Planning a Baby, Dealing with Stereotypes, and Looking for Support From Others

CaravanaR

My husband and I have decided that we want to try for a baby. We want to start trying at the end of September when we have everything on our list of preparations together. Only thing that I've found that people really judge is that we are 20 about to be 21, but I'm not asking to see if I'm too young. I know I am responsible enough my age doesn't automatically make me a party person or a hot mess. We do not party and have no desire to we've both had our past experiences and learned from a young age that we didn't want that for our lives. We pay all our own bills, live on our own, both have good jobs, and even after the baby is born and I can't work for awhile we will have enough money. My husband will be out of college soon and has several options for a career job and the job he has now is basic, but makes very good money. With how his schedule is set up with work and school he will also have plenty of time at home. I know this all won't go as perfectly as I just laid out, but I am ready for the responsibility that comes with having a baby. We've thought this over for a long while, planned what we needed to do before we start trying, looked at finances, and still feel comfortable with our decision together as a married couple. What I'm looking for is support from others my age that made this decision. It is hard to be judged for wanting children at this age when you're stereotyped into being irresponsible and incapable, this is not me or my husband. 

prinsesslolli

I'm not sure if you have read any other boards, but you seem to already know that there can be some nasty responses sometimes!  Try not to let it get to you.  

I'm 30 and will be TTC my first in the next few months.  Judging by the way you phrased your question, you are probably expecting lots of people to tell you to wait.  All I can offer is some advice that I hope you find helpful.  You will be a completely different person 5 years from now.  Your life and outlook will change immensely in your early twenties-- regardless of whether you drink or party or not (although that sometimes is a small factor).  I will also say that when you look at your financial future, it usually looks better than it turns our to be!  Ha!  I have just started a new job myself, and that was definitely part of the plan for TTC.  We waited until I got the job and knew for sure what our schedule/finances/life would really be like.  I have been fairly certain for about a year that the job was mine, but it would have been extremely nerve racking to be pregnant and not know for sure-- or to have that job fall through.  Finally I will say something that I'm sure you have heard, but is worth repeating:  You have all the time in the world!  Whatever you decide, make sure to continue to build your relationship with your husband!  I can't tell you to wait, and you seem like you will be a super mom.  Just remember that being married is super hard at times-- and that goes for all of us!  Being a parent is even harder!  Enjoy the time that you have before it gets really tough and sleep deprived. :-)  You will probably never say "I wish we had had children sooner!" But you don't want to find yourself a few years from now saying "I wish we would have given ourselves a little bit more time."  Best wishes!  

PB&J714

I'm fairly close in age to you (I'm 24, DH is 25) and even still at our age we have friends who are shocked that we're ready to try so soon (we're waiting until April to TTC). I honestly don't care whether or not they are ready because we have laid out a plan that is right for us. It is a little disappointing that we will be going through this big life change without some of our closest friends going through the same thing but it doesn't bother us enough to change our minds.

It sounds like you and your DH have looked into everything thoroughly and are obviously not taking this decision lightly. Keep your head up and do what you and your DH have planned to do. You'll be able to prove people wrong. I totally understand being a young adult who doesn't party ALL the time. Good luck, OP!

Saratiff

Good Luck with everything...I have been with my husband since I was 20 and He was 21 and now we are 27 and 28 with my birthday coming up. All I can say is that we are not the same people we were when we started dating. Not in a bad way, we are just different and we were not the go out and party people either. For us that has been an amazing journey but it would have been a lot different if we had had children. 

With that said, My best friend forever got pregnant with her son when we were seniors and college. She had just turned 21. Her and her husband made it work. If you guys feel your ready then go for it. Everyone's situation is different.

For me personally I would just try and make sure that my fiances were truly set because financial issues are statistically the biggest problems in marriages and having children will make it worse. i.e. if you have student loans what is your monthly payment going to be, can it be consolidated and so on, how much is day care in your area if that is something you are going to utilize, and what is your rent or mortgage payment is a just a start. I had no idea when I was in school I would be paying 600$ a month for my student loans when I got out. Luckily my husband did not have any so we have been able to make a big dent, but it has made a difference for us for when we will have kids. 

Good Luck!

sandrabrooke

I won't judge and ir you want to its fine. But between 22 and 20 I've changed immensely. I am much more career focused now rather than family focused. I changed. We still want kids...but my outlook has changed.

lifeonthehill

Good Luck!

