Older sibling's adjustment check-in 6/30

SecondTimeinMSU

I was wondering how everyone was doing that was struggling with their older child? We are at week 6 right now and while he's gotten better he still can be incredibly difficult at times. I am not sure if he is still adjusting or it is more the terrible 3s. I've followed all the advice but it is hard to keep going when I am so tired. His main problem is not wanting to go to sleep as well as not listening. We do a ton of one on one time and I've tried to stay consistent on discipline. I just feel like I am not cut out to be a parent since somehow I am doing this all wrong. I cried during nap time since he kept kicking the wall and now I know he is going to be cranky the rest of the day. Is anyone else still struggling and need to vent?

rainbowdashh

DD doesn't want anyone to touch the baby. It breaks my heart when she cries when I have to feed her and she tries to climb on me. My H and sister are with me trying to keep her distracted while I adjust/recover, but she just doesn't seem happy. She is indifferent about actually touching or holding the baby, she just can't understand that I have to divide attention.

I hope this gets easier.

MrsKipper

I mostly feel bad because we can't get out as much so I know she's going a bit stir crazy. It's also tough to keep her from accidentally hurting him. She's doing better than the first two weeks, but it's still tough. I'm hoping we cans start to get out more soon so she won't be so bored.

tbmadeamistake

Starting week four over here and she's getting there very slowly. We are really cracking down with things like hitting and throwing, she is not a fan of time out. She is getting better about leaving him alone when he's sleeping, which is awesome. Shes still not great with not pulling on him and has started trying to pick him up all by herself which is not OK. Shes got today and Wednesday left in daycare and then she's home with us full time and I think she does better the longer she spends with him. I'm hoping next week brings big progress.

sarahlynnc317

We have had issues with my 7 year old stepson. Anytime my husband gives attention to our DD when he is around my SS has to get right next to his dad then starts asking a million questions so his dad can't give all his attention to the baby.

Brookerose978

It's been 4 weeks and my 2 year old WAS doing better at adjusting. That is, until he came down with double conjunctivitis and an ear infection. Poor little guy. But it has made him regress back into being a major pain. He especially "hates" me, I have to give him the medicine, I have to hold baby brother instead of him, and I am the one who just can't do anything right for him (apparently)

I feel like I can't make it through the day sometimes. I am SAHM and he just does not want to listen to me or do what I ask, whereas before baby he was so good at both of those things. It is a constant struggle and lots of tears (both me and 2 yr old) lately so I am hoping it gets better as he gets better. Ugh.

Rosebud2587

CDK211 said:

Slowly...so slowly we are seeing improvements. It's been rough.

This. Ever so slowly things are getting better.

tummommy

Things are, as with y'all, slowly getting better. Week one DD (27 months) had major sleep disruptions and was hard to deal with due to being sleepy. Week 2, and she has started testing her limits more. However, she has been good with her baby brother the whole time, just pushing me and SO and having trouble calming down to sleep. Today was a really good day; I'm counting it as a blessing and rolling with it. Good to luck to you all and please send prayers our way too! The hardest part has been keeping my temper in check in the face of exhaustion and I hate myself after losing my cool with DD, which has happened a couple of major times

purtz

Ditto to everything everyone else has said; I could have written any one of your posts! DD is fine with LO, she's just an emotional 3 year old exercising her independence (at all the wrong times!).

fsumom

Well my DD will be 8 in October so she's been great with DS. With that said, sometimes I feel she's already a teenager with her attitude at times.

aravis121

ohyealovely said:

DD doesn't want anyone to touch the baby. It breaks my heart when she cries when I have to feed her and she tries to climb on me. My H and sister are with me trying to keep her distracted while I adjust/recover, but she just doesn't seem happy. She is indifferent about actually touching or holding the baby, she just can't understand that I have to divide attention. I hope this gets easier.

I could have written this post exactly, except my husband has gone back to work and my parents are here trying to entertain her. The worst for me is the middle of the night - my parents are sharing her room with her (she has a queen bed), and she's woken up every night screaming for me, and of course I have to go get her - she's my baby! - and then spend the hour+ to get her back to sleep, THEN deal with her newborn brother all night. 

Hairstylist16

DS is 2 1/2 and seems to be doing pretty good with DD, although we've been having the listening issue and anytime you put him down for bed I swear he poops and then smears it all over his room. He was doing this before DD got here but please somebody tell me they've gone through this and how they made it stop.

snowpants

Big ((hugs)) to everyone. This is HARD.

DD1 is pretty good to DD2 thankfully. (So far...knock on wood.) She likes to tell us what the baby is doing and will often give her kisses or bring her toys so there are lots of reminders to be gentle and "no, baby doesn't get to play with your Legos" etc. There have been a few times I'm holding DD2 and DD1 tried to climb on us both and clearly didn't like that my attention wasn't on her exclusively. And she's already dropped the "No! My daddy!" Once when DH was holding DD2. Ugh. That was tough.

The harder part is how DD1 is reacting to DH and I. Not sure if it's because of the baby or just being an almost 3-year old (probably a combination) but there are way more tantrums, freak outs, not listening to us, etc. Oh, and the potty training regression has been delightful. /sarcasm DD1 has always been such a mellow, sweet, happy, and good little girl that I'm having a hard time adjusting to her new behavior. I know it probably would have happened anyway as part of being a two and three year old, but I can't help but feel guilty like having a second kid caused my first kid to change so much. I miss the little girl she was if that makes sense. And honestly that's been the hardest part by far of having two.

SecondTimeinMSU

@snowpants All of the stuff you described is DS exactly and I feel the same way. It makes me wonder if people who decide to have a third child suffer from memory loss or just had an easier transition?

tummommy

@aravis121 our DD is 2 1/2 and I swear I've lost more sleep to her than the newborn. But, like you said, that's my baby and although sometimes I am a bit impatient late at night, I won't make her go to sleep without me. Things are bound to get easier...hugs to all of you!

CoUnTryBB1

Shew two is tough. Our dd is 22 months and she is slowly warming up to sharing all of our attention, I am lucky in that SO takes her to daycare three days a week. Ds is starting to get on a better schedule and of course dd has gotten a little bug for the first time ever and like other pps said she is up more than he is. This will only last for a season though I was a mess the first day home with them but things are improving. I still feel guilty sometimes and overwhelmed but I just remind myself I am only one person and I am doing the best I can. There are going to be tears but hopefully I will be able to look back and laugh at these moments. Edited bc words are hard