Sibling advice

kcisthebombdotcom

So dd (3 with asd) is addicted to playing with her brother. If he's uninterested in doing what she wants to do it results in incessant whining and/or a tantrum. Im guessing explaining he is a person with separate feelings would be an exercise in futility and I don't want to discourage her from inviting him to play. Any ways to help with this issue?

kcisthebombdotcom

How do you even word that to a kid with the language skills of a two year old?

kcisthebombdotcom

-auntie- said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

How do you even word that to a kid with the language skills of a two year old?

I was under the impression she was speech delayed but that her receptive language was fairly typical; you always mention that her team considers her to be very subtle in presentation.

Even a two should be starting to understand "you're not the boss of me". Most two/threes I know, including my own, have uttered this exact phrase. Could you present it by talking about how brother likes somethings, and sister likes others- you could talk about preferences in toys, DVDs or even foods as a starting point. 

Then expand on brother wants to read by himself now because that's what he likes to do. Or brother wants to build with his big kid Legos in his room now.

In families where the little gets "stuck" sometimes it helps to make a visual schedule of times when they will play with their sibling. Three of my friends made each child's room off limits to the other which seemed to blunt the hurt feelings from the one who doesn't want to play saying so. 

This "need" sometimes comes from having more fun with play when the older sib scripts imaginary play- helping her boost her ability to entertain herself could make it so you can redirect her to play by herself could help him gets some space and her to become more competent in play.

Her language has always been at a 12 month delay. I didn't know language delays=severely affected and typical language=mildly affected? She is mild in the sense that she had age appropriate adaptive/motor/play skills, has good eye contact, joint attention at an age appropriate time, no rigidity or meltdowns, etc. Her score on the ADOS was borderline.

It's not a case where ds and dd have different interests. For example, dd and ds may be playing Legos and dd wants to be done playing Legos and asks ds to go jump on the trampoline. Ds isn't in the mood to jump so he tells her no. Whining ensues. She has (and has had forever) the ability to play independently using her imagination so that isn't an issue.

kcisthebombdotcom

-auntie- said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

Her language has always been at a 12 month delay. I didn't know language delays=severely affected and typical language=mildly affected? She is mild in the sense that she had age appropriate adaptive/motor/play skills, has good eye contact, joint attention at an age appropriate time, no rigidity or meltdowns, etc. Her score on the ADOS was borderline. 

Language and speech both play into how impaired/atypical a child is- along with other factors like adaptive skills and intellectual ability. She's got some great skills, so I was surprised that he receptive language was below age level.  

I know it's likely way too soon to tell but it seems her receptive delays seem to be more weak auditory processing/motor planning than anything else. She loves attention so she's eager to please and it doesn't currently seem to be a case of a low iq, poor attention or impulsiveness but following verbal directions is challenging for her. She has a pretty broad vocabulary but stringing words to form sentences is where she loses it.  

There are a subset of girls who are seemingly "protected" against more atypicality by virtue of the sex having better social skills early on than male peers the same age. I wonder if this protest- the whining/tantrum is her version of a meltdown? DS was never a meltdown kid; his psych tried for years to trigger one to no avail since he didn't believe me when I said it wasn't one of DS's issues.

She fares better socially than any boy with autism I've met in her age range. I definitely believe the whining/tantrum could be her version of a meltdown. 

It's not a case where ds and dd have different interests. For example, dd and ds may be playing Legos and dd wants to be done playing Legos and asks ds to go jump on the trampoline. Ds isn't in the mood to jump so he tells her no. Whining ensues. She has (and has had forever) the ability to play independently using her imagination so that isn't an issue.

Probably not a whole lot you can do but validate her frustration and redirect her. 

Darn.