Emotionally spent

SassFrass

the more comfortable I *begin* to feel about sharing our 2IF journey with others, there is always that one ass hole that reminds me why I don't talk about it. I am having a really rough time, today is 14DPO, and I got a negative on the digi... why I bought those first, IDK. I was just SO sure of this past cycle, perfect timing even though we were on vakay, and great CM, very  +OPK, etc... I POAS and was just extremely disappointed. A friend asked what was wrong, and honestly, I felt like I had an open window to vent a little bit about our situation... and their response was..."why does it matter how many kids you have?" "you are trying to hard, God decides not you" "why do you call yourself a christian if you can't let go and let God" "you should be happy with your one..."

Ok, I get it that I *SHOULD* be happy with one, and I AM! BUT I want to share this experience with my HUSBAND who is going to be there each step of the way. I did this all on my own with DD, and IDK what it is like to do any of this with someone you truly love and care about.

I guess I am just being a selfish bitch right?

These are the days that make me want to give up. I want to quit. I hate feeling like this. The heartache each and every month. the uncertainty of it all. Not knowing what is going to happen... It is all going to be worth it in the end I keep telling myself. But what if, when I get to the end... it is still only DD, and no baby.... ever. I mean we can all only do "so much" and I feel like I am so close to reaching my wits end with it all... emotionally. 

I am sorry I broke down and this ended up longer than I planned on.

I just want you ladies to know how much I love each of you and how thankful I am for all the support given, and the bonds we have built. I COULD NOT do this without you!

Frenchteachermama

I could have written this myself.  I've been feeling the same way recently.  ((hugs))

annibes

2IF sucks. I'm sorry you're in a rough spot right now. It's a bitch of a roller coaster.

Jodee37

This. This makes me remember why I keep fighting. I'm sorry you're down. I'm down too. Edited because I can't spell for shit.

jen4ny

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. It is very emotional. Hugs. 

lazfam1120

I couldn't have said this better myself. I am constantly feeling this way, and feeling like I'm the only person in my life that understands how truly devastating it is. I love my son more than life itself, it's just so hard because at the same time he is a constant reminder of the fear I have of never being able to experience all of these things again.

ScarletBegonia79

Did you all see this article already? i thought this was good.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/12/secondary-infertility_n_4255273.html

southernbelle82

I'm so very sorry people are saying any of that to you!!! Desiring a baby (or more babies) is completely normal...I wish people would keep their negative and hurtful opinions to themselves and just be encouraging and supportive.

Prayers and hugs!!!!

iheartsippycups2

It's so hard. I try not to think about it too much, but it is hard not too. What if I only get one child? Will I be able to be ok with that? Will my husband be ok with that? Honestly, I don't know if I will be ok with it- I love my son more than anything, but I almost feel like a bad parent if I can't give him a brother or sister. I want him to have a sibling- my sister and I are best friends, I want him to experience that with a sibling. I don't want him to grow up a only child.

HawaiianSunset09

I am totally in the same boat

Bananappeal145

Me too. I keep wondering when the constant disappointment is finally going to outweigh the hope. I don't want to get to that point but a small part of me does. At least then I could start moving on with my life.
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I think we all have been/ are there with you.

SassFrass

Thank you ladies. Your encouragement truly helps. I just am so far down right now, I am dragging my self up outta the pit. 15 dpo. bffn. no af. She was due today ;/

Bananappeal145

Sorry ((hugs))

topaz7777

I'm right there with you.  At least we all found this place where we aren't alone in feeling that exact same way.  But it sure is nice sometimes to hear someone spell it out like you did.  Thank you for putting my feelings into words.

yarnymommy

The roller coaster of IF sucks.  Hugs to you.

MrsAtch

I go through waves of being so low I can hardly stand to keep trying. Dealing with IF is exhausting. And unless they've been there most people don't get it. More than anything I've found it to be terribly isolating. I'm sorry you're in this place and I'm glad that you've found us to lean on.

lawmom747

It's really hard and I've spent days feeling this way too. In our area there have been a few news stories the last couple of weeks about parents killing their infants because they are crying. It actually makes me angry to think of the injustice for all of us here - and those idiots out there killing their own children. An example: https://6abc.com/family/pregnant-mom-accused-of-killing-11-month-old-son/191680/

MoFree

I could have written that post. I feel so defeated and bitter about IF. And I may consider throat punching next person who tells me about a couple who conceive naturally after years of IF and several IVF cycles. Just STFU.