H is 25 and I am 22. I have been ready to have kids since the wedding but we are working to get our finances in order and to get half of my bachelors degree done before we start trying. We will be ready to start a family in spring 2016. It is going to be extremely hard to wait.

If you are really in a place where you can afford it then I say go for it. My biggest fear is really big money troubles because I know statistics say that people claim finances have the biggest hand in divorce. I would hate to have something like that happen.

orangecrush32

I'm not going to tell you to wait, but I will tell you a little of my story. At 23, I got pregnant with DD it was unplanned and a complete surprise. DH and I had been together 3 years already, but had spent most of it apart with me a couple hours away at college and then with my parents.

I love DD with all my heart and wouldn't trade her for the world, but I wish we had more time together before her. I would've liked to travel a bit and try out different jobs and buy a house. Right now we're saving towards a house, but we're still at least a year from buying and there's no travel plans in sight.

You have a lot of time to have a baby and just be sure that you're completely ready to give up certain things. I never realized how much I would miss peeing with the door shut haha.

Magnetra1

The thing is that when it comes to having kids the right time is different for everyone. Yes you will both change as people as life moves on but that will continue to happen through your entire life. I come from an area where everyone starts having kids before they are 21. I am 26 and we are just now starting to consider when we want to start ttc. I was ready when we were married but he wasn't. My only advice is to make sure that whenever you do start ttc to make sure to still take the time for each other. Don't make it feel like a job. If the two of you as a couple take the time to be there for each other then you can make it through any changes that you go through. Yes my DH and I have changed a lot in the 7 years that we have been together but we focused on changing in the same directions instead of apart. You can do it. 

annibes

I think you need to decide whether you're trying to convince others or convince yourself. To even ask this question of others says to me you feel like you need people to say, "go for it" to push you off the fence in the direction of getting started. When DH and I decided to TTC for the first time, we didn't consider anyone else's opinions on the matter- not in real life, not on message boards, not hypothetically.

I also agree with the PP who said that things rarely turn out exactly the way you expect them to, especially financially. That's not necessarily something that should keep you from starting a family, but definitely something to consider very seriously.

marathonmommy82

I think it's a bad idea to TTC while one of you is still in undergrad. Having "several options for a career job" is not the same as having said job (I went to law school at a time when everyone thought they'd make 120k as a first year associate... and now lawyer jobs are hard to come by).

what is your health insurance like?

We got married young - 23 and 25 - and waited until I was 28 to TTC. I'm not saying that's right for you but we did enjoy having time to ourselves.

FemShep

OP, this has nothing to do with your age, but I would suggest a reality check on some assumptions you're making.

First, the financial impact of having a kid is HUGE.  Do you have 6 months of expenses in an emergency account?  How's your health insurance?  Will it still be in place after your H graduates?  What will moving to a family plan do to the premiums?  Do you have life insurance?  What happens if your H can't get a job after graduation?  You wouldn't believe the number of new college grads here in the Boston area who are struggling with finding a full-time job, even with an in-demand major.  Have you budgeted for a kid?  If you're planning to work, have you priced child care?  We literally paid more for infant day care than our mortgage payment, and if you live in a major metropolitan area, the expense can be thousands of dollars a month.

I think you also need to reassess the amount of time raising a child takes.  I don't know anyone, ever, who has gone to school, worked, and had a kid, and thought they had "plenty of time".  Caring for an infant is a 24/7 commitment, and isn't something you can pause when you're sick, or you want to travel, or you even just want to see the latest movie that isn't targeted towards 5 year olds.  Especially in the first two years, there are very few breaks.  Odds are, you'll be sleeping sporadically at best in the first six months.  Some babies may nap well, others won't nap for more than 30 minutes at a time.  Try doing homework in 30 minute increments-not fun.

You also haven't mentioned your schooling, but I would strongly suggest you finish your degree before having a kid.  While college degrees are far from the guarantee of employment they used to be, college graduates on average make over a MILLION dollars more in lifetime income.  Do you really want to turn that down?  It will be far easier to complete your degree before you have kids.

