Friendly advice, BFP mentioned (long)

kcwnc

One of my closest friends (and co-worker) has been TTC for about a year now. She has two biological daughters and a step-son and stopped preventing for a few months last summer. Over the last 8 months it turned into full on charting, trying, testing and disappointment. She’s gone back and forth several times during this year whether they truly want to add to their family as they have some big bumps in their relationship over the last year and a few big issues with their children. Since my H and I talked about TTC later this summer we previously joked about our future kids growing up together and being there for each other through our pregnancies. A couple weeks ago I realize I’m late, a few days later feeling off I look at the app where I track my periods and realize I’m more than a week late. Test and BFP!!! There was only one time we weren’t being as careful as we should have so I’m pretty shocked, excited but still in shock! Not wanting to share with people so early we planned to keep it to ourselves but after some not so awesome feeling days I decide to tell my friend who I thought was picking up on my lack of enthusiasm and queasiness. Her response, “I hate you.” She tried to laugh it off but it really stung. Since then I’ve tried to keep pregnancy talk to a minimum, I’m trying to make a conscious effort not to bring it up but it’s hard because we haven’t told anyone else and she was so supportive while I was pregnant with DS. Today she seemed off and when I asked her if she was ok she said that she was tired and had put a call into the doctor to have further testing done about why they haven’t been able to conceive. I offered her words of support, was positive and again mentioned that I would try to keep pregnancy chatter to a minimum.  No response from her. I really don’t want to offend or upset her. How do I keep our relationship intact without hurting her feelings?

smg2302

Congrats!  I'm sorry you aren't able to talk with your friend about it, but it sounds like she has things she needs to work through on her own.

aintnoyuppiemom

This is never a fun situation ( I lost a friend after mentioning I was pregnant with DS) I hope you have a H&H 9 and that your friend will go back to being your supportive friend again.

kcwnc

Thanks Ladies! I hope giving her some space is what she needs. I want to be sensitive to how she's feeling and what she may find out about why they haven't been able to conceive but don't want her to feel like I'm pushing her away either. Luckily we work together so she can't avoid me entirely
I thought I would feel so self assured this time around after my last pregnancy and not need to talk it out but we found out really early and it has me on pins and needles some days. I forgot what this was like. I've checked out the Feb 15 board but I'm hesitant to open up to new people. Especially since we don't have an appt with my midwife until I'm 12 weeks. Thanks for the advice and letting me vent a little.

smg2302

There are a few of us May mommas on the Feb 15 board.  Feel free to PM if you wanna chat about anything. 

caden1206

Congrats

ordinary1

The Feb 15 board isn't bad. Typical first tri threads, but overall seems friendly. Congrats on the BFP!

CNJ4EVA

Congratulations!

Unfortunately, misdirecting hurt and anger is often the response in these situations, however inappropriate and unfair it may be. I don't think there's anything more you can do that you aren't already doing. I hope she comes around!

pnutg

It's a hard situation. I've been on the other side of it so I'm sure she's suffering. I would never mention baby or pregnancies unless she directs the conversation.

HZ2012

Congrats!! H &H 9 months to you!

I've been in your friends shoes. It hurts. Although when it seemed like EVERYONE and their mother was getting pregnant while I couldn't conceive, I did put on my happy face and was supportive. After the initial sting, I seemed to get over it. Hopefully she will come around so it doesn't cause a strain on your relationship. Until she (hopefully) does, like everyone else suggested, just keep the baby talk to a minimum.

c-elizabethf

Congrats! And the same as previous posters whose advice was great!

bumpuser3155624

Previous poster said it all. Congrats!

TundraGirl

Congratulations!

cafecreme

Congratulations! I am in the same situation as you with a friend. My DH's BF and his wife have been trying for over the last 1.5 years. When she heard about my pregnancy, she got really cold, and at one point a month or two after I had DD, blocked me on FB, and didn't speak to each other for a few months. Needless to say, our relationship hasn't been the same, and it's pretty non existent right now. I feel bad, and I want a relationship with her, it's just that SHE doesn't want it. 

I would just take a step back, and let her come to you if she wants to talk/seek advice. I wouldn't bring up your pregnancy because it's obviously a sore spot. Don't keep telling her that you'll keep the pregnancy talk to a minimum- because right there your talking about it. You don't want to shove it in her face, and then make her feel sad/bad about it.