October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
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Late Term and Child Loss
CheesyPeas
member
My intro (living child mentioned)
CheesyPeas
member
*Ticker warning and rainbow baby 1.0 mentioned*
This is largely a XP from the October 2014 board but I wanted to add a little bit of additional background for everyone here on the loss board. My name is CheesyPeas, and my DH and I have been married for 4 years. We started TTC right after getting married and got pregnant right away. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a loss at 10 weeks. After that, we conceived our rainbow baby with relative ease, and I spent a good amount of time on the PgAL board (under a different user name that included my real name) and made it through that pregnancy with no issues aside from low progesterone. Once we started trying for a sibling for my DS, we were surprisingly greeted by secondary infertility. After 17ish? cycles, we finally conceived our little girl and had had a completely issue-free pregnancy. Until this past week.
After getting freaked out about lack of movement, I called my OB on Wednesday and came in to be checked. They checked me with a doppler and nothing, so I went next door for an ultrasound knowing all too well what I would be seeing. And I saw her. Perfectly still and peaceful. They induced me that day at 24 weeks, and I delivered 1 lb 1 oz and 11 inches of pure, peaceful perfection that night. We named her Layla Vera. Our last name starts with D, so her initials look like "loved."
She truly was perfect. Perfect tiny little hands, perfect tiny little feet, a perfect little face that I couldn't stop kissing. Simply everything parents could hope for in a little baby except for that beating heart. The cord was around her neck once but it didn't appear tight, so my doctor doesn't feel confident that that's what happened even though it's her best guess at this point. They're doing recurrent loss panels on me because my first loss was far enough into the 1st trimester that my OB suspects there might be something going on, and they ordered tests of her placenta and a tissue sample from her heel to see if we can get some answers. We should have some results in the next 2-3 weeks. If nothing shows up, I guess we go with the cord theory. They were able to confirm quickly in the hospital that there was no infection or pathogens present.
Layla stayed right by our side or in our arms for about 12 hours before I was discharged Thursday morning, and handing her over to the nurse for the final time completely shattered me and DH. We let her big brother meet her and it was the most precious yet heartbreaking thing I could imagine.
The tears rarely stop. I feel like my life is one big ugly cry since Wednesday morning, although a lot of the time the tears and heartbreak remain on the inside as much as possible for DS's sake. We bury Layla on Tuesday, and then climb the mountainous task of trying to put the pieces back together and try again so that DS can have that precious baby to hold for longer than a couple of hours.
I'm so sorry that all of you are here. I look forward to getting to know all of you and your angel stories, and thank you in advance for helping me navigate these waters after going through the most painful experience of my entire life.
November 2010 - 10.5 week loss
October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My intro (living child mentioned)
DH and I are ready to try again once we are cleared. It's nice to meet others on this board who want to try again, it makes me feel less guilty for wanting to have another baby. Just like your Layla, my Madeleine was so perfect that I couldn't stop kissing her face. And now she's gone. No more kisses, and my arms are empty and aching. How could I not want another?
Wishing you healing. Be good to yourself and allow yourself to ride through the hard times. They will be tough but you'll get through each one of them. Bug huge hugs.
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
I'm so sorry for the loss of your wonderful little girl. Beautiful name and initials!
Thank you for telling us about Layla. Hopefully there is some comfort in talking with people who understand the kind of pain a loss like this brings.
Asher born February 5, 2011.
Baby #2 born sleeping at 20 weeks. May 6, 2014.
Ava's Story
BFP#2 10/18/13 Blighted ovum 11/25/13
BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!
I am so, so sorry that you are joining us. Layla Vera is such a beautiful name and I love her initials. How perfectly fitting. Reading your story brings me right back to the days after we lost our Frannie. I hope that you find the same love I have from the women on this board.
Ticker warning. rainbow mentioned
I'm so sorry for your loss of your sweet Layla. What a beautiful name, it was actually the name I had in mind for years when I was younger, and I still love it.
Mine was much earlier than yours, but I too had an early loss in addition to losing my daughter at 22 weeks.....it's just not fair to have to go through so much heartache. I'm glad that you have your rainbow, but I know it doesn't take away the pain of losing your daughter. Our rainbow was just born in March, almost a year to the day of losing her sister....but I will always love our angel and we'll forever have two daughters.
Please feel free to post here as often or as little as you need. I hope you're able to breathe again soon, the first few months are truly the worst, though we never get over a loss like this, it does get better eventually. Big ((hugs)) mama, you're in my prayers.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!