Dating

tig594

I was going to post about this anyway but the 10 things discussions just poked me to do it faster.

 

So, yeah, thinking about dating sucks.  I really don't have time for it.  But I have been considering it.  My questions to you all:

Have you used an online dating site, which one, and what were your results?  Did you actually pay for the service?

If you didn't use an online site how do you go about meeting people?  At my age and with a toddler I just don't go to bars.  I can't remember when I was last in a bar.  In fact, I'm usually in bed sleeping by the time most people are starting to get ready to go to the bar.  lol.  I'm so lame.

freeatlast2014

The guy I'm seeing now I used to work with. I reached out to him out of the blue about a job and so he found me some other "work" to do. Lol

I have a crush on my pool boy (who I think is 10 years younger than me). I've been tempted to...well... Whatever

And lastly there is a cute guy at work but since I'm messing with the old coworker I haven't really pursued him. Nor has he pursued me so maybe there is a reason for that.

I have not done online dating. I've heard some crappy stories but also know of great successes. From what I hear it's a numbers game and the more people you see the better your chances are. I don't have much time for that but I would consider it for sure.

My stbxh gets visitation so I use that time to see my friend. My sister will babysit for me too. Last night he came over after the kids went to sleep and left after a few hours. He lives 300 miles away so that's not the norm for us.

Oh and my wedding picture is still up. I took down 2 and don't have the heart for the last one. Oops.

MinnesotaMomma91

I met bf in high school and we just reconnected(we never really unconnect).

Anyways my suggestion would be having friends or family set you up. I looked around of plenty of fish for awhile when bf and i were just starting to talk(But not dating) because a girl i was best friends with at the time set up a profile for me. That wasnt bad. There were some decent guys on that site and some that were pitiful creeps.

But honestly, you should just focus on something fun for you to meet people(you never know who youll meet) you could try a book club, a cooking class, etc.

MinnesotaMomma91

@Tig594 and @lovelyritametermaid the best way to go about dating is to avoid bars(the guys you meet in bars are usually undateable). Id say to join a group where you can just meet people or see if a friend/family member/coworker knows someone.

Also dating doesnt HAVE to be complicated it can be a lot of fun. Hope that helps

20thirteen

I was on POF for a little while.  The only people who contacted me were horny "military" men (who's rank and uniform never matched), guys that were closer to my dad's age (mid- to late-60's), and one girl.  Oh, and some guy that I went to high school with.  I went onto chemistry.com once but then decided that I really didn't want to be on there, either. LOL

I met my BF at IHOP. Seriously.  This was back when hanging out at IHOP was, like, the thing to do.  I do agree with Minnesota, find a club or class to go to. I mean, as long as you can find a reliable babysitter or if, once or twice, they let you bring your DD.

tig594

Yeah, the guys on POF all seem to want your bra size and oodles of additional pictures of you.  Nasty creepers. 

jellybean529

I tried POF, Match.com and OKCupid. All three suck. Nasty creepy dudes. My sister met her current boyfriend on OKCupid though and he's a pretty cool guy.

I haven't dated for 13 years and I have no idea how to go about it. I think for now I'll just be patient because I'm really not ready yet anyway. I'd really rather meet someone through a common interest group than online anyway.

tig594

What?  No farmersonly.com??

)

starrdiva211

You know one of the reasons I tried so hard to make it work with ex-fiancé is because I did not want to start dating again! From my mouth to the heaven’s ears, I said he would be the last guy I would have to date because I would be married to him… Well we see how that worked out :- /<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

I did meet the ex-fiancé’ on blackpeoplemeet.com and have tried some of the others as well before he and I got together. My experience has been mixed but I believe it is the same way whether you meet online or in a lounge/bar or the cereal isle of Wal-Mart (yea I met a guy there once…).

 

The guy who is crushing on me was a student at the career college I work at (he did graduate).  I did know he liked me when he attended here but no fraternizing with students and he was going through a divorce himself. He moved away and came back and saw I was engaged and pregnant. Ticked him off and he didn’t speak to me for awhile when he came up to the school (his job had workshops here sometimes). But all of a sudden he start “pursuing” me again  and I ignored it b/c of working it out with the ex but he still let it be known he was interested… and seems like he still is *shrug* I mean I do like him and did like him when the ex and I were together but I am trying not to like him.

