Anxiety

TJ1979

Am I the only one who has anxiety about baby dying? If she sleeps a long time, I wonder if she's dead. If I look at her in her carseat in the mirror, and her head is tilted funny, I wonder if she's dead. If she gets quiet mid-cry, I wonder if she's dead.
It's not like a paralyzing anxiety, I don't have to pull over and check on her immediately. It's more like a morbid anxiety. And I have poked her or woken her up several times bc I couldn't see her chest moving.
Am I crazy?

imoverit

Nope nit crazy. I had severe PPA with DS. I thought if i walked with him on the sidewalk he would fall and and die. If i bathed him i thought he might drown. If he slept too long I thought he was dead. So you are not the only one but I will say that I dont think its normal that we feel that way. I would definitely talk to your dr. I waited to long to do so and the death thoughts got worse. Hugs. Its not easy to feel this way. Its exhausting and scary.

kaf7

You're not alone but I agree about talking to your doctor about it so someone else is helping keep tabs on it. I check on LO to ensure he is breathing each night before I go to bed, but I am also on anxiety meds, and it was worse when I was off of them.

Ruthie04

Holy cow- my PPA was awful. I was often fearful of something happening to DH too. So much so, that I had him text me throughout the day to make sure he was still alive. And, I had a hard time leaving the room without having a visual on the twins. I was even scared to drive with them because of the fear that they were actually dead- not asleep- in their car seats and I couldn't poke them to make sure they were okay. It drastically improved once I weaned, which confirmed my suspicions of hormone related mood issues. During IVF, I'd freak when my estrogen was low, and I assume the BFing made me feel this way as well. It's awful.

If you feel like the anxiety is keeping you from feeling joy or truly impacting your daily activities, I'd definitely call the doc. A little anxiety is totally normal, but it can get scary fast. Hugs, mama!!

kbeach82

I definitely remember having a lot of the same thoughts after giving birth. It was worse after the twins. I agree with Imoverit that it is not necessarily normal, and certainly not healthy. I would definitely recommend talking to at least your OB about it. Antidepression/anti-anxiety meds made a huge difference for me. I'm not saying that's what you need, but they are an option if you do. ((Hugs)) It can be very scary. Please ask for help if you think you need it.

TJ1979

Hmm. Ok. I was hoping y'all were going to say "yep, normal!" I see my OB soon, so I will mention it. I had some trouble with anxiety meds in college and swore I would never take them again. I have had issues with anxiety off and on in my life. Stupid anxiety!

PhillyJ33

I am experiencing the same. I just had a conversation with my friend that didn't go through IF about it. She said she had the same experience. Although it was awkward to bring it up, it helped me to talk about it and made me feel more normal!
I poke DS all the time...

sunflowermama42212

I'm glad I'm not alone in this. If H cries in the car and then stops I think he stopped breathing. Or if he is sleeping I have to touch his belly to make sure he is breathing and if I still have anxiety I'll just wake him up. He sleeps in a co sleeper attached to my bed and I get horrible sleep because I am constantly watching him. If he looks to peaceful I get scared he is dead.

I'm not sure though for me if it's really anxiety or the fear of SIDS. Everyone talks about SIDS so much that I can't help but get paranoid. I have kept myself from buying a Snuza because I think the false alarms would give me a heart attack but maybe that could help with some of the anxiety for you. ::hugs::

TJ1979

Thanks @PhillyJ33‌! This post actually did prompt me to discuss it with mh. He said he does occasionally get those thoughts as well. It did feel better getting it out there, even though it was awkward to say.

PhillyJ33

@TJ1979‌ glad to hear you could confide in him! It's scary

CarrieB.

Intrusive thoughts can be very disturbing. If they aren't so bad, meditation can be really helpful!!! Excercising, time outdoors, acupuncture and just realizing you are having intrusive thoughts and redirecting to positive thoughts are all good methods too.

Good luck! I definitely get some PPA intrusive thoughts too, but so far it's just been annoying. With DD1, it was worse and my acupuncturist did some regular treatments to help with it.

CarrieB.

And to define what way worse was- I was having severe chest pain, acid reflux and stomach issues constantly because I was so anxious and I couldn't stop obssessing about my old job, which was very traumatic. This was about two months after I started my new job and I was weaning DD1, so my hormones were crazy.

ccam

I still check DS every night before I go to bed to make sure he's breathing and I'm sure I'll do the same for the next one.  It's easier now that he's older, but I totally get it when they're that little.  Like @MishaBelle521 said, for me, I think it was the fear of SIDs.  It scared the crap out of me!

Mnerani

Is that the ONLY thing you worry about? To this day, I still go in to check on DS before I go to bed and I always touch him to see if he's breathing. And of course, I have occasional thoughts about how devastating it would be to lose him. I consider that normal mom stuff. But if it's more than that, or if it's constant and interfering with your normal thoughts, I think it's definitely something to talk to your doc about. 

srveatch

To me this seems normal. I had the same thoughts after A was born. She slept in my room until she was 6 months old and I often woke and poked. Lol... New way of using that phrase. I had the same thoughts in the car and pretty much anytime she wasn't on me and I could feel her breathing. While it interfered with my sleep sometimes I didn't consider meds to deal with the anxiety because of side effects and I knew it was temporary. My husband was also a great support. He would assure me everything was going to be alright.

auntjessy

Normal.  And it gets better.    For the first few weeks I was a wreck. 

pb_bride

I too think it is pretty normal, @TJ1979, when we're talking about a newborn.  And the fact that it isn't really affecting your life, I think it's okay.  Both DH & I were definitely worried about M for the first 4-6 months.  I remember DH would put his finger below M's nose to make sure he was breathing.  I also had a couple of nightmares in which I had left M behind in the car and he was close to dying from heat.  I think once the little baby gets bigger, some of these fears subside.

ETA: I want to say that I'm not minimizing PPA and I'm sure it was a horrible ordeal to go through for those who did get PPA/PPD.  But based on your post, @TJ1979, it doesn't sound like what you are feeling is out of the "norm."  If you find yourself obsessing over it and it is affecting your life (which doesn't sound like that, based on your post), then definitely talk it over with a professional.  

mcgeeva

Totally normal! I go through stages of this. For me it actually helped me to move DS#2 out of my room so I didn't freak out at every noise he made at night. I feel like some things fade with time. Although my new biggest fear is from watching that video on children dying in cars. I cried my eyes out., Now nervous as hell DH could do that or anyone for that matter. 

Roxie5739

Wow, I could have posted all the posts above. I have severe anxiety issues, a lot about DS but a lot about DH's crazy family. Mostly though it is if I die what will happen to DS being brought up by DH and his crazy family (all my family is in Australia). I spoke to my reg Dr about this yesterday and he was not too concerned but I did not get into details. He suggested some acupuncture to manage it naturally so I am looking into that now.

TJ1979

Thanks for sharing your stories girls. I'm so sorry so many of us have had anxiety issues. I'm glad I talked to mh about it. I don't think my anxiety is to a point I need help, but mh and I know what to watch for now.
I'm so glad I have you ladies!!