why can't i go somewhere else for these tests?? *preg. mentioned *getting the b**** out

bravegrace22

I don't want to only post on here to vent, but i had a random bad IF day today and this is the only place i feel comfortable and totally understood when sharing things like this. 

Why don't they have a special office where all of us can go to do ultrasounds, blood work, and other such tests and treatments that is not around the general (apparently VERY fertile public)? I went in to my obgyn for my follow up ultrasound to track ovarian cyst today. I have to psyche myself up just to go in there knowing that there will possibly be pregnant women and there are all kinds of pregnancy related posters, pamphlets, photos, etc around. Today, every woman who came in was there for obstetric appointments. Then as I'm waiting i hear one of the receptionist talking to another one about a patient who is pregnant with her FOURTH child. Now, I immediately went into "greedy b****, id be happy with one" mode and then tried to talk myself down thinking that i didn't know this person's story and maybe she had also experienced IF and if so, how wonderful that she had been successful so many, many times. -yea ok that thought process had some serious bitter undertones, but hey, i tried! There was also a house hunters show on the tv in the waiting room, which shouldn't be a trigger problem, but it must've been the 'we just got pregnant so we have to buy a bigger house' episode. Oh! aannndd the tech doing my ultrasound at the breast center just prior to going for the one at the obgyn was pregnant, but i can't avoid that anymore than someone on the street. 

Having to go to the ob just bums me out and i can't help but wonder why they don't set things up differently because they must understand that it's difficult for someone going through IF to be bombarded with so much of what they desperately want to be there for. 

Ok, that's all, just had to get that out  

FLgirl812

Girl, I hear ya. This happened to me at my sonogram appointment the other day at the OBGYN's office. I watched 2 newly pregnant women go back, and then come out, flashing their little gummi bear pics for all to see. Was I happy for them? Sure. Was I sad for me and a grumpy b**** for a bit? You betcha. I can be happy, genuinely happy, for all of our friends who pop kids out like they're nothing. But seeing the types of some of these women popping them out in my profession and at the OB office is just too damn much to handle sometimes. You're not alone. xo

cupcake122

I'm sorry you had this experience today
I go to an RE so everyone in that waiting room is in the same miserable boat. It's like commiserating together. I know a lot of girls on here go to the OB (though I suspect it has something to do with insurance and referrals), but I highly suggest an re and this is just one of the perks. It's a different tile of specialization in training- JMO

shirleymaeby

Sorry you had such a rough day!  OB offices can definitely be like walking into a minefield.  So hard to get through a routine appointment when you just want to cry the whole time.  I also totally get the frustration with people who already have kids and are pregnant again.  DH is such an awesome supporter though.  When he sees those women he says all the nasty things for me so I don't have to. 

I  go to an RE now and not only do I know everyone in there is in the same boat (which makes me feel a little less isolated) but they actually post signs all over the office asking patients to not ever bring children in.  I love that they are so sensitive to what the women in their waiting room feel like.

catlover790

I'm sorry you had such a rough experience! I felt that way at my last OB appointment before I switched to my RE; it was hard! I go to an RE now that is in its own building and it is much easier now. I know that everyone there is there for IF so I feel much more comfortable. It's okay to be happy and frustrated at the same time!

BunnyBerry

I'm so sorry. Yet another push for seeing an RE I guess. Glad you get to escape the OB's office later this month.

Ugh, a pregnant tech. So awful because we can't put our finger on a reasonable reason to be mad about it. Yet, ick.

desertheart

I feel you!  At my doctor OB/GYN, RE, Urogyno are all the same practice on the same floor.  But they have different offices and waiting areas.

Had an appt. about a month ago for Well Woman and the we want someone to take us serious talk.  Waiting in my usual GYN office.  Pregnant bellies and babies everywhere!  Oh God...and all the mommy magazines.  They called me up and said I'd be seeing a different doc.  Almost cried bc I didn't want to change.  But was sent over to the GYNs who specialize in RE.  No babies and just Architectural Digest and Real Simple in the waiting room.  I thought...I'm in the right place.  And I was!  In this last month we've gotten more help than in three years.

But, when I was in that first waiting room I was overwhelmed and pissed at the same time.   Completely understand.  

aprildarlene

That bites. I completely understand. My best friend has 5 kids. And they're gorgeous and it can be frustrating because I see the attachments and daily life that I crave. My husbands 38 yr old aunt is due any min with her son. She and her hubs are overweight. Sometimes it seems like everyone is taunting you. Saying "neener neener neener!!!!" And I have frequently gone into B%}*!Mode. My husband says not to let jealousy rear it's ugly head, but oh god do I know it's tough. When you get preggo, you will appreciate EVERYTHING so much more because you know the struggle you overcame to obtain it. I wish you the best. Just breathe darling!!

WishUponAChild

ok so I never would rant like this but everyone here seems to make it totally safe. and I need to rant so bad about something.
everyone in my husbands family thinks there is nothing we can even do to get pregnant. They never supported our relationship, and there are a lot of bitter and hurtful out of this world things that have been done to us to hurt us. The newest episode in this drama....
My FIL and SIL threw a family dinner the weekend we were getting married to announce that she was 3 months pregnant...
I was crying outside and finally came in and the aunt came up to me and said "I used to think the worst thing in the world was not being able to have kids..." I just got up and left crying again.