MrsZ0811

The only "negative/discouragement' I will give is to wait until after graduation. I am a mom at 23, got married at 20 and am so happy. But I am also SO glad I waited until after graduation. I got KU only 3 months after grad because DH and I had decided that we wanted 3 things before baby. Me to be graduated (he was done before we got married) have a house and one of us needed a job with good insurance. Now that DD is here I have no idea how we would have done it if either of us was in school. Not because of finances or anything but because of the stress and sleep deprivation. It is hard on both of us but I wouldn't change it for the world.

I still have people that a very negative. You cannot let others dictate what you do, especially people who don't know you (internet strangers, people at church, strangers at the grocery store). I cant tell you how many people have told me that they are sorry for the predicament that I am in. They assume I am a young unmarried mother. You have to let that crap roll off you and do what is right/best for you and your family.

CallMeShoes

I will echo some of the others.  DH was 22 and I were 19 when we got together, 25 and 22 when we got engaged, and 27 and 24 when we got married.  We are now almost 29 and 26, and we still think TTC is at least 6 months, or a year, away.

DH and I both went to a very good school, both double majored, both graduated with honors, and both worked full time jobs during undergrad that would set us up well for the future.  I am multilingual, have strong computer skills on a variety of platforms, and interview well.  Let me tell you what I learned.  The job market is ROUGH.  Finding a job, much less a job that pays a good salary, is incredibly difficult.  There are usually several hundred applicants for each job. One of my girlfriends actually has a law degree from a Top 20 law school and searched for TWO YEARS to find a PART TIME job as a lawyer.  Another buddy of mine has a Bachelor's Degree in Economics and International Relations from my alma mater.  Graduated summa cum laude.  Went on to get an MBA from a Top 20 MBA program.  He's got the debt from all of that schooling, and he can't find a job...2 years after he finished that MBA program.  He's working a part time job for $20 per hour.  Another friend of mine has a Masters in Engineering, and she works as an engineer, full time.  She only makes around $42,000.  As an ENGINEER.

If you are one of the FEW incredibly lucky people to have a job after you graduate, it likely won't be smooth sailing at work.  Employers these days expect more work, longer hours, etc. for less pay.  Benefits and vacation time are not what they once were.  Health insurance is a FORTUNE.

My point is, it's a good idea to get settled into a career BEFORE having a baby.  Babies are expensive, and the bills need to get paid whether you have your shit together or not.  Just my .02.

greeneyed_bride

DH and I started dating when I was 21 and he was 23, and we got married at 24 and 26. Our plan was always to wait at least five years before having kids. Not because of money, careers or maturity, but because we just wanted to have that time to ourselves. I am SO glad we made that decision. DS was born when we'd been married for over five years, and he is a wonderful part of our lives (and we're expecting baby #2 in September,) but we have never for a minute thought "if only we'd had kids sooner." We're both glad that we spent the first five years of our marriage able to just focus on the two of us before we became parents. I feel like our marriage is stronger because of that time, and it has helped us to be better parents. Obviously, you do what works for you, but it's important to realize that being able to cross things off a checklist (good jobs, financially stable, not a partier, good schedule, etc) doesn't mean that you should start parenting *right now* just because it looks good on paper. 

maybebaby3

I'm mid-30s, married for 16 years and both of my babies were unplanned at 19 & 23. Did I know what I was doing? No. Did we have everything in our lives straight and ready for a baby? Heck no! Did my kids make it through it? Absolutely! We didn't do anything perfect according to our peanut gallery but they've always had love even when there was nothing else we could give them. My advice is to really talk to your spouse and make sure you're both on the same page. If you do this and both think you're ready, go for it! You won't be the first early-20 somethings to have a baby!

joshandjulie08

You have my support! I was 20 when I got married and 21 with my 1st was born we had everything planned out perfectly. life happens so be prepared for that. this is one of the best places to find support! go get knocked up sweetie and good luck w your BFP!!!

urbancountrymommy

THIS!!!
~and yes with the snarkiness on some of these boards, but not all!!~

I know you probably don't want to hear "wait", I know I wouldn't. Especially with as smart, well-thought out and organized as you present yourself.

Being a mom might be the most epic adventure ever, and one that you want to start right away. That could totally be right for you! I am 28, just now TTC, and wish we had done more (travel, saved, etc.). Still, the time allowed us to iron out so many kinks in our new marriage (HS sweethearts through college, etc - you change a LOT through your 20's). In the end, as long as you're committed to each other, it will work itself out for the best! I do believe that! GL!

prinsesslolli said:

I'm not sure if you have read any other boards, but you seem to already know that there can be some nasty responses sometimes!  Try not to let it get to you.  

