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Washington Babies
Not sure how to feel (sorry kind of long)
DH and I are having the first grandbaby on both sides of the family. It was kind of a big deal and everyone is super excited and interested in how everything is going. Pretty much how it should be I guess when babies start entering the picture (DH and I are both oldest children)
My sister got married this past September. We found out we were expecting about 2 weeks before her wedding, but waited till afterwards to tell people. We didn't want to take any focus away from them on their big day.
Last week we had our U/S and found out we are having a little girl, the next day my sister announces she's 5 weeks pregnant. So basically right around my due date is when she will be finding out what she is having.
I'm really happy for her and I'm glad that my little one is going to have a cousin who's pretty much the same age, but I'm having a hard time getting really excited about this. It's horrible but I feel a little cheated. I talked to my mom today and she said that now she thinks my sister and I should have a joint baby shower because it's asking too much to have the family come to two showers in a short time. We were planning on having the shower after the baby is born since we live out of state, it will be a good chance for everyone to meet her. Now, I'll have a newborn there and my sister will have about 3 1/2 months left to go. The girls at work are throwing me a Seattle shower, but even that is a joint shower because one of the girls is getting married in March. Am I being selfish and stupid because I want my little girl to have a celebration that's just for her?
Sorry this was so long, i think I just needed to vent a bit.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Not sure how to feel (sorry kind of long)
I would be upset by this as well, so dont feel selfish or stupid! I think I would feel kind of like I was being thunder-jacked...
I think you should have your own shower for your own baby! I'm also sure your sister probably isn't too thrilled about having to share her first baby shower with you either (just a guess?)
I'm sorry this kind of sucks for you... but in the long run it will be pretty cool for you and your sister to be going through the same things right around the same time, especially as your little ones get bigger!
I think it's fair to have your own showers. It woudl make no sense for her shower to be when she's only 3 or 4 months pregnant. Who would be throwing yoru shower anyway? Friends? or your mom?
But I don't know why you'd feel upset that your baby will be born around when your sister will find out the sex of her baby. That really is not going to take away from your experience.
My sister was going to be throwing the shower, but now I think my mom is, she doesn't want ask people to come to two showers in two months (my sister will be about 6 months along then)
I know that her finding out the sex of the baby wont affect my experience it just all seemed to kind of snowball.
I totally understand where you are coming from-all of it! My sister found out she was pregnant a few days before my wedding, had her baby right around the time I found out the sex of my baby, and then again announces she is pregnant with her second one a few days prior to my baby shower. I felt cheated because she got so much more attention when I felt my wedding and baby were just as important.
I think you are completely justified for wanting a shower for your daughter. She deserves it, you deserve it. I don't think it is selfish at all. It's not like it's two weeks apart, it's two months. That seems like enough time in between to me. I hope it works out for you!
talk to your sister and see what she thinks. I'm sure she wants her own shower too.
Maybe you should just have a shower before your baby is born, so they are more spaced out.
How far away do people have to travel to get to these showers? All of my family is out of town, and only my mother flew in for my shower. I woudlnt' expect people to travel very far for a shower really... and if it's just an hour drive or something, they can come twice in 2 or 3 months - I wouldnt' think that's a big deal at all.
If your sister throws your shower and you throw hers, then your mom wont' have the stress of throwing two of them.
I don't think you're being selfish, just self-centered. I understand the need to want your own baby shower and I don't think you should have to share one with your sister just because your mom thinks it would be easier.
But you need to get over your resentment of your sister stealing your thunder. Have some perspective. In a year when you have your darling daughter in your arms, whether or not you had your own baby shower or that your sister's news may end up being more exciting that yours is really going to be insignificant.
Be happy that you are having a healthy baby, that your DD will have a cousin close in age to her, that you have friends and family that love you and will love your baby.?
Now get over it and enjoy the rest of your weekend.?
Thanks ladies. Now that I've had a day to reflect on it, I definitely think I overreacted. It's not that everyone else has to travel for the shower, it's that I do (over 8 hours with a newborn) I think what really excited my mom about the idea was that I would get to be there for my sisters shower as well as mine but not have to make two trips. I am happy for my sister, and I'm very excited for my DD to get to grow up with her cousin. All in all things look much brighter today, maybe I got an extra dose of hormones or something yesterday
Thanks again and sorry for the vent.
If it's only you that has to travel, then do your shower when you are 7 months pregnant, and your sister's when she is 7 months pregnant. Then you only have to make one trip with the baby.
I think you really want to do the shower before the baby comes. You'll get a lot of stuff you'll want/need when the baby arrives. Then you'll also have time to return/exchange things, get clothes washed and put away, etc. Rather than trying to do all of that while you're totally sleep deprived. I think you'll enjoy your shower more without the baby.
I agree with everything Jill said here. There is something else that I *really* want to say here in response to what another nestie wrote but in the interest of keeping the board drama free I am going to keep my mouth shut...
Even I can understand why you'd be upset. I dont have any sisters and am having the first grandchild on my side. But I can imagine that if my baby shower was going to be a 2-for-1 I'd be pretty upset. And I imagine whats making it worse is that you were thoughtful enough to not announce your big news of being pregnant because you didnt want to take away from your sisters wedding. The fact that you were so considerate with that and now you feel like your getting cheated probably makes it a bit worse. I'd talk to your mom about it. I dont see why going to 2 showers in a short period of time would be that big of a deal, they have to buy 2 presents any way. And if they really want to celebrate both yours and your sisters babies they'll be happy to show up for both showers. Besides I wouldnt want someone at my shower if they thought that it would be an inconvience just because they had one to go to a couple months before.
It's hard to share the limelight, I totally understand that aspect of your frustrations. My sister and I have daughters that are 10w apart, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Everything you do/have will be special... I promise. I'd make sure to have your own shower, especially for your first baby. I'm sure your sister will feel the same way.
On the flip side, it's really cool having someone close having a baby a few weeks/months behind you - you can help her out with advice and expectations from your experience. It always makes me feel like a better mom being able to help other people out with their baby dilemmas.
Hang in there!
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