I want to be happy, but it is so hard when its like they were delivering the double whammy. Our wedding weekend? and then to talk about our IF issues like you know its over. I really want to saw F U.

bravegrace22

FLgirl812-yup, i just have to remember that most of the time it's totally irrational jealousy and that it's not their fault that they're pregnant and i'm not. friends getting pregnant is definitely a different animal. i ADORE the many pseudo-children (as DH and I refer to them) that we have been blessed with through our close friends. That can still be tough and I worry about friends who have yet to have kids possibly getting pregnant before us during this time in our life because i don't want them to feel like they can't share it with us. I've tried to make that abundantly clear & hope that us bucking up and telling them about what we're going through will let them know they have someone to turn to if, heaven forbid, they end up going through something similar. 

Here's hoping there will be fewer preggos to run into at your next appointment

bravegrace22

cupcake122- i have an RE appointment at the end of the month that i can not  wait for. i feel like it will be the best thing & from everything i've read on here it seems to help clear things up a lot- like you said, a whole other level of training.

iPutKetchupOnKetchup- everything about your comment. everything. thanks so much for the 'you got this'..it will be my mantra for that last visit, especially since it's the one to go over everything from DH & my tests. I'm looking forward to the RE knowing that no matter what the OB tells us, we still have another step & plan B..C..D..

kmdecoux- isn't it nice to have good hubbies that don't mind being silly & b****y with us  

rainbowbridge14 said:

Although a few times women have brought their kids into the RE's office which stuck me as kind of insensitive. One time it was both a mother and father and I kept thinking "Why didn't one of you just stay at home and spare me feeling so damn uncomfortable with your kid here."

Happy to hear they moved so you don't have to think about it, but sorry there are still a few insensitive people there. You'd think having gone through it, that they'd understand how hard it is for other women in that office to see their baby. Although, I have to say, I think DH is more affected by seeing babies and it's pregnant women/'paraphernalia' that get to me. There was a couple in with their baby that day, but it didn't really phase me. Totally agree though that they could have and should have stayed home or at least waited in another area.

BunnyBerry said:

I'm so sorry. Yet another push for seeing an RE I guess. Glad you get to escape the OB's office later this month.

Ugh, a pregnant tech. So awful because we can't put our finger on a reasonable reason to be mad about it. Yet, ick.

yup can't wait..which is funny because before i decided  discovered that i'd need to be more of my own advocate and a ton a research, i just assumed that i'd be going to the obgyn for everything. oh & i totally forgot about the dr on maternity leave!! until i was telling my hubby about all this. he was like "of course, pregnant tech AND OB on maternity leave. perfect" lol he luckily gets a little of my jealousy but it's so nice having y'all here who really understand how it's so fierce but inexpiable!

aprildarlene said:

That bites. I completely understand. My best friend has 5 kids. And they're gorgeous and it can be frustrating because I see the attachments and daily life that I crave. My husbands 38 yr old aunt is due any min with her son. She and her hubs are overweight. Sometimes it seems like everyone is taunting you. Saying "neener neener neener!!!!" And I have frequently gone into B%}*!Mode. My husband says not to let jealousy rear it's ugly head, but oh god do I know it's tough. When you get preggo, you will appreciate EVERYTHING so much more because you know the struggle you overcame to obtain it. I wish you the best. Just breathe darling!!

i'm sorry, that's tough with people close to you. & YES definitely will cherise every little bit of this experience (good & bad) but i keep telling DH that when it happens not to let me revolve my entire existence around our kid because i already do with our dog hahaha 

viola27 said:

 I may burst into a dramatic fit of outward emotion if it happens again (I'll probably just sit and burn holes in them with my stare though)

lmao been there. some times it feels therapeutic to let the mean thoughts have their way for a bit to just get it out of your system.

bravegrace22

WishUponAChild said:

ok so I never would rant like this but everyone here seems to make it totally safe. and I need to rant so bad about something.
everyone in my husbands family thinks there is nothing we can even do to get pregnant. They never supported our relationship, and there are a lot of bitter and hurtful out of this world things that have been done to us to hurt us. The newest episode in this drama....
My FIL and SIL threw a family dinner the weekend we were getting married to announce that she was 3 months pregnant...
I was crying outside and finally came in and the aunt came up to me and said "I used to think the worst thing in the world was not being able to have kids..." I just got up and left crying again.

I want to be happy, but it is so hard when its like they were delivering the double whammy. Our wedding weekend? and then to talk about our IF issues like you know its over. I really want to saw F U.

that's sucky, i'm so sorry you're having to deal with that and that they don't understand how insensitive that is. we haven't discussed our IF with family yet, so i don't know how they'll be..one of the reasons i've been putting it off..but i am always wondering if DH's sibs will be announcing before us. they are older but BIL is a dbag and the kind of person who f***s up his life, and others, but still gets everything he wants. i get a little of where you are coming from and MIL keeps making comments like "i guess i'll never have grandkids" like seriously, we're f***ing trying, didn't know we were doing it for you. 

UGH families. :P lol 

hope they wise up real quick, and in the meantime you can always vent here. hug 

bravegrace22

Giblins said:

That is very frustrating. I'm sorry that the office is so insensitive. My OB's office is the same, plus my OB is now pregnant and I didn't care for her bedside manner to begin with. I'm thinking about changing to a completely different office with a male doctor at this point. Are you seeing an RE?

i don't think that it's out of the norm for an obgyn to be like it is, it's more my overly sensitive nature as of late, but it does seem odd that offices wouldn't have something in place. 

i'm sorry you're not a fan of your ob and on top of it all that she's preggo. you should definitely find someone you're comfortable with. i love my ob, who's a male, but yes i will be seeing an RE at the end of the month. best of luck to you!!