Accused of baby name stealing

sigkap710

Hi all,

 I'm 28 weeks pregnant and expecting a baby boy on Sept 28th. My husband and I had a long hard road to this pregnancy. We had two miscarriages and went through 8 months of unsuccessful fertility treatments. We finally gave up on the fertility docs and got pregnant again on our own. I was put on progesterone and aspirin in the 1st trimester and so far everything is great.  We are super excited!

We just announced our baby's name, Roman, and suddenly I get text messages from my husband's best friend's wife accusing me of stealing the name.  She has twin girls who are 15 months old. She claims she told everyone when she was pregnant with her twins that Roman was the name she wanted if she were having a boy.  She didn't have a boy and she is not pregnant now.  Even if she did mention it when she was pregnant, that was practically almost two years ago. She is upset that I didn't talk to her about it before announcing it.   I had 5 friends pregnant at the same time. How can I possibly remember every name they might have mentioned in their naming quest? We came across the name doing searches online. I actually wanted a different a name but my husband pushed for Roman and I let him have more say since it's his first son. I apologized to her and told her if it meant that much I would talk it over with my husband about changing it. She said it had special meaning for them because they traveled to Rome once. Apologies and offering to discuss changing it wasn't enough. She continued to accused me of stealing even after I explained we didn't remember she liked it.  She told me a friend would never name steal. I even told them at our gender reveal party that Roman was a possibility and she only said she had considered it when she was pregnant.  

These friends live an hour away from us and we seem them maybe once a month. Our children won't be going to the same school or seeing each other regularly. I explained she could still use the name.  She is being extremely difficult and basically threatening to end the friendship. I don't know what else to do.  If we change it, I will always be upset that I gave it up for her when she might not even get pregnant again or have a boy.  If I keep it, then I lose a friend.

Has anyone been in this situation? Any advice? Should I be checking with every friend before naming my baby?

MMason12

There is ZERO way I would change his name. I'm sorry but your friends wife cannot claim a name they MAY use for a future boy they MAY have. That's crap on her part.

I would just respond and say - we aren't related, our kids go to different schools, we had no idea two years later that was on your name list and your more than welcome to use it as well if you ever have a son. :-)

Then leave it at that.

JustCricket

yeaaaa no she can't claim a name. Sucks but she doesn't have a boy, and who knows if she'll even ever have a boy. 

eta- if she wants to end a friendship over a damn name, then it sounds like she's not a very good friend in the first place

nilvero

That's crazy. She doesn't have a boy and doesn't know if she ever will. You didn't steal the name. Keep the name if it's wha you want!

LTMama

She sounds like an asshole.  Name your baby what you want!  And given the circumstances, her telling you you're name-stealing (aside from the whole concept of name-stealing being silly) is ridiculous.

jessandmike2013

Re-read your post, and realize how insanely ridiculous this person sounds. Truthfully, you are fine to use the name Roman, this woman is very out of line and I'm embarrassed FOR her. Use the name you chose, love it.

ConversationFear

Monicavickery said:

Hell no! Keep the name you and your husband picked out together. She sounds like a major bitch.

Yeah. This.

brittneyandadam

Like PP said, she can't claim a name. And if she's threatening to end a friendship over something so trivial, I'd let her. She sounds petty and ridiculous. Please don't change your baby's name for her.

Congrats on conquering IF btw :-)

Jax2013

How can you name steal a name for a child that doesn't even exist? She needs to check herself.

bumpuser10199668

She does realize that "Roman" applies to an entire group of people (millions of them), an empire, and Catholicism, among other things,  right?

Text her back and tell her the pope called and said that SHE is a name stealer. Then never speak to her again cuz she's a cuntbag.

sigkap710

You might be right. We used confetti poppers for our gender reveal. When blue confetti came out she yelled "NOOOOOO!" really loud.  I thought she was joking but maybe she has some serious issues.

dinodna3

SmileyGirl18 said:

I think she is jealous you are having a boy. Don't even think about picking a different name. She will get over it.

This!

AnyMax

sigkap710 said:

You might be right. We used confetti poppers for our gender reveal. When blue confetti came out she yelled "NOOOOOO!" really loud.  I thought she was joking but maybe she has some serious issues.

Stop. Right there. Huge red flag. Bitch be crazy.

kmbk27

1. Congratulations!

2. I would not even consider changing the name.

3. She sounds bat shit crazy. Run far, run fast.

sigkap710

Love all the replies! Thanks all! I guess I shouldn't let her make me feel guility.

trebekastan

sigkap710 said:

Love all the replies! Thanks all! I guess I shouldn't let her make me feel guility.

You can only feel guilty if you've done something wrong.

LTMama

Let me tell you how a normal person/actual friend would react to your situation.  DD and I had a playdate with a friend recently, whose son is 1.5.  This isn't a super close friend.  She's awesome, we just don't see each other much or share a lot of mutual friends.  Her son's name is the name we've chosen for our little guy.  I told her our name pick.  Her reaction?  "Awesome!!!  Isn't it a great name?  Obviously we love it!"

See?  She was excited.  Not remotely annoyed.  That's how people react.

megs2011

I agree with the other ladies. Don't change your name. She may never have anymore kids and she also may never have a boy. My SIL says that she's always wanted to her future daughter Emily. We ended up naming one of our twins Emma which is pretty close. I honestly didn't care what she thought bc she may never have a girl and I loved Emma.

megs2011

We haven't talked about names for this little guy yet but I love the name Jaxson and we have "friends" with a son named that. I'd still consider naming him that bc we never see them.

