Loss check in

shandorfml2

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: How is DH doing with the loss of your baby?

AshersMom11

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? At our hospital a group called Rachel's Gift comes in when there is a loss and takes pictures, makes hand and footprints, and gives the family other keepsakes. They are things that I treasure so today I volunteered to knit  blankets that they wrap the babies in and send home with the family.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Still working on getting back in shape. I have started working out a few times a week and watching what I eat with my fitness pal. We are also house hunting, but so far haven't found anything we loved.

QOTW: How is DH doing with the loss of your baby? There have been few times he has broken down. I know Father's day was hard, but he keeps a lot of it to himself and I just try to be there whenever he needs to talk. I think he's trying to be strong for me. This has defiantly brought us closer together.

shandorfml2

@AshersMom11 wow, Rachel's gift sounds wonderful. I've thought of knitting hats or making blankets for our hospital. We were sent home with a blanket, and a hat they gave us and she wore.

shandorfml2

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I had a good therapy session, and we got our Molly bear yesterday which was great! It's really comforting to hold her.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Keep losing weight. People keep commenting about how good I look. I think i've lost about 20 (over a long period of time..maybe 9 months? but I'm ok with that!). I want to up the exercise to keep losing.

QOTW: How is DH doing with the loss of your baby?He is doing well. We are a good match..when he is upset, I'm strong and vice versa. Losing Ana has made our marriage stronger. Yes, men and women grieve differently and once I learned this early on, things have been good.

AshersMom11

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Keep losing weight. People keep commenting about how good I look. I think i've lost about 20 (over a long period of time..maybe 9 months? but I'm ok with that!). I want to up the exercise to keep losing.
 

That's great. Way to go!

jonahsma

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Im having a hard time lately, I hadn't had a breakdown in a while but this week has been really emotional for me.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? I need to have a day to myself , I need to treat myself for once.

QOTW: How is DH doing with the loss of your baby?   He doesn't talk about any of our losses at all , which REALLY bothers me. I brought this up the other day with him thinking I would get an answer, but I didn't which really upset me. I feel so alone in this.         

@shandorfml2 , great job on the 20 lb weight loss!

@AshersMom11 Good luck with the house hunting !hopefully you both can find something sooner rather than later.

LyndseyTS

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I guess so...not emotional healing, but physical. They still don't know what's up (bleeding straight, almost four months post-partum), but they sent me in for a D&C and blood transfusion and are supposed to be analyzing the tissue for anything other than retained products. So, that's some sort of progress, I suppose. Also still attending counselling every couple of weeks. Most days I feel like a wreck. Hopefully "fixing" these physical problems will help me deal with the emotional. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Try to figure out what's up with the physical garbage. Continuing following up with doctors. Trying to think positive (it COULD just be retained products even if the symptoms don't line up...) and just take life on a day to day basis. Try to get more on top of things at home now that my hemoglobin is up a little bit and school is over. QOTW: How is DH doing with the loss of your baby? I think he's doing okay. It comes in waves. The samples last week really hit him hard (harder than I think he expected and definitely more than I expected). Lots of tears shed from both of us. It's been really hard on him trying to support me while they deal with my medical garbage as well, so I'm not entirely sure. Trying to be the supportive wife, but boy is life kicking me while I'm down right now. I'm sure you can relate!!

LyndseyTS

@AshersMom11‌ That's a really cool way to pay it forward. I want to do SOMETHING when I'm feeling up to it. @shandorfml2‌ Way to go on the weight loss! I'm so excited that you got your Molly bear too. I was on the fence about ordering and am so glad that I did last month. It will be awhile before we receive it, but just ordering is great!! I'm so glad it's a comfort. @jonahsma‌ I just scheduled a "Me Day" on the calendar to do whatever the heck I feel like. You should do the same! You deserve it. I'm sorry that it's been rough for you lately. I had some serious issues last week too. Thinking of you I'm really sorry about DH not having an answer. Maybe he hasn't figured it out either? I'm not sure. I know my DH has a hard time putting things into words that I understand.

shandorfml2

@LyndseyTS Do they have any guesses as to what's going on? You would think an ultrasound would reveal any retailed tissue...

lexusolsen

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I sent letters to different organizations about Ben's Baskets. I finally got a call back.