 

This other guy who I met seven years ago, I actually met him off of (and don’t flame me too bad) Craigslist. My homegirl told me about the personals and I gave it a try. He is actually a good guy it is just for whatever reason we were always at different points in our lives and could never really make a relationship. I am trying to give it another go with him but sometimes he just doesn’t seem to get it.

 

I had one of my BFFs tell me “Oh the dating game isn’t so bad”… Easy for her to say, she has been married for 15 years. LOL

 

freeatlast2014

@starrdiva211 why won't you go out with the graduate???? I think you tyly should especially if Craigslist isn't getting it!!

starrdiva211

freeatlast2014 said:

@starrdiva211 why won't you go out with the graduate???? I think you tyly should especially if Craigslist isn't getting it!!

I am working my way up to that point. In the past we have "bumped" into each other at resturants for lunch but since he found a new job and works 10-12 hours days, that hasnt happened lately. But we do talk on the phone often (which surprises me) and he does be sure to come "bother" me when he comes by the school.

Helenahhandbasket

I actually met STBXH on eharmony 9 years ago.  I don't know if it was different back then, but I didn't find that site nasty or sleazy at all.  A lot of my friends have met their significant others/ spouses online, but I am not quite ready to dip my toe back in that pool just yet.  Maybe eventually I will.

I have been on a few dates with someone recently- it's very casual- but we are old friends and we started chatting again thru facebook.

Hang in there and good luck!

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septmom11

I have not done any online dating.  I have dated a few guys since DD has been born but nothing serious until now.  it was mostly just friends of friends and wed go out to bar ect. ( not ideal when you have a child) but I didn't want to bring a parade of men around dd.

my current BF and I were friends before and he actually had met DD a few times before we started dating.  we are pretty serious so I embrace him having a relationship with DD.  by "dating" we mostly stay in and watch movies, eat takeout while dd sleeps lol

I do agree with becca that if it feels overwhelming or you feel theres no time then you are not ready to date.  I had a few disasters because I pushed myself to date the wrong people when I clearly was not ready.

Bnnt5

I had actually decided to try the whole online dating thing while my exbf and I were in the whole breaking up/getting back together process. I started seeing this really great guy from match.com and things were going really well until I found out I was pregnant with this baby....so yeah, that kind of threw a wrench in the whole process. Long story short, we're still together 4 months later and he is on board with my baby situation. Crazy story, but match.com is what worked for us.

MinnesotaMomma91

@bnnt5 haha a couple of us regs started seeing our partners while pregnant

Bnnt5

That makes me feel so much better!!! All of my friends (and his) thought we were crazy to try to make this work!

MinnesotaMomma91

@20thirteen‌ and i both staryrd dating our respective partners while pregnant and both relationships are going strong

20thirteen

Some people thought me and my BF were crazy, too.

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freeatlast2014

Ok I've decided to out an ad on match. I am dating this guy who lives far but I realize I'm feeling jealous and depending on him to make me feel good so I think I need to make some distance and date around. Then I won't notice what he is and isn't doing cause I will be busy myself. Good or bad idea?

I'm not meant to be single. It's not in my DNA. I'm not strong or independent enough.

20thirteen

freeatlast2014 said:

I'm not meant to be single. It's not in my DNA. I'm not strong or independent enough.

20thirteen

I believe that applies to this situation.  When you start telling yourself that you can't, you build a wall that prevents you from your full potential. You ARE strong and you CAN BE independent. If I can learn to be independent, anyone can.

MinnesotaMomma91

@Freeaast2014 what @20thirteen said. You CAN do it! Its okay to date around dont worry about that. But every woman is capable of being strong, and independant.

For the record, i believe you can be strong and independant while being in a relationship

Bnnt5

I couldn't agree more! It's absolutely okay to date around. It helps with maintaining a bit of distance as well as help you learn what you need and actually want in a relationship.

As an update, the guy I've been seeing seriously and I spoke seriously about the baby this weekend - apparently he announced to his family that he really wants to adopt this baby. I'm eccstatic about it all but am pleasantly surprised that his family is 100% on board with it as well Happy Happy Happy over here!

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