Negative body image

Kristil2014

Now that we have found out that we are having a baby girl, I am completely freaked out about passing on to her my negative body image.

When I was younger I was over weight. I thought very low of myself for a long time. It wasn't until later in my teens that I felt like I wasn't the fat girl anymore.

Before I got pregnant I felt pretty good about myself. I was exercing and eating pretty good. I felt comfortable in my own skin. For the first time in 20 years.

Now I am just hoping a more pronounced bump appears soon so I don't feel like the fat girl once again.

So... My question is.. How do I not pass down this stupid negatively on to my daughter. How do teach her that she is beautiful no matter what. (Cause I apparently didn't get that memo when I was younger.)

Thanks

PineApple85

Hugs to you mama!  I personally never had body image issues, but I have insecurity in other areas (I have serious anxiety every time I post on here, for example, I'm a naturally shy person, even online).  I would say fake it 'til you make it?  That's what I do when handling social situations that make me uncomfortable.

BuffaloGal75

I am no expert on this by any means, but I think it is a good start that you are aware and thinking about it.  As females, no matter what your body type I think a lot of us have suffered from poor self and body image at one time or another.  I think being positive and keeping the goal of letting her know she is beautiful no matter what at the forefront is a great! 

mommymeg143

You're her mommy and will be her best friend.  She will look up to you more than anyone else in the entire world.  As long as you tell her and show her that she is beautiful each and every day, she will grow up to think that no matter what!! 

I had a friend in school who was overweight due to medical reasons.  Her mom was AMAZING through everything.   When anyone would say negative things to her during school she would go home to her mom and tell her.   Her mom would take her to the this little store in our town and buy her "strawberry lip gloss" or something else to make her feel pretty.   She did this every time something negative happened.  She would reinforce with a postive and tell her that she was beautiful.  My friend entered high school with a high self esteem and that is the way everyone viewed her.   The comments stopped in elementary school because of the way she carried herself.   Her mom had a lot to do with that and so can you. 

absolutelymaybe

The fact that you're thinking about it tells me you are off the a good start.

I'm wondering the same thing. I grew up with a mom who had body issues. We were always on trendy diets (and I was overweight) and it eventually turned into a hardcore eating disorder in middle school and relapsed again in college.

My plan is to model a healthy lifestyle with exercise and eating GOOD foods. I've been pretty good about not vocalizing any body image concerns, but I've started working on DH because he gets pretty down on his "fat days." I want to ban the phrase "I feel fat" from his vocabulary, but we're still working on that.

PineApple85

kyliedaniellexx said:

I have struggled my entire life with body image too and feel the same way you do. I think all we can do as mothers is enforce positive body images as best we can. Compliment her often on who she is, not how she looks. Explain to her early on that the media's portrayal of women is not accurate or healthy in any way. Don't let her watch tv alone...watch it with her so she has someone to talk to about how she feels about the things she sees. I say early on because there are now documented cases of girls with eating disorders as young as 5... it's heartbreaking. Also remember it's just as much her father's responsibility to enforce these positive images with her. The way he treats women is the way she will expect men to treat her. Hugs, you'll do just fine

This.  I don't know how I got out without body image issues as my Dad has a very unhealthy expectation of women's bodies.  He actually told me that all women are capable of having a six pack, they just have to work for it.  At my fittest (I was a competitive swimmer), I had an 11% BMI, working out for 6 to 8 hours a day (I could literally do sit ups/crunches for hours and not fatigue) and I never had a six pack.  He's very quick to point out to anyone when they've gained weight.  I hate watching the effect it has on my mother, who has lifelong struggled with weight. (She's actually status-post gastric-bypass and used to be morbidly obese).

I'll also add to PPs comment - that are much more helpful that my original response - that focusing on positives is a great way to do it.  If/when she feels bad about one thing - her body, her hair, whatever - shift the conversation to how funny she is, or smart, or what a great leader she is.

terberell

The fact that you are even concerned about this for your daughter shows that you are already a huge step ahead in the awesome mom department :-) I agree with PP's that it is so important to provide your daughter with positive reinforcement about how beautiful she is on the inside first. Guide the focus of her self confidence to be her intelligence, her kindness, her spirit.