I'm 30 and will be TTC my first in the next few months.  Judging by the way you phrased your question, you are probably expecting lots of people to tell you to wait.  All I can offer is some advice that I hope you find helpful.  You will be a completely different person 5 years from now.  Your life and outlook will change immensely in your early twenties-- regardless of whether you drink or party or not (although that sometimes is a small factor).  I will also say that when you look at your financial future, it usually looks better than it turns our to be!  Ha!  I have just started a new job myself, and that was definitely part of the plan for TTC.  We waited until I got the job and knew for sure what our schedule/finances/life would really be like.  I have been fairly certain for about a year that the job was mine, but it would have been extremely nerve racking to be pregnant and not know for sure-- or to have that job fall through.  Finally I will say something that I'm sure you have heard, but is worth repeating:  You have all the time in the world!  Whatever you decide, make sure to continue to build your relationship with your husband!  I can't tell you to wait, and you seem like you will be a super mom.  Just remember that being married is super hard at times-- and that goes for all of us!  Being a parent is even harder!  Enjoy the time that you have before it gets really tough and sleep deprived. :-)  You will probably never say "I wish we had had children sooner!" But you don't want to find yourself a few years from now saying "I wish we would have given ourselves a little bit more time."  Best wishes!  

Tara0604

My suggestions are: 

-to make sure you have good health insurance/coverage that you can afford with a baby because things happen (we never thought our baby would be 4 weeks early and end up in the NICU, i also had to stay in the hospital an extra day)

-travel to every place you want to go before you start TTC (once baby comes, you will no longer have a lot of money to travel to all of those places. My husband and I are incredibly happy we traveled first because we have been homebound since.)

-make sure you know exactly what you will be paying for your student loan payments (they don't just go away, even when you are a SAHM)

-make sure you can afford childcare and you have a backup plan if the baby comes early and you have to return to work. Like i said, my son was 4 weeks early and I had to return to work, but couldn't send him to daycare 4 weeks early so we scrambled to find people to care for the baby during those weeks. (daycare in our area is $2000 a month for full time)

-people have opinions about everything, make sure your husband and you are on the same page about (almost) everything and you have a plan for dealing with family. My husband and I agreed that i would deal with my family and he would deal with his when they cross the line (which has happened quite a few times in the past year).

I'm gonna stop there, but please thoroughly think this through before you do this. Unexpected things happen and you need to be prepared. There is no going back

Good luck with whatever you decide.

tiggapoo12

We had our son when I had just turned 22 so I know what you mean. I am 23 now and we are thinking about trying for a second baby. We still get the wait until the baby is 3 or 4 or wait until your older. After a while I realized that not everyone will be happy for you so in the end do what you and your hubby want to do. If you think you are ready then go for it

DawnLilly

It doesn't matter how prepared you think you are or how much you can convince others of that. One of the major things I learned becoming a mom is that your ability to prepare means very little compared to your ability to adapt.

I was married at 21 and had DS at 23. I had a career. Then, management switched while I was on maternity leave. I still had a job when I returned but there is no law against being moved to a different position. It also took me 25 min 3 times a day to pump and the new manager was a wench about it. I finally found a new position with a different company 8 months later but I had to take a pay cut.

Whatever you choose it will work out okay. I can't imagine have doing anything different. There is no harm in waiting though either. You can never go back to not having little ones. Good luck on your journey. PM me if you have any other questions or need any one on one support.

DawnLilly

WhoCanItBeNow said:

DawnLilly said:

It doesn't matter how prepared you think you are or how much you can convince others of that. One of the major things I learned becoming a mom is that your ability to prepare means very little compared to your ability to adapt.

I was married at 21 and had DS at 23. I had a career. Then, management switched while I was on maternity leave. I still had a job when I returned but there is no law against being moved to a different position. It also took me 25 min 3 times a day to pump and the new manager was a wench about it. I finally found a new position with a different company 8 months later but I had to take a pay cut.

Whatever you choose it will work out okay. I can't imagine have doing anything different. There is no harm in waiting though either. You can never go back to not having little ones. Good luck on your journey. PM me if you have any other questions or need any one on one support.

I'm sure everyone on welfare would disagree with you. Many, many, many times it does not work out. 

