900 tasks. Thanks ladies!

TheBorg7of9

I have a 2.5 year old and 6 month old.  Here is our routine.

6:00 DH arrives home and feeds dinner to DS1 and solids to DS2.

7:00: I Bathe, nurse and put DS2 to bed.

7:45: DH starts bath for DS1.  I take over when DS2 is asleep.

8:15: Read books to DS1

8:30: lights out for DS1.

9:00: Dinner just me and DH

9:30-9:40: pump.

10:00 bedtime or work on my computer.

Can you have DH feed first kid dinner, while you start bedtime for second kid?

MickeyM04

I think the thing I am struggling with is that I really want us all to be able to have dinner together. Which might not make the most sense in terms of what's best for each kid. I think it would make more sense for DH to give DS dinner so that I can start DD's routine and get her in bed early like she would ideally want I think. But then either DS and DH are eating without me (which makes me sad) or DS is eating by himself and DH and I are eating at 8:00 (which is late considering I'm trying to get to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 so I can get some sleep before DD wakes for her middle of the night feeding--I would basically be eating and going to bed). But @CTGirl30‌ makes a good point, namely that even if these options aren't ideal they are likely temporary because infants change so quickly anyway. My goal is to get them on the same bath schedule at some point but we just can't now because she's tiny and I have a crazy 2 year old. But in 3 months this could be very possible.

I so appreciate all your ideas. Thank you for sharing your routines with me!!

TheBorg7of9

It would be nice to have dinner together, but that's just not an option for us for a few years. I really enjoy my quiet dinner with just DH anyway. You can bond in other ways than just having food in front of you. We have play time, bath time and reading time which I enjoy a lot more than trying to eat dinner while a toddler throws his food at the wall and the baby cries because he wants to be held.

MommyAtty

We have dinner together. We get home about 6:00, eat dinner at 6:30, do simultaneous baths at 7:00 (I bathe the baby while DH bathes the toddler), feed DS (2 mo old) a bottle laying in our bed while we tell or read a bedtime story to DD (2yo). Put DS in bed at 7:30, come back to snuggle DD and get her in bed at 8:00. It's hectic but works well.

dashofreality

I only skimmed, but a couple things. I had 2u2 and the first year or so was rough. There are times it is going to be tough and definitely not ideal, but it in the grand scheme of things it is for a short time. Things can change dramatically in only a month or so. Can you do bath every other night? I hate baths, that is what we do. If you start on Sunday you only have bath 2x during the week. And I would put the infant tub in side the big tub with my DD and do it together.

Also, I highly recommend getting the Playtex adapter for your pump. It is $10 fits most pumps and you can pump right into the Playtex drop-in liners. I never had this leak (unlike the bags) and when you factor in cost of storage bags it is basically the same price, and no bottles to wash. I also second the serve what you pump.

MickeyM04

The thing that makes me nuts is DD is such a bear to put to bed right now. She eats and falls asleep while eating so I have to wake her so she eats for more than three minutes on one side. Then she basically is awake. She will finish eating and then I will spend 15 mins trying to get her to go to sleep. Then she will close her eyes for about a minute and open them again. Then I will spend 5 minutes trying to get her to go back to sleep and she will close her eyes for about a minute and we start over. But when I put her down awake (thinking maybe I'm over stimulating her or she wants to hang out or whatever), she cries and fusses and then is REALLY hard to get down. And I think she's way too young for CIO so basically I'm of the mindset that it's better to have her doze in and out until I can finally put her down an hour after I start feeding her rather than have her end up hysterical and have it take an hour and a half and listen to her scream because I tried putting her down awake.

So it's very frustrating that her bedtime routine takes an hour. It's not like I can get her down quickly and we can do dinner together. Or like I can get her down quickly and give DS his bath. Tonight for example I started her bath at 6:35. Nursed from 6:45-6:55 (she wasn't interested in eating so that was frustrating). Then I couldn't get her down til 7:40. Meanwhile DS was literally getting into bed as I walked out of her room. Of course we did get to have dinner together because I'm still home and DH got home early but it was frustrating to me to be doing her bedtime stuff for over an hour thinking there just really won't be time for that when I go back to work. I'm probably overthinking it all but I just wish I could give her a bath, nurse her for 15-20 mins and put her down. Does that sound awful? It probably does. I'm preemptively frustrated thinking about how when I go back to work I'll have two hours before I want to go to bed and how I'm going to spend over an hour of that trying to get her to bed. Or I suppose DH could do some of that (except nursing obviously), but then it's just the concept of one of us being tied up that long doing one thing when there are so many other things to attend to--including DS. I need a drink. Or a chill pill. Or both!!!

MommyAtty

Do as much as you can as a foursome. After struggling the first couple of weeks I was back at work, that's what we fell into. We are together for dinner. Split up to do baths. Then back together in our big bed for bedtime routine as a foursome. It also helps DH know what to do, which he kind of sucks at if not given clear direction. So really I think the big key is the bedtime routine in our room. You can nurse in your bed while being involved in your son's bedtime routine. Read a story, talk, then have DH take him to bed while you keep getting the baby wound down.

lifeinthedreamhouse

How old is your baby? Just remember you are in survival mode. I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old. I went back to work when the baby was 2 months. Any time you think you have a routine with a 2 month old, just wait a week or so and it changes. And that gets really frustrating in itself. So try not to get too attached to your routines. At first the baby would fall asleep early and I could bathe my 2 year old after that. Then the baby started staying awake and I would have to set her down right outside the bathroom. Just remember that if the kids are fed, mostly clean , and happy then you are doing a good job. It gets a lot easier around 5-6 months. The first few months being back at work were a struggle.

emberlee3

Do you wear your baby?  We did that a lot in the evenings with DD.  She was colicky and would not go to sleep before 9 for several months.  She basically tagged along with us in the Ergo all evening.  Or she would sit in the bouncy chair in the bathroom while DS took a bath. 

MickeyM04

She doesn't really like being worn in any of the three carriers I have but it's definitely an option we can resort to if needed. And yes I have three carriers. After she didn't like the third I gave up!!