Your daughter will naturally look to you as the most beautiful woman she's ever seen so I think it's really important to avoid making self deprecating comments about yourself in front of her. Teach her that beauty is about self love and show her that by believing that YOU are beautiful!

JustJainey

I struggle with body image too and have been finding that my negative self talk has increased as I gain weight being pregnant - even though I *know* it is healthy. I hope to be able to diminish this so that I can model a more positive body image to my LO. I'm also looking forward to being active with the LO and making our focus healthy activity and fuel (food) for that purpose.

moroccojade

I have hated my thighs since I was TWO YEARS OLD.  They were bigger than the other girls' thighs.  (I was the only 2 year old in my age 3-4 ballet class.  Of course my toddler thighs were chunkier than the preschoolers'!)  I have had issues ever since. 

My daughter, on the other hand, thinks her body is the most awesome thing on earth.  It dances... does gymnastics... it is strong and lean and fantastic.  She dances in front of the mirror in her underwear commenting on how great she looks.  

Vain?

WHO CARES.  I am thrilled.  She did not inherit my crap.  And I plan on keeping it that way.  I don't think I have done anything too terribly special.  I have really worked hard at not giving her food issues.....  and so far so good. 

Kristil2014

Thanks everyone! I will reply more tonight

jess123456

I would also recommend not criticizing your own weight or appearance in front of her and setting an example for a healthy lifestyle for her. Complimenting her for more than beauty is also great. I think the fact that you are aware of it is wonderful. I imagine it will make you even more aware of how to set a good example for her.

Kristil2014

Thankful you all for your wonderful advice.

I am glad I am not alone thinking this way.

I just want to instill the power of self confidence in this little girl. I want her to take this world and make it everything she wants it to be and more.

I couldn't agree more @ClrkKntismyAE‌. I remember my best friend had this kind of attention when we were young. She at the time thought it was amazing, but it did take a toll on her in her first real relationships.

I should have added in my first post that I was very much amazed at the young ages that some of our board lost their virginities. I definitely don't judge anyone for their choices, but I don't know if I could handle my 13 yr old having sex. I didn't add my story to that thread, but was 19 when I lost mine and I wish that I could have taken it back. It was not the best situation and it should not have happened. But stupid lust and the wrong kind of compliments fooled me. I am just thankful that I never got pregnant or caught any nasty STD.

Sorry... I kinda went off on a tangent there.

Thank you for letting me get out all my thoughts. You are all awesome

DoubleUp8

I have actually found pregnancy to be a good exercise in not letting yourself give in to negative body image. To know your weight is going up. To have clothing getting tighter or no longer fit. Normally, those were things that would upset me. I have begun to focus on the positive things I am doing. I can still go for a good walk. I am making healthy food choices when I cook, etc.

I want myself to remember the positive view I took during my pregnancy and continue that to maintaining a healthy life after pregnancy. I am having a boy, but I think it is equally important for me to model good self-image to him because I never want him to help perpetuate the stereotypes of what female beauty is. I want him to know strong, confident women are beautiful in any shape or size.

ejpetey

You all may have seen this already but seems timely given this thread:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/jessica-n-turner/moms-put-on-that-swimsuit_b_5521937.html

missnacholover

I say fake it until you make it.  And remind yourself that your daughter will be a sponge - she will absorb everything you say and do.  So lead by example.  Don't criticize yourself in front of her, eat healthy, be active, etc.  Ask yourself, "would I want my daughter talking about herself this way?"

I think it's great that you are so aware!

As a sidenote - I feel like we are in the midst of a "turn" in Hollywood.  I'm seeing more and more "normal sized" actresses landing lead roles. This makes me happy.  You can be beautiful and be a size 12, or have big breasts and curves (Christina Hendricks is HOT).  I'm hoping by the time our kids are aware of Hollywood stars, the standards of beauty will have become a little more reasonable.

Kimy20

ejpetey I was totally going to suggest that article as well.  Just read it myself yesterday, and it certainly helps put things in perspective.  

Kristil2014

@ejpetey‌ thank you for posting the article.