There are many that can't find another job because they are unhappy with their current ones. There are many that take off to have a child to find out their position was eliminated while they were gone. There are many that have spouses that lose jobs. Sometimes having a baby costs a lot of money OOP. Many people have gone bankrupt because of it. How is that working out for them? 

It's fine to be encouraging, but don't throw out shit that you can't back. You have no idea if it will work out.

 

By that logic all of the "what ifs" would keep us all from having kids. They sound grounded and dedicated. Life altering events happen all the time that deviate us from our "plan" and anyone can end up needing assistance at any time. They could wait 10 years to TTC and she could have her career set and both her and her DH could lose their jobs randomly. What I meant was once she has a child, her child will become her plan.

pibsquared

I think it is ok to be positive but also realistic. Shit happens. You never know what is going to happen. Yes you try to plan when it is the best time but then you are always pushing it off because it never is a good time, but there is a better time.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/07/08/this-is-what-happened-when-i-drove-my-mercedes-to-pick-up-food-stamps/

I really wanted to start trying this summer, but it looks like my husband and I will be pushing off another year. Writing to finish PhD is taking longer than desire and I want to be at least 10lbs lighter/healthier than I am now, and with those two time consuming tasks and the stress of finishing, it is probably best to wait til next year. Of course you do get to a fuck it stage, and I am not quite there yet but getting close. I know that next year will be better time than this fall. Although you are so stress with finishing that you will most likely not get pregnant anyways. 

There are many people who have been giving great advice. I would make a list of stuff you want to do. I would look at your finances. Do the baby cost calculator. You actually have time to get ready and not in your 30s realizing you want kids. You can do it smart and prepare for it. You never know if you will have premies or a baby with health problems. It would also be good to start a college fund. Spend a couple years getting the emergency fund/baby fund together. I think it was one of those financial guys on the radio that suggests that you have 10k always in the bank, then you can progress to investments and etc. I am not you and don't know your situation, but being early 20s, I would try to get on the best footing as you can, you have the time, why not use it. Sure crap happens but at least you tried to be in the best situation you can within the time you have. 

myatala

pibsquared said:

I really wanted to start trying this summer, but it looks like my husband and I will be pushing off another year. Writing to finish PhD is taking longer than desire and I want to be at least 10lbs lighter/healthier than I am now, and with those two time consuming tasks and the stress of finishing, it is probably best to wait til next year. Of course you do get to a fuck it stage, and I am not quite there yet but getting close. I know that next year will be better time than this fall. Although you are so stress with finishing that you will most likely not get pregnant anyways.

High stress may not be great for one's overall health, but stress doesn't prevent pregnancy. Your statement is just the flip of telling people with trouble TTC that they just need to relax.

pibsquared

That's true, stress doesn't prevent pregnancy. But many people I talk to and what I have read online, it can decrease your chances. How much it decreases I do not know the numbers. Some say because I will not be stressed about trying but distracted by the stress of other stuff I might get pregnant. Really your body, your timing (and his!) all play a role. But the best thing is not to strain your body health-wise which high stress can do. Your body stops operating non-essential functions if there is malnutrition or certain amount of stress/strain on the body. But there are starving people who still get pregnant. Now what is the probability I do not know, how much it decreases from normal pregnancy probability, do not know, might only decrease by 1%, 10%... And what one body can handle doesn't necessarily apply to another. 

I do not mean to offend the people who are trying and it taking longer than desired. I know if I went a year (probably 6months) trying I would be stressed, emotional, upset and I would get frustrated with people telling me to calm down and just relax. Although it is a common thing to say. But I get frustrated with people asking when I will graduate? Oh well... I am just concerned mainly with the stress causing a miscarriage (which I know there are many reasons a miscarriage can happen but I would be the type that would blame myself for it), having morning sickness while in the throws of writing/defending. You can make it happen, just if I can try to have a better environment in which to be pregnant, I rather wait 6 months. We will see. H and I will re-discuss in a month when I am finish with my BC pack. 

