How do you answer this?!?

southernbelle82

I'm starting to see more people who don't know about our most recent loss and don't know about our situation and I'm getting a lot of "so when are you having another?" Or "are y'all done with 3"? My heart breaks every time and I just want to spill every horrible detail of the last year. I want to share how there can never be more unless we adopt or do IVF - which both options seem impossible. I can't say the words "oh I don't know, we'll see" (like my husband can so easily say) because I know it's a lie and I physically cannot say those words. Plus I don't want to make them uncomfortable or over share with strangers.

So how do you answer this question? Do you just eventually 'toughen up' and just blankly answer? Do you reach a point where you can just say we don't know? I had not prepared myself for this question and every time someone asks me it's like a huge, hurtful reminder of everything.

HawaiianSunset09

I struggle with this because I cant lie. I just CANT be like "Oh Im fine" if everything is falling apart. Im honest and say we hope to add to our family, but I have medical issues so we will see.

spfclr

Of course it depends how they phrase the question, but I usually say something along the lines of, "We'd love to have another, we'll see what happens."  Since my DD is almost 4, there are extra bedrooms in our house, and no big financial issues they usually catch on that it's not our timing that we're waiting on. 

I guess I have hardened up to it a little after 2 years.  Despite how busy my life is I think about infertility and the spacing between my DD and any future baby many times a day so someone asking about it doesn't always solicit a sad response. 

I can see what to say being a little trickier for you since you already have 3 so I'm sure everyone assumes that there aren't any medical issues. 

Good luck!

pettycrocker

If I had 3 kids, I would say "Yup, done with 3" if you get pregnant again, you can be like "Sike! I'm having moarbabies" 

I have one kid, so people put more pressure on this. When people ask, I said "Well, I just lost 2 in a row, now I bet you feel like balls for being all up in my business, assface" 

pettycrocker

I am seriously surprised people ask this question to a person who has 3 kids? Wtf do they want from you?! Do they think you are some kind of Duggar in training?

annibes

After almost 4 years, I pretty much tell people we're having trouble. "We should be on baby # 3 or 4 by now!" is a current favorite.

GraceyandTroy

I actually don't have a lot of people ask this question of me.  If it comes up, I tell them we'd love to have more, but that's it's not always in out control.  That If I could choose when I get pregnant, I would already have three.  I don't say it to make someone feel bad, but I do try to enlighten them that it's not always easy and that their question isn't always appropriate.  

Steph1673

ksvend said:

Of course it depends how they phrase the question, but I usually say something along the lines of, "We'd love to have another, we'll see what happens."  Since my DD is almost 4, there are extra bedrooms in our house, and no big financial issues they usually catch on that it's not our timing that we're waiting on.

Pretty much this and pretty much the same situation. Or I say something along the lines of "hopefully soon" which is not a lie. 

EmAre

I just lie and say that we are done with just one. We likely will never have another after TTC #2 for three years now. I tell my daughter that our family is just meant to have 3 people. I'm not sure if the sting ever goes away, but the more people I tell that we are done, the less we get asked.

southernbelle82

Mrs Castillo said:

I am seriously surprised people ask this question to a person who has 3 kids? Wtf do they want from you?! Do they think you are some kind of Duggar in training?

I either get "when are you having more?" or "you're done, right?!?" When I was pregnant with my third, people acted disgusted that we would have more, felt sorry for us bc it was a third girl, and repeatedly told me I needed a new hobby. People suck.

MrsAtch

I just say I struggle with infertility. Most people ask more questions which pisses me off more. Or I get the sad pity face which makes me want to punch them in the face.

iheartsippycups2

Mrs Castillo said:

I am seriously surprised people ask this question to a person who has 3 kids? Wtf do they want from you?! Do they think you are some kind of Duggar in training?

LMFAO @ Duggar in training!

Jodee37

I tell them "we'll have another when they stop dying in my uterus." I usually hear crickets after that as they realize it's none of their goddamn business. I don't leave any room for being polite. They lost that right by being nosy fucking assholes.

MrsAtch

@Jodee37 I JUST saw your new quote in your siggy. I had to laugh out loud. Damn, you're so delusional. *snickers*

Jodee37

@MtsAtch dn't forget I am a bully too.
)

SassFrass

Since being here, I have toughened up a bit, and I frequently get this question, especially since 2 of my sister in laws are due any time now really. I am pretty bitchy about it lately and just tell people that when my babies stop dying in my uterus, I will have another. The only person I am not snarky to, even though she asks me every other week it seems, is DH's granny... She means well, she does, but it gets old from her too.

Chasity08

Jodee37 said:

I tell them "we'll have another when they stop dying in my uterus." I usually hear crickets after that as they realize it's none of their goddamn business. I don't leave any room for being polite. They lost that right by being nosy fucking assholes.

Thank you for existing. This made my day. I cannot stop laughing lol!

CeCe8579

@SassFrass‌, were you quoting @Jodee37‌ in your answer?

GraceyandTroy

Iloveshanej said:

@SassFrass‌, were you quoting @Jodee37‌ in your answer?

Yeah, I was wondering the same thing.  

SassFrass

Iloveshanej said:

@SassFrass‌, were you quoting @Jodee37‌ in your answer?

Honestly, I didn't even read any of the other replies before I posted, which I should have

dammit.

SassFrass

now, I see where it was already said, but that is generally what I say when asked.

CeCe8579

SassFrass said:

now, I see where it was already said, but that is generally what I say when asked.

Interesting coincidink......

topaz7777

I usually try to treat them like I would a 5 year old asking me.  They really usually just have no experience or concept of how emotionally hard it is.  This leaves me with a response of "for some people it's easy for others it's not" or "working on it" depending on if I like the person or not.

Steph1673

I will say that I try to cut people some slack with their ignorance surrounding 2IF, because I was once in that camp that just assumed if you could do it once you could do it again. Sadly, I found out the hard way that was not so. 

You always hear the stories of so-and-so struggled with IF and then once they had one BAM! they had others naturally, no problem (three friends of mine, and one cousin). But you rarely hear (or should I say I don't know anyone IRL) of those who had the first one no problem and then struggle to have anymore. It seems no one is talking about that...

Also, IF in general is apparent (at least to those who know you want kids) because of the lack of children, but 2IF is not because you already have a child/children so assumptions are made that you can snap your fingers and do it again. 

All in a all I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, even though it may eat away at me on the inside. 

AprilDrew04

My usual response is "When God decides to bless us again". Although I currently feel more like IF God decides to bless us again.