Ciardasully

She needs to understand that no one owns a name and world doesn't revolve around her.

bethybeach

It really cracks my up the nerve of some people.  How petty she sounds to even mention she would end a friendship over something like this.  Plain and simple she can't own a name.

AccioPizza

sigkap710 said:

You might be right. We used confetti poppers for our gender reveal. When blue confetti came out she yelled "NOOOOOO!" really loud.  I thought she was joking but maybe she has some serious issues.

OMG what a jackass! That would make me even more determined to stick with Roman.

But how strong is your husband's spine? I fear his best friend may try to have a talk with him an then 'suddenly' your husband will decide he doesn't care for the name. (After which I would flip my shit lol)

ETA: I'd pretty much consider my 'friendship' with this brat over anyway, even if for some reason you don't use Roman (which you should!!). She's shown you who she is.

ashaw512

Yea stick with the name you want. When I told my sister what we were naming our little boy she freaked out and said it was her name. She not pregnant or anywhere close to being pregnant.

Lizziemac217

She sounds like an irrational child, it is absurd for her to call you and say what she said, there is no way I would dream of changing my child's and. Congrats to you, Roman is an awesome name!

AmandaR204

Um...no. There is no way I'd change the name, she needs to get over it.

Vangiejo

I had the same thing happened to me but it was my name and DH best friend named their daughter it before us. I was maybe upset about it for a minute and didn't even confront them. It is a name not worth fighting about let alone ending a friendship over it.

Five years and two boys later I am now having a girl and I really don't even like the name anymore. She will get over it and if she doesn't she is not worth your time.

peanutbuttervibes

She sounds like a twat. Name your kid whatever you want.

punnybunny

She's crazy. I have names that I like that get moved down my list of favorites when someone else uses them (I have a hard time using popular names, long backstory on why). I still love those names but I'm less likely to use them. But I don't make a big deal about it. It's not a big deal. If she still wants to use that name, she can. I would not have even told her that I'd discuss it with my husband because that's ridiculous. This is her issue, and if she can't get over it and decides to end the friendship, you're better off without that crazy in your life.

MMason12

sigkap710 said:

You might be right. We used confetti poppers for our gender reveal. When blue confetti came out she yelled "NOOOOOO!" really loud.  I thought she was joking but maybe she has some serious issues.

Seriously?!? She's crazy!! What does the gentials of your baby have to do with her to where she would even begin to consider yelling "nooooo" when it was revealed its a boy?!?!

She is obviously super jealous and has some issues which she should deal with. There is zero way I would change my name and I would force my husband to put his foot down.

What happens if you change your name and they never have a boy?? Ugh... People (her) are stupid!

SingleMom31

There are names that I've loved over the years that I've fallen out of love with for one reason or another.  Even if she had a boy a few years down the road, who's to say that she won't fall out of love with it by then?  Also, "because we went to Rome once"?  She sounds crazy on many levels.

We named DD1 Isabella -- She has a cousin Isadora.  I was kind of worried at first since they're really close, but one goes by Isa (like Lisa without the L) and the other by Izzy or Dora, so really no issues. 

T&HLove

You don't even need to explain yourself or your situation. There could be 5 other Romans in her non existent child's future class. She's being ridiculous. Use the name you like.

MMason12

On a side note.... This reminds me of my SIL who is upset that we would dare name our daughter Annabeth with the plan to call her "AB" as a nickname.  SIL's initials are "A.B." and she is extremely upset and offended we would nickname our daughter using her initials because "people will get confused" about who we are talking about.  Mind you SIL lives 18+ hours away and I have seen her exactly once -- the day of our wedding.  My response, "she can shove it!" :-)

stephanie123456

Wow. Like PPs said, cut her out of your life. BIL and his wife are naming their daughter due next month Olivia and didn't give two flying effs that a cousin had already named their daughter that a couple years ago. They love it and the cousin lives in Arkansas (we are in California). Haven't heard if the cousins care but really, it's a very popular name.

CplusJ=S

This person is clearly bat shit crazy. She is an attention seeker who is raining on your parade. Ignore her or tell her to get over herself.

mcstrepp

Stick to your guns and use whatever name you want. This girl sounds ridiculous.

Linz-E

I have never been in this situation but would not change my son's name- this woman sounds toxic. I agree with @MMason12 s response.

cls0602

People are so funny about this topic! When I announced my pregnancy, my cousin texted me "Don't name your baby Violet because that's my name". I laughed it off, because very lucky for her, our girl name was Olivia but even if it was Violet I would have used it. My cousin is not even married/close to having a baby, and we see her maybe 3 times a year.

We are having a boy, but my brother and SIL also love the name Olivia, so it's kind of a joke in our family who will have a girl first. DH and I already said we would be using they name regardless.

You have to call your child this for the rest of forever so if you're lucky enough to find a name you love, why on earth would you change it! I would never, no matter how mad someone is. For all you know this girl might never have a boy, or you might not be friends with them in 5 years. Just silly

Pancake227

That's ridiculous. Name your child what you want and move on.

dmooregarcia

Wow that friends wife has no say. If it was your close/best friend then I obviously wouldn't even consider it but for someone normal she should stop, he won't be the only Roman anyways. I say go for it.

alyssarenee90

Wow that is really silly!! You are not stealing the name.
I almost said it isnt worth losing a friend over.... but what kind of friend acts like that? Not a real friend thats for sure. Tell her if she has a son to name him after a different vacation spot  #-o