Now what ??

Esthi

Girls please help me out on this one. I have a cleaning help who comes in twice a week and does a fantastic job and I really need her help. I always offer her drinks and food, but she refuses. Now yesterday, as I was about to enter the kitchen ( she did not realise I was there ) I saw how she drank out of the coke bottle(not using a cup ) and after that she went over to the pot , put her fingers inside and ate from the meat. I would happily give her food on a plate and drink in a cup .... But this really puts me off !! It's not hygienic and I don't want to "share" a bottle with her. Now ,if I confront her about that,I am pretty sure she will be offended and not come back to me .On the other hand I was on good terms with her so far. As I said I really need her help . Should I tell her that I do not appreciate what she did .. Or just leave it at that ? maybe I am overreacting ? Tell me what you think .

SandFHasse

I would tell her that her actions weren't appreciated. I think its gross. I'm weird when it comes to germs and people touching my food.

peanutmuse

Totally inappropriate. How can you not address it?

cnctf

Oh I would definitely ask her about it. I would of said "oh did you need a cup?" or "I'll get you a plate for that". 

peanutmuse

cnctf said:

Oh I would definitely ask her about it. I would of said "oh did you need a cup?" or "I'll get you a plate for that". 

Yes, I would have let my presence be known. Because now it will be kind of weird & creepy that you didn't say anything when you saw it.

amt0312

Next time you offer her a cup and she refuses, just casually say, "Well, as long as I don't catch you drinking out of the coke bottle, haha!" She'll know she was caught and then probably accept your food and drinks....I hope...

peanutmuse

amt0312 said:

Next time you offer her a cup and she refuses, just casually say, "Well, as long as I don't catch you drinking out of the coke bottle, haha!" She'll know she was caught and then probably accept your food and drinks....I hope...

Ugh, I hate passive aggression. Rather than saying this^, it would be better to say something like, "if you change your mind, I would prefer if you use a cup rather than drink out of the bottle directly." It addresses the issue without the joking/sarcastic/passive aggressive behavior.

sehudson821

That's gross. You should definitely address it. I hate situations like that, but I agree with @peanutmuse‌ that you should just be direct. Being passive will only make things more uncomfortable down the road.

Esthi

peanutmuse said:

cnctf said:

Oh I would definitely ask her about it. I would of said "oh did you need a cup?" or "I'll get you a plate for that". 

Yes, I would have let my presence be known. Because now it will be kind of weird & creepy that you didn't say anything when you saw it.

Yeah you are absolutely right . But as I was standing there I was so stunned by what i was seeing , I did not know how to react.

Esthi

SandFHasse said:

I would tell her that her actions weren't appreciated. I think its gross. I'm weird when it comes to germs and people touching my food.

Dito.. But I have become even more like that since I have kids . And specially strangers touching DD, I can't stand it !!(I know we have discussed that one plenty times before)

cnctf

Esthi said:

cnctf said:

Oh I would definitely ask her about it. I would of said "oh did you need a cup?" or "I'll get you a plate for that". 

Yes, I would have let my presence be known. Because now it will be kind of weird & creepy that you didn't say anything when you saw it.

Yeah you are absolutely right . But as I was standing there I was so stunned by what i was seeing , I did not know how to react.

I know what you mean. Caught you completely off guard. Keep us posted on how it goes. 

Esthi

tarajeannette said:

Can you get someone different? I think that behavior is disrespectful and likely wouldn't end there.

Of course I can . It's just she has been with me for years . She knows me
And my family quite well. I got
So used to her . she is quick she knows how i like it . And now this ... I feel a bit betrayed by her in a way. I don't drink out of the bottle and I wash my hands before I handle food ...

Esthi

tarajeannette said:

Esthi said:

tarajeannette said:

Can you get someone different? I think that behavior is disrespectful and likely wouldn't end there.

Of course I can . It's just she has been with me for years . She knows me
And my family quite well. I got
So used to her . she is quick she knows how i like it . And now this ... I feel a bit betrayed by her in a way. I don't drink out of the bottle and I wash my hands before I handle food ...

Well if you've had her for years, I can see that you'd want to salvage the situation. Maybe she's gotten too comfortable. Way too comfortable. I think peanut's approach is a good way to address it.

