How we Deal with bad news — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

How we Deal with bad news

I really Don't know how to go about talking about this but I have a feeling that there is a couple guys here that have had this happen. I just want to know how we all deal with not so pleasant news. So I'm going to start with the back story and question.

So Me and the wife  decided about 2 months ago to start trying to conceive. And we got lucky fairly fast. So we went into the doctor for the first visit.. We were at a about 5 to 7 weeks. Long story short cause alot more happened in the week to lead to the final call that we had a misscarriage. There is more info but i really dont feel like writing all of it cause it just more not needed.

So I know that i was very lucky that we did conceive and that no matter what stage of pregnancy it still hurts. For me it hurts cause it was the first try and I eranstly want a child of my own more than anything in the world. I know from data and reading that it is fairly common to miscarry this early on but it still hurts.

To the dads who have had to deal with unpleasant news how did you deal with it. Be it this or anything else. For me I had to look at the positive that we did conceive while we thought we would have issues and that this is just on of those "Shit Happens" moments and that we gotta wait a little and go back to trying again. I know some dads have had issues and i know im actually very lucky but it still hurts.
 

Re: How we Deal with bad news

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  • Considering that roughly 25% off all pregnancies end in miscarriages, this is very common but still very hard to deal with.  I am sorry for your loss.

    When we had our loss I had to be strong and take care of MW.  For me at least, since ours was "lost" at 5 weeks even though it was closer to 8 weeks before things happened I didn't have much time to even get that pregnancy wrapped around my head.

    Other people take it differently.  We were both glad that we didn't tell that many people so we didn't have to deal with a lot of questions from others.  I would suggest that you and your wife check out the Loss and Miscarriage board.  They can help.
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  • PrimePrime member
    Sorry for your loss.

    Everyone grieves differently.  Be there for each other and make sure you communicate.  Don't bottle it up.  Make sure you don't play the blame game.  It's no one's fault.

    We had a miscarriage on our first pregnancy.  Within 3 months my wife was pregnant again and we just celebrated our son's first birthday.  Today we are heading to the OB for an ultrasound and if things go well we'll have #2 in January.  Moral of the story, miscarriages happen.  It's unfortunate, but not really something we can control.  It doesn't mean the end of trying to have kids.

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    Wulfgar
  • So very sorry for your loss.

    We lost our 1st pregnancy with a blighted ovum (visualize an ultrasound with a sac, but no baby), she never suffered through the actual miscarriage, she felt pregnant the whole time, including after we found out there was no baby... she was super tired and felt every symptom as if she were still carrying a baby.  Oh, and we found out 2 days before Christmas and had told immediate family.

    That being said, like it has been said a few times, everyone grieves differently.  I focused on staying strong for my wife.  We discussed it between the two of us.  I stayed strong in front of her, as I hadn't completely wrapped my head around the pregnancy yet,  but privately I had my moment to let it out.  I also agree with the do not play the blame game, there is no winner there and honestly, it is one of those unfortunate things that happen, you and your wife may very well blame yourself at one point.

    That being said, take solace in that a miscarriage does not mean you can't have kids.  We tried once the doctor gave the all clear post d&c (surgical miscarriage), and we now have a 3 year old and a 1 year old.
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