What Makes A Good Mom?

tbmadeamistake

I was reading the expectations vs. reality thread and all I could think was what great moms you all are for being able to deal when those expectations changed!  I thought I'd start a thread where we can all share what we think makes us, or anyone, a great mom. 

Your child has food, clothes, a safe place to sleep, and love.
You are doing what needs doing to keep your baby fed and healthy, even if it's not what you wanted (ie, those who are supplementing but wanted to EBF).
You know your limits and can ask for help/take a break/set baby down for a few minutes and breathe.
As mad as you are at SO, you remember that you love him and your baby could probably use a second parent one day .

I could keep going, but I'm sure you'll come up with most of the rest of my list .

lest12

Just trying? Does that make sense? I felt a little at my wits end today but I keep trying to just try to learn and do better each day.

ricecakes1216

Loving your child unconditionally and making sure yours child knows how much he/she is loved. Being there through the hard times and good times.

catsinawindow

I read a quote from Mr. Rogers over the weekend that I really liked.  He stated that kids need to know that they are loved and capable of loving others (or something along those lines).  I think that ensuring this makes you a good mom.

Another idea that I like (and this will become more relevant in a few weeks when the working mamas start returning to work) is that we can never be the perfect mom, perfect employee, perfect friend, perfect spouse, etc, but we can be a perfect balance of these things.  I call it being the perfect "me".  I think being a good mom means finding that balance to be the perfect "you".

sjn00

Taking time out for myself and letting my husband take over some of the responsibilities!! This was huge for me because I am always the one to make sure everyone else is okay before myself and wanting to do everything myself. I keep reminding myself that its okay to want or need "me time" whether it is just putting on makeup for the day, doing a face mask, taking a nice hot shower, watching a tv show, taking a nap, painting my nails.. whatever the need for the day might be! and to allow my husband to take over for a bit each day so I can get that!!

lest12

SaraJoy00 said:

Taking time out for myself and letting my husband take over some of the responsibilities!! This was huge for me because I am always the one to make sure everyone else is okay before myself and wanting to do everything myself. I keep reminding myself that its okay to want or need "me time" whether it is just putting on makeup for the day, doing a face mask, taking a nice hot shower, watching a tv show, taking a nap, painting my nails.. whatever the need for the day might be! and to allow my husband to take over for a bit each day so I can get that!!

I started to see that not only do I need those few minutes, but they are good for DH, too. He needs the time to bond, feel capable, learn how to be a good dad... it can be easy to try to do everything - especially since we spend more time/energy with the feedings, etc - but I'm sure DH doesn't need to feel like I'm the only one who can help the baby *all* the time.

I guess that's more about being a good partner, but it can make you a good mom, too.

katekat8721

jmar2011 said:

Building up your child. Even now, when they may not understand.
When Preston is eating and doing really well at it I tell him pver and over again how good he is doing, how proud I am, and when he gives me a good burp I praise him and give him kisses on the cheeks. In return I get great big smiles
I also think that is part of just being there for your child. They need us.
Also enjoying them at this stage, not pushing them or wishing for the next stage. They will only be this way for so long

Damn hormones, making my eyes leak and stuff! Beautifully said!

JulieSmiles

Realizing mistakes you have made and growing from them so that you can better care for and love your child in the future. Taking time to get to know your child, their needs, cues, stressors, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Showing your child love, dignity, and respect, even when your at your wits end... especially if this means you need to walk away. Showing them love.

sjn00

lest12 said:

SaraJoy00 said:

Taking time out for myself and letting my husband take over some of the responsibilities!! This was huge for me because I am always the one to make sure everyone else is okay before myself and wanting to do everything myself. I keep reminding myself that its okay to want or need "me time" whether it is just putting on makeup for the day, doing a face mask, taking a nice hot shower, watching a tv show, taking a nap, painting my nails.. whatever the need for the day might be! and to allow my husband to take over for a bit each day so I can get that!!

I started to see that not only do I need those few minutes, but they are good for DH, too. He needs the time to bond, feel capable, learn how to be a good dad... it can be easy to try to do everything - especially since we spend more time/energy with the feedings, etc - but I'm sure DH doesn't need to feel like I'm the only one who can help the baby *all* the time.

I guess that's more about being a good partner, but it can make you a good mom, too.

