Is this normal 2 year old stuff?

mlee116

DS has been at his DC for about 1.5 yrs.  He's had the same teacher for most of that time and the subs/helpers are usually the same people so he's very familiar with them.  He's also been with the same small group of kids for the last year.  So basically, not much has changed.  He's done very well there and we haven't had any problems with the DC.

Lately, he's not been wanting to go to school.  Every day he gets up and says "No school today!" and then when we tell him that he is going, he says he doesn't want to go and gets sad.  I tried telling him his friends and his teacher will be there, but he says "Me don't like friends. Me don't like teacher. Me don't want it."  DH usually drops him off and said he's either been whiny or cried a little at dropoffs for the last few weeks.  When I dropped him off, he was even worse.  

The only thing I can think of is that DH is out of school for the summer (he's a teacher) so he's only been going 2-3 days a week and there are a lot fewer kids at DC (bc a lot of the other parents are teachers too), so maybe his routine is messed up?  Or is it just a normal 2 year old phase?  If so, how do we work through it?

Sorry for the essay

[Deleted User]

While I would talk to the teachers to see if there are other issues after you drop him off, it's normal.  

Is he verbal enough to ask why he doesn't like school or his friends?  DS goes through this phase.  It's cliche but it seems the same days he fights me to go are the same days he is having too much fun to leave.  

How is he at pick up? 

Also, there is a change in pattern with your DH being home.  It seems like even the slightest change can trigger a toddler mood swing.  

As far as working through it, I hug him and I leave.  Staying only made the fit worse.  The teacher will help by distracting him, giving him a helping task or simply taking him and talking with him as I leave.  

[Deleted User]

Excellent point about transitions is general.  

mlee116

MarlaSinger& said:

While I would talk to the teachers to see if there are other issues after you drop him off, it's normal.  Teacher says he's usually fine within a few mins of us leaving and he's fine all day.

Is he verbal enough to ask why he doesn't like school or his friends?  DS goes through this phase.  It's cliche but it seems the same days he fights me to go are the same days he is having too much fun to leave.  Once he said one of his friends was naughty and bit him and he didn't want to go, but I think that was just a single occurrence that he remembered and associated with school, not an every day thing.  

How is he at pick up? He's excited to see DH, but he's playing and having fun when DH gets there.

Also, there is a change in pattern with your DH being home.  It seems like even the slightest change can trigger a toddler mood swing.  

As far as working through it, I hug him and I leave.  Staying only made the fit worse.  The teacher will help by distracting him, giving him a helping task or simply taking him and talking with him as I leave.  

[Deleted User]

Based on your responses, I would say this is simply a phase.  It doesn't seem like he is off otherwise, indicating an issue at school.  

It wouldn't hurt to talk with the teachers but I wouldn't worry (other than the hair pulling stress that is a bad drop off).

mlee116

PrivacyWanted said:

I think it's normal around 2 to just not like transitions in general.  So meaning, it's not that he doesn't like school, but he's liking being home at that moment more.   There's also some separation anxiety that happens - Daniel Tiger "Grown ups come back" is good for helping with this angle. 

When DD was through that phase we let her keep a "magic necklace" aka an old teething necklace of mine. Whenever she rubbed it, we told her we'd be thinking of her, it helped a lot.

That's a good point!  And I think maybe that he's a little older he can remember more, like how he had fun with daddy yesterday, whereas before every day was a new day if that makes any sense?

I love the magic necklace idea!  Now that I think about it, there was some random toy in my car he wanted to take with him last week and the teacher said he carried it around all day long.  Maybe he needs some kind of comfort thing to keep with him!

[Deleted User]

I tried to preface the morning with what is going on that day.  "Today is Monday.  You can play with your friend Timmy today" etc.  I hype up school in the mornings.  I talk about what fun he had in the afternoons.  

aglenn

I vote normal; both of my kids went through this at around the same age.  DS has a flair for the dramatic and lately has been telling me, "I miss Mommy.  I cried a lot.  No like it school.  Want to hang out with Mommy."  He has a great time at "school" when he is there, though.  I think it's just the transition/separation issues others have mentioned.

jellybean529

When my DD was 2, she was very much the same way. Clingy and crying at drop off but also a holy terror on the way home. Both ways was a transition and I think @privacywanted is spot on in saying that they just don''t like transitions at that age.

vvvvvfee

my 22-month-old DS has been like this lately, too. nothing else has changed, and he's been at this daycare since he was 15 months. he's fine during the day and at pickup. it's just tough leaving since he often literally clings (particuarly if i am the one dropping him off).

i'd actually heard of the "magic bracelet" idea (via one of elizabeth pantley's books) and was thinking about doing that. i just have to find something kid-safe.

MommyAtty

DD is going through this, and she stays with Grandma and Grandpa! Me: It's time to go see Grandma and Papa! DD: NO! Me: today you're going to color and go to the park and play chase! DD: I don't want to go. I want to stay. With (looks around for one of her stuffed animals) Pete the Cat! Then she tells us at the end of the day she wants to stay at Grandma's. She turns 2 next week. Lord help me.

litzo27

DSs go through these stages occasionally. I have to say that it's MUCH worse on the days that I work from home for whatever reason. I.e. if I leave first then they give my DH zero issues going to school but if they think that I'll be home (or if I drop them off) they have a much harder time. So it may have to do with your DH being home for the summer.

emberlee3

Yes, normal. I try to acknowledge the emotion but then shift to something positive. "You feel sad about going to school today. I wish we could both stay home! Mommy has to work. let's hurry up getting dressed so we have time for breakfast together."

mlee116

Thanks, everyone for the great responses!  I plan on using a lot of these ideas asap

MickeyM04

Totally normal! At least once a week DS will say, "No school!" and then when we ask him doesn't he want to see Ms. A or Ms. B or Friend X or Friend Y he will say, "No Ms. A! No Ms. B! No X!" And then he will be a little whiny at drop off with DH. However then we hear that he has a great day and when I pick him up he's not clingy or weird or anything.

I know this isn't like a super great health conscious thing but on the days where he seems sad to go, sometimes DH will take him to the drive thru at Dunkin Donuts and get him a couple munchkins. He loves the drive thru and the donuts and it's a great distraction. We don't do it all the time or anything but sometimes it makes the trip to school more fun and he forgets that he didn't want to go.