Vent and IVF questions

DharmaChick

This cycle seems to have been the cruelest one yet.  Everything seemed to go well, and I had so many "symptoms" from the darn Crinone that I was nearly certain that it was our lucky cycle. I was crushed to get a BFN again.  I just need to vent a bit, an

**Warning:  Babies/pregnancy mentioned.**

VENT/pity party: Yesterday morning started with the BFN. Then, lunch with friends who are pregnant with #2 and brought their toddler.  That wasn't too bad, because they're not the type to flaunt it.  After that, I was helping my parents to pack up stuff from my childhood home (they are selling it), which is tough because just seems to magnify the ticking clock. 
The trickiest part, though, was a BBQ that evening:  My SIL kept (very obviously, and frequently) hinting to me that we should have kids, blatantly asked me if/when it was happening, and kept nudging me and DH to interact with the kids there.  (DH's family does not know that we are trying, b/c we expect too much unsolicited advice there.) The thing that cut the deepest, though, was that my SIL had a close friend there, who brought her two young kids... who call my MIL "Grandma".  She doesn't have any grandkids yet, thanks to my IF, and neither do my parents.

We were thinking of doing one more IUI before moving onto IVF, b/c I'm just not comfortable with IVF yet.  However, July 14-20 are going to be completely out, b/c DH and I are both traveling, and not together.  (Icing on the cake: we are also going to be missing a milestone wedding anniversary for us - we'll be spending it across the country from each other.) So we wouldn't be able to start the next cycle until who knows when, since I don't have a regular cycle.  My birthday is also approaching quickly... tick-tock.

Questions:
- DH has also pointed out how depressed I have become.  I haven't hung out with my friends in months, lost interest in everything, and have just generally been miserable.  I think that I am finally going to seek out a therapist.  Any advice for starting this process?

- We are wondering if we should just start an IVF cycle.  What would the timeframe for that likely be?

- Any advice from those who have gone through IVF?

- Anyone decide against IVF?  I'd love to hear from you, too.  Feel free to send in a private message if you don't want to start any controversial conversations - that is certainly not my intention.

DenaMaree

Ugh, it's so hard having family and friends who you just know won't understand the enormity of your struggles! Hugs!! I think it's great you are seeking out a therapist. I don't have any advice but just want to say your in my thoughts and prayers!!

emmuffy

I so sorry for what you're going through. It sounds like a therapist could be helpful for you. Hopefully you can also find a way to connect with your friends. It's hard, and people can say stupid things, but some people will be nice, and it'll be good for your friends to understand why you've been sad and withdrawn lately. We're moving on to IVF but can't start until later in the year for scheduling reasons. It's a pretty long process and you have to be in town for monitoring etc. The odds of success are higher with IVF, which is our only real reason for making that decision. You may want to consider a consult to better understand the IVF process and whether/when it would be a good move for you.

Hollowvic

My husband said the same thing to me, that I'm not the same happy wife he married and that I obsess about getting pregnant. I've been seeing a therapist and it helps me tremendously. Also similar to your situation, my husbands brothers girlfriend "accidentally" got pregnant 2 months after we got engaged, so I dealt with her pregnant through my whole engagement and wedding. Now we can't mention that we are having TTTC to his family bc we don't want her to know, she'll be pregnant in 5 minutes again if she knows we're trying. Sorry I rambled on, but my point is definitely look into a therapist, I don't know what I would do without mine.

DharmaChick

Thank you both.
We did have a consult with the RE a few weeks ago, though it was a WTF appointment, where I wasn't expecting IVF to be the next step. (I thought that injects alone were an option.)  I was too emotional and surprised during that appointment to really ask the questions that I needed to ask.  Perhaps another consult is a good idea.

StacyLH24

I'm so sorry for all of it...the BFN and all of the family related stuff.

From start to finish, you're probably looking at 4-5 weeks for IVF. That is after the consult and whatever your office has you do beforehand. I just finished 3 weeks of BCPs and will start stimming on Friday. That will last anywhere from 8-14 days, then ER the week of 7/14 and ET 3 or 5 days later. That is all assuming that things go well and you don't have any cysts, fibroids, polyps, etc.

Counseling is a great idea. If you can find a IF counselor in your area, that might be a good place to start. You can always ask your RE's office if they know of one. There is one connected to our office. The most important part is that you feel comfortable and connect with the counselor.

Good luck!

kristyn831

I definitely recommend seeking therapy.  Being depressed is no way to live.  I have also heard acupuncture helps and haven't tried it yet, but I'm looking into it.  Besides therapy, forcing myself to get up and exercise helps.  I'm seeing a therapist that specializes in IF next week, but in the meantime, "regular" therapy has been helpful.

Sorry I have no advice or experience with the IVF decision.  There are many factors that are part of that decision.  Good luck.

KT416

I'm sorry you are struggling. I think seeking out therapy is a great idea. I just wanted to echo finding a therapist that specializes in IF. You could see if your clinic has any recommendations.

I think every IVF cycle is different, but for us I was on BCP for three weeks and waited for AF. Once AF came on CD2 I had an ultrasound and started stims that night. Stimming lasts from 7-14 days typically depending on how you respond. You will need to go in for daily monitoring once you are close, and then you will trigger when your follies are big. 36 hours after your trigger you will go in for ER and then go in 3 or 5 days later for a transfer depending on your protocol.

I started BCP on 5/22 and had my ER on 628, but it took a few days for AF to show up and I stimmed a little longer than others.

Good luck!

BunnyBerry

I'm sorry that family has not been sensitive! Glad you have some nice friends, too.

It sounds sweet of YH to bring up the changes he's seen. Perhaps you can call one or two offices nearby and ask if any of them specialize in infertility-related issues.

Personally, I wouldn't go into an IVF cycle without feeling sure and ready. Even with a "ticking clock" I think waiting the month or months it would take to be sure could help make the whole experience much easier, being emotionally and physically prepared. And it sounds like you are still considering other options besides moving forward with IVF. We think we'd be happy to do IVF if needed, but I know we would still wait and pray and reflect before making that decision; it's not something we can actually know at this point, I think.

Good luck.

DharmaChick

Thank you so much, ladies.
I called my RE's office today to ask for any recommendations for a therapist/counselor, and they emailed me a list. Thank you so much for this suggestion.  I am going to reach out to one of them tomorrow to try to make an appointment.

It looks like we will have to take a break from meds/IUI this cycle, due to travel.  I'm going to try to take this month to get myself out of this funk.