Yeah.. taking that time out for myself forces me to step away and regather so I can better take care of my baby. Being the one doing everything day in and day out is tiring and exhausting and I have noticed my head will get cloudy and my emotions go haywire. Without that time for myself I would be a complete mess right now. My Husband spends tons of time and helps out with everything even if I didn't take the breaks. Im not worried about him not having that time to bond =] I just had to learn to be okay with handing over some of the responsibilities and remind myself that just because I am her mom, I dont have to do everything, he can do things too and it will be just as good

roadspeckle

Never being afraid to admit to your mistakes and apologizing for them. My mom always said that she's not above apologizing to her children and she did whenever she needed to. I love that about her. It allows children to learn the meaning of owning responsibility and about forgiveness.

PressLove

Seeing her cuteness, despite my frustration. When I think I'm at my breaking point, LO makes the cutest smile. It's my test button.

SarahS11

I think what makes a good mom is knowing how to laugh/still have fun...

There have been so many times where I get frustrated and am on the verge of tears and then something happens (poop explosion, squirt LO in the nose with milk) and you just have to laugh. Life isn't perfect, I'm not perfect!

Also, DH is my husband because he teaches me how to laugh and have fun! We have a ping pong table in our basement that we played all summer long last year... It got a little hard to play once I had a belly and we missed it, so recently I challenged him to a game. LO came to cheer in her bouncer. All the sudden, mid game, she let out a juicy poop explosion. The ping pong game then turned into an intense betting battle based on loser changes the diaper! It was fun to laugh and play with my DH just like old times, but with a new purpose.

There is a quote that I love that says something like "adults need to have fun so children will want to grow up" how true is that? We get so absorbed in parenting, work, bills, stress...that sometimes we just need to show our kids how fun life can be!

Bozzy2

Being imperfect makes a great mom because it teaches our little ones to embrace our imperfections and love who we are.

liberty95

I think the quote, "There is no way to be a perfect mother and a millions ways to be a good one" sums it up pretty well.

edit: spelling

babygabe614

I love this thread!

For me, being a good mom has meant relinquishing control. When I "planned" to have this awesome vaginal birth and ended up with a pretty traumatic c-section instead, when I planned to EBF and am now EP'ing and supplementing, and even how I planned to be the one who could soothe my child best but now realize she calms right down for DH 99% of the time when I'd still be rocking and shushing a screaming baby... these have all been really difficult things for me to accept and embrace, but I know that by allowing myself to just say, "Okay. This isn't what I thought would happen, but now we are gonna roll with it" is making me and everyone around me a little less stressed and more able to enjoy the things that DO go according to plan.

Katieluc106

Apparently it doesn't take much because you can purposefully leave your child in the train station and not come back and they will still think you're a good enough mom to have your child back. I need to stop watching the news.

What makes me a good mom is my patience I've always been complimented on my patience level for not only children but adults. DH is the complete opposite so we compliment each other. I also treat life as one big fun learning adventure. Even simple tasks like grocery shopping we have fun and learn. Also I'm not over bearing. Sure if something is dangerous I'll step in but for the most part I let Lucy experience things and learn for herself. As a result my kid is a beast. I see kids stub their toes and cry for hours. Lucy fell off her bike and scraped her leg pretty bad and just got back on the bike and said "it's okay my leg is still there".

The biggest thing I've learned that makes anyone a good parent... Don't be afraid of messes. They are gunna happen, a lot. The bigger the mess the better the experience for your child!

kbellizio3

@babygabe614‌ my LO will calm right down for DH too. My pediatrician said its because mommy smells like milk, and she said "imagine someone waking you up and smelled like chocolate cake, you're going to want chocolate cake before you try to fall back to sleep right?". She also said that it doesn't make me a bad mom to say "here DH take her I need a break". So I've been taking advantage of the fact that she conks out after being in DHs arms for 5 seconds!

I have a pretty short temper, but I'm so surprised at how patient I've been especially during her crying fits and when I'm running on little sleep. And I think what makes me a good mom is that I know when I need even a 15 second break to put her down and breathe. It allows me to clear my head and figure out how to try and soothe her when nothing else seems to be working. I also am a planner, and I've done a pretty good job of realizing that you can't 100% plan for things with a newborn.

Damnliz

I have a sign in my kitchen that says Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids.

Also I think that being laid back/ go with the flow about things makes me a better mom. Setting up structure and rules is part of that too.

texasmama2014

My mom and her sister had very different parenting styles. My cousin still talks about how great my mom was: our house was always a disaster, dishes never really done, clothes never folded. Everyday when my mom came home from work she spent time with her kids, and to me that's what's a good mom is: someone who recognizes that there will always be dishes, and more clothes to fold but she chooses to invest in her children.