Marriage is hard. Rant-long.

GalLaura

I'm having a hard time being married at the moment. I haven't told anyone this because if I do, they will all want me to come home.

The problem is I want to come home. I feel trapped here in Australia. My dh and I haven't been getting along and just had a big fight at his grandmothers house of all places. I'm so incredibly home sick. We argue a lot because he feels I'm not doing my share. I think i am and that he has a delusion of a 1950s house wife.

I've had that feeling recently like I never should have come here. Now we have a baby. I said I wanted to go back to America today and he said I told you I wanted my family here. You knew what you got yourself into. I replied that I was always honest too and said I would try it here. I'm not the type of person to do anything adventurous. How did I get here? I married much later in life, was swept off my feet... I miss my life in America. I'm sorry to rant. I feel so alone at the moment. How did i get here?

HelgaFunk

I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say but I think this is a good place to sound off, get some good advice, and lots of support. Hope everything works out for you.

musicalsilver

That's a tough situation. Any chance you can swing a visit home?

It sounds like you and YH need to sit down and talk about things like expectations about cooking/chores/etc.

Beyond that, definitely feel free to come vent here!

cynthia2007

Marriage is hard! All about communication and compromise. And with a baby its more stressful. Living away from family is hard, we have no family close by either so i understand. Can they come and visit or you go visit them? Not the same as having them daily but helps to get some family time every few months if possible.

This is a great board of ladies who always listen, offer good advice and are just here to support.

LBeez13

Marriage can be tough. Echoing what everyone else said I think it is even harder when you have a child. It almost tests your relationship. I ant imagine Feeling alone and being so far from home. You are so strong for handling that for as long as you have already.

nikel13

I know how you feel, but I'm not in a different country. All of my family live in another state. I want to be near then so badly because I want help. I will say that with chores and such, expectations are the death of a relationship. Since I've started going to therapy, H and I have been able to communicate more and it has been helpful. Try to communicate with YH and map out a division of chores that will be fair to all.

[Deleted User]

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No longer the best

Oh sweetie! I am so sorry! Please do get some therapy and really think about what YOU want. One of the reasons I went back to work was because I knew my husband would have unrealistic household expectations of me and it would be an ongoing source of bickering and negativity. I did make it clear that if I went back to work I expected him to step it up and share the duties.  

Good luck. I am thinking of you! 

Faith7

Go ahead and rant all you want.  Seems like you need to hear yourself think.  Do you have someone you can talk to who cares and will listen without taking sides?

Marriage is tough.  Being homesick is also really tough.  It's horrible to feel like you can't escape from a place you don't like, to feel oceans and oceans between you and ones you love.  Sometimes it helps to write about things like that; other times it's better not to open the floodgates.

People have given you some good advice about marriage.  I don't have any more to add without knowing more about the specifics.  A few thoughts about homesickness, though.  If you're ever going to feel at home in a place, if you're ever going to love it, you have to do it on your own terms. You can't just love it because someone else does. (Places are a little like people that way.)  You have to discover it for yourself; you have to find the things about the place that speak to you.  I guarantee you that there is something  about where you live that you can appreciate.  Maybe even love.  A little cafe or store, a tree against the sky, the way a road or trail or path hugs a certain curve, a particular bird call or insect song...  I don't know what it will be for you.  But you'll never find it as long as you are hating it because it isn't some place else.  Or as long as you connect the place itself with the things you don't like about your marriage.