Emotionally, I am stuggling more than I was before his due date. I thought I had reached acceptance and now I'm not so sure. It's not the intense pain I felt in the beginning but it's a more subtle, always on my mind and heart kinda pain . I have counseling again this week . Maybe that will help.



What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?I did much better this week tracking my food and working out consistently. But I was only down a few ounces at my weigh in yesterday. I am going to see if I can powers through and get some better results next week.



QOTW: How is DH doing with the loss of your baby? Dh just started medication after finally getting diagnosed with depression and PTSD resulting from the accident and the loss of Ben. It will be a little while before it kicks in (a few more weeks for the medication to build up in his system) but we are glad to know what we are up against. His emotions go in waves.

lexusolsen

@jonahsma‌ - I hope you find something relaxing to do for yourself. Enjoy!

@shandorfml2‌- congrats! Keep up the good work. That bear is too cute. I go back and forth about ordering one. I don't know if holding his weight again will be healing or traumatic. Any insight?

@AshersMom11‌- I love the things we were given. Thanks for helping other loss families.

shandorfml2

@lexusolsen It was a little emotional holding her, and feeling her weight, but it has been really comforting. I like being able to snuggle with her, and feel what she felt like.

shandorfml2

and, @lexusolsen I'm glad your H is getting help, but remember it has only been three months since loosing Ben. intense grief can look a lot like clinical depression/PTSD, but this is normal, especially only at 3 months out. At three months out I'd still occasionally need to leave work because of break downs, weekly sobbing fits, despair, anger and depression. If it really is impeding his ability to function on a basic level, then yes seeking help is needed. I hope he begins to feel better soon, but it is a long, long journey and it totally sucks!

lexusolsen

shandorfml2 said:

and, @lexusolsen I'm glad your H is getting help, but remember it has only been three months since loosing Ben. intense grief can look a lot like clinical depression/PTSD, but this is normal, especially only at 3 months out. At three months out I'd still occasionally need to leave work because of break downs, weekly sobbing fits, despair, anger and depression. If it really is impeding his ability to function on a basic level, then yes seeking help is needed. I hope he begins to feel better soon, but it is a long, long journey and it totally sucks!

Yeah that makes sense. My husband's grief is more complicated than mine since we lost Ben as a result of a car accident. My husband was driving so he feels like he is responsible for Ben's death.

LyndseyTS

@shandorfml2‌ They don't really know (which is the most frustrating part). It's not an "open and closed case" based on my symptoms. E.g. if it was retained products, I should have almost certainly had an infection by four months out (chills, fever, etc.), but nothing...just serious blood loss and passing clots. I've had three ultrasound and the doctor said that the back wall of my uterus looks "weird". Couldn't confirm or rule out retained placenta/products. They looked at the possibility of GTD but *seem* to have now ruled that out because my beta hcg levels keep coming back clear. The other (albeit unlikely) option is cancer. The odds are low, but I think you can understand how little odds mean to me these days. The D&C could have cleared things up IF it was retained products and for some reason my body didn't react except to keep bleeding. They should know more next week (our holiday is Tuesday, so I won't hear anything until Wednesday at the earliest). The doctor said that they would look at everything they pulled out. Thanks for caring! @lexusolsen‌ That would be really tough. Thinking you and your husband, but glad that you've finally got some "answers".

jocie28

I wanted to answer the QOTW...tonight my hubby came along to grief group. It was just the 2 of us with the chaplain. It was amazing. This week leading up to it he was negative about going (maybe being a typical tough guy) but when he got there he opened up, cried, and learned some things. The chaplain gave lots of good examples from books & science regarding how differently our brains work, how differently we grieve, process everything, etc. I would highly recommend attending a session with your partner if possible.