pibsquared

Journal of Child Psychology and PsychiatryVolume 44, Issue 6, pages 810–818, September 2003

https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/stress-marks

https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51730&page=1

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com.prox.lib.ncsu.edu/doi/10.1016/j.jmwh.2008.08.001/full

https://www.sciencedirect.com.prox.lib.ncsu.edu/science/article/pii/S016503780900552X

https://www.karger.com.prox.lib.ncsu.edu/Article/Abstract/216539

"Recent human studies have shown that a wide variety of prenatal stressors, from anxiety and partner relationship problems, to natural disasters, increase the risk for a diverse range of adverse neurodevelopmental outcomes in the child. These include impaired cognitive development and behavioral problems, autism and schizophrenia." Dev Neurosci 2009;31:285–292

There are many more research papers about Stress and Pregnancy. Some stress is fine but intense or chronic is bad. Those reading, don't stress out about it, just do some yoga and make sure you take some time for the things you enjoy. If you have a stressful job, try to leave it at work, try to step away from it and take some time for yourself.

I try to take time for myself, one reason I am writing on the bump because it gives my mind something else to do, also I work out, try to spend time with the dogs, friends, and husband. But it is affecting my progress and will need to increase my time spent on writing if I want to finish in a timely manner. It takes a long time to write and for many people I know (including myself) it is a very emotional and stressful experience. Sucks but you gotta do what you gotta do...

As far as being frustrated with people asking, every graduate student I know hates that question. Really it depends on who is asking you. If it is your MIL who has no concept about how grad school works, complaining about how long it is taking you, it is frustrating. If it is another student, who is more empathetic than judgmental, you tend to be fine. You know the saying 'you never ask a woman her age' or 'someone their weight', there is also one for graduate students 'you never ask when they will graduate'.

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pibsquared

Rescuing a dog is a good idea to subdue baby fever for a short time. Although I did have a friend who was shocked how different a baby is to a dog, which surprised me that she would think having a baby is equivalent to having a dog. Oh well! She now knows it isn't. It is a good beginning step having a pet that you have to feed, walk, take care of, but realize a baby is a 1000+ times more involved. 

GhostMonkey- No Shit Sherlock, Autism is not a miscarriage. I have family members and work with autistic people. I was just pointing out that stress can affect pregnancy and development of the child, and showing research to prove it. 

Meery82

pibsquared said:

Rescuing a dog is a good idea to subdue baby fever for a short time. Although I did have a friend who was shocked how different a baby is to a dog, which surprised me that she would think having a baby is equivalent to having a dog. Oh well! She now knows it isn't. It is a good beginning step having a pet that you have to feed, walk, take care of, but realize a baby is a 1000+ times more involved. 

GhostMonkey- No Shit Sherlock, Autism is not a miscarriage. I have family members and work with autistic people. I was just pointing out that stress can affect pregnancy and development of the child, and showing research to prove it. 

Are you trying to say that stress causes autism? Because that's just as fucking stupid.

Tara0604

pibsquared said:

Rescuing a dog is a good idea to subdue baby fever for a short time. Although I did have a friend who was shocked how different a baby is to a dog, which surprised me that she would think having a baby is equivalent to having a dog. Oh well! She now knows it isn't. It is a good beginning step having a pet that you have to feed, walk, take care of, but realize a baby is a 1000+ times more involved. 

GhostMonkey- No Shit Sherlock, Autism is not a miscarriage. I have family members and work with autistic people. I was just pointing out that stress can affect pregnancy and development of the child, and showing research to prove it. 

Working in the field, shouldn't you know that it's people with autism and not "autistic people"?

Tara0604

aww, thanks @14whitney! 

I cringe too!

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adussell7

Who cares what they think? They don't know you better than you know yourselves and your capabilities. I married my husband a few months after I turned 20, and we had our son nine months later at 21. I have never once doubted that I made the right decision, my family is everything. Yes it can be difficult when none of the other mothers are my age, and everyone looks at me like a teen pregnancy case, but it's worth it. Yeah not everyone is ready for that at such a young age, all of my friends are still in their party phase, but don't let them judge you based on everyone else. 

100% honest, you can't possibly plan for everything, you don't know how it will work out. Life has a way of throwing curve balls no matter how you plan. If you wait for certainty you will never have kids, because life isn't certain, and being older probably won't change your situation much. 

CaravanaR

I want to thank everyone for their advise and support. My husband and I have talked a lot of this through discussing topics that were given in each comment, and are working hard to prepare in the ways that we can at this time. I do take this very seriously as we would be bringing another human life onto this earth. Again thank you not only for the advice, but your kind honesty all with good intention.