False Hopes. BFN Again.

MoreTacosPlease

This month was our second Clomid cycle. The first one went along like clockwork, timing-wise, with three possible follicles and exact timing with Ovidrel and nothing. This month, when I went in for the ultrasound, the RE decided to wait to two days to trigger to give the follicles more growing time. My cycle is always insanely regular and with the first Clomid cycle, it stayed that way. This month, I spotted four days early (in a weird orange color), and was so sure that it was implantation bleeding when it stopped. I POAS when I was a day late and got a negative, but was still hopeful. Nope. Two days later, BFN. And of course I'm also on a business trip out of town so I can't exactly crawl onto my couch and hide. 

We only have one more donor vial left before we have to decide whether to go into debt to keep trying to make this happen. It's one of those days where I feel like I wasted my whole life up until now and should have started trying to have a baby at 22 instead of going to grad school. I know it comes with the territory, but I'm just feeling wiped out and really bummed. We had decided that this month's strange timing for the IUI might be our "lucky" weird timing. My RE says there's nothing obvious preventing it from happening (other than that I feel like I'm 100 years old today in egg years).

Apologies for the mopey post. I just feel like I'm on a deadline and keep "failing" every single month. I know 5 months isn't much compared to what some people go through, but since we started off with an RE and IUI's, it feels like it should be automatic- science is on our side and all and I'm blood-worked and ultra sounded for exact timing....

Ugh. I haven't even passed on the bad news yet- I called home earlier but didn't want to cry and ruin the call. Womp womp. I'm taking July off since I have a work trip right in the middle of my cycle, so I'm hoping that being off the Clomid/ Progesterone, etc. for a month will make next time a little more normal and at least not get our hopes up when it's nothing.   

meredithcarole

Sorry this month didn't work

KirstenAlecia

So sorry! Crossing fingers for next time.

kindershlitz

That sucks. Fx for next round

BeckyP005

Oh no I'm sorry. I really wish $ didn't have to play a factor into all of this. Sending you big hugs and praying the next cycle is the one. Are you at Magee or RHS?

kelley72

So sorry!  Just a small offering of comfort here

lgsdesigner

I am very, very sorry. Thinking of you.

Lesliem0901

I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you.

bumpuser10258960

(child mentioned)

I'm so sorry to hear that. I agree with @BeckyP005 and wish that money wasn't a factor in these decisions. I too sort of feel like I waited too long (in my case to have #2) because I knew things with my ex were volatile for awhile and should have left him a lot sooner than I did. I wish I met my now DH 10 years ago!

C_Girlie

Sorry bout the bfn, hang in there fx that next cycle will be the one

hooligans4

Sorry this wasn't your month. I hope going a month with no meds does your body good.

tlc35

I'm sorry.  I also feel like I waited too long and it is really stressful.

Davie813

I'm so sorry.  I just finished my 6th cycle of perfect timing and bfn, so I understand the increasing disappointment.  I also understand the feeling that you waited too long; I feel like that sometimes, too.

I guess another way to look at it is that all the stuff you did instead of getting pregnant at 22 (going to grad school, meeting your partner...) is going to make you an awesome parent when you are successful.  Which I'm sure you will be--37 is young around these parts!

I am sorry about the financial part.  FX this is your cycle and it never becomes an issue!

TAT2MAMI

I am so so sorry about your BFN. I know it feels like such a let down! Praying that you get your BFP soon!

MoreTacosPlease

BeckyP005 I'm at Magee. It's closer to our house, but I've also heard good things about RHS. 

MoreTacosPlease

Thanks all for your kind words. A few days has helped to ease a little of the worst of the disappointment. Stiff upper lip and all that... plus I superstitiously think it'll never work if I beat myself up about it. What a cycle!

URMySunshine77

I'm sorry that I did not respond early. Thinking of you and hoping that the next one is your BFP.