To be honest , this situation got me pretty confused. Now I see that most of you say not to tolerate what had happened. Well I needed to hear that from fellow mums and housewifes. (DH does not really get involved in this story , he thinks that this is up to me to decide ) I am gonna "sleep over it" and will make a final decision . She would only be due to come back after the weekend. Obviously the very best would have been to address it immediately, which I did not do . Well that's to late now anyway. Those answers are really helping me a great deal . Will keep you posted ..... Thanks ladies

cnctf

It seems like you're kinda on the fence about confronting her..I  think if you dont want to flat out be like "heres a plate/cup" you should sit down and talk to her since shes been with you folks for a long time. Something down the lines of "hey look, I am really satisfied with your work and what you do here. You've been with us for years now and its like you're family, but the other day I saw you (insert drinking and eating spiel) and was kinda shocked and taken back by that. I would appreciate it if that did stop for sanitary purposes. If she doesnt respect that, then out she goes. 

mommygrams0730

I keep wondering what else she's been eating/drinking without you knowing...

SandFHasse

mommy grams said:

I keep wondering what else she's been eating/drinking without you knowing...

I keep wondering the same thing...

peanutmuse

Everyone must be bored or something. I am genuinely surprised at the amount of discussion this topic received, ha.

SarahA918

Geez let her go! I'll come help you clean if you really need the help. How can you ever eat or drink anything in your house again after she's there? All I could think about as I poured a drink would be her lips wrapped around the bottle!! I'm so skeeved out!

Esthi

SarahA918 said:

Geez let her go! I'll come help you clean if you really need the help. How can you ever eat or drink anything in your house again after she's there? All I could think about as I poured a drink would be her lips wrapped around the bottle!! I'm so skeeved out!

Yeah i cant look at the ( closed )coke bottles anymore . Thank goodness the meat was the only cooked food around . The rest is stuff like uncooked rice or closed packets anyway . Probably that's it.... Gonna fire her. All my trust is gone

BABYROSEJEANS17

Not to sound snarky but I just really don't understand what the dilemma is. It's your house and if you don't like what you see by people who don't live there than why walk on eggshells? It's a pretty open shut case.

Esthi

BABYROSEJEANS17 said:

Not to sound snarky but I just really don't understand what the dilemma is. It's your house and if you don't like what you see by people who don't live there than why walk on eggshells? It's a pretty open shut case.

It's because as I said , I got a bit emotionally involved. And that's why I was really interested in hearing people's opinion about it. People who are not emotionally involved in this story and can think straighter than me. She was with us for a long time . She did a fantastic job around the house. My DD is quite a demanding baby. So any extra help around the house , makes it easier . I thought we had a nice relationship ... And booooom everything falls apart . True she worked for me and I paid her. But I also respected her as a person and maybe little bit as a friend . But I made up my mind now, not to let her work for me anymore. Ha ha I also can't believe what a long discussion this turns out to be .

peanutmuse

Esthi said:

Not to sound snarky but I just really don't understand what the dilemma is. It's your house and if you don't like what you see by people who don't live there than why walk on eggshells? It's a pretty open shut case.

It's because as I said , I got a bit emotionally involved. And that's why I was really interested in hearing people's opinion about it. People who are not emotionally involved in this story and can think straighter than me. She was with us for a long time . She did a fantastic job around the house. My DD is quite a demanding baby. So any extra help around the house , makes it easier . I thought we had a nice relationship ... And booooom everything falls apart . True she worked for me and I paid her. But I also respected her as a person and maybe little bit as a friend . But I made up my mind now, not to let her work for me anymore. Ha ha I also can't believe what a long discussion this turns out to be .

Did you at least tell her why you are firing her? If so, how did that conversation go? (I mean, how did you end up bringing it up?)

ETA: @esthi

Esthi

Yep ! I believe in being honest . Told her I saw what happened but did not manage to say something on the spot. She was about to deny , but she realised that she Was just making a joke of her self. she did not apologise. I stayed very calm and controlled and paid her till the end of this month. To be honest I was very nervous about this confrontation .. But it had to be, Especially after my 14 year old told me that she had also seen her drinking out of a bottle before. All in all it went ok . She knows she is in trouble since she works for other people I know . And so far that's the end of this exciting story !

Esthi

O I forgot to mention that she comes past every second weekend just so that we can pay her. For now that was really convenient . Meaning I got to see her without her staying on to work.