Loss check in

shandorfml2

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby(ies) colors, scents, music etc..?

shandorfml2

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Hmm. I don't think so

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Continue to be healthy. Get through July 7th, when I found out I was pregnant with Ana in 2012. I was 100% sure I'd be holding my rainbow by now.

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby(ies) colors, scents, music etc..? Classic winnie the pooh (her nursery) pink, yellow and purple. Baby pink roses, butterflies. The scent of roses and baby shampoo.

kflynn81

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Well I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. If anything I'm trying to work on not letting it take hold of me as I know it so easily can.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Trying to find some positivity in things, its so tough to do...suggestions welcome, lol

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby(ies) colors, scents, music etc..? Two songs are big for me and Jack. The first is "Hey Jude".... I'm not a Beatles fan at. all. but for some reason when I was pregnant with Jack , I'd randomly wake up with "Hey Jude" stuck in my head. After he was gone, if I was in the car and getting especially upset without fail I'd turn a channel and that song would be on the radio....almost like he was saying, its ok momma.  The other song is "Don't Let Me Be Lonely" by The Band Perry. I love to sing and I would sing that song to him allllllll the time and called it "Jack's favorite song". While I was singing I would tell him to listen closely because he was getting future American Idol training. Again after he was gone, I was at home alone and upset and singing that song out loud for the first time since he left and when I looked outside there was a beautiful pink and blue shaped cloud in the shape of a baby. So neat.

lexusolsen

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I wrote a litter to get Ben's baskets distributed somewhere. I will send the letters to different outreach programs in our area (like the food bank, churches, etc) and hopefully someone will want to give them out.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I really need to get back on track on with ww. I want to be at least back to my pre-pregnancy weight when we try again next year.

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby(ies) colors, scents, music etc..?

I have been having weird flashbacks lately. The week before we lost Ben I took my students on a field trip. We drove by some of the spots today on our way to go to the aquarium for dd's birthday. It made me so sad.

I was reading dd my favorite children's book last week and broke down. I had envisioned reading it to both of them. It's still just her. I guess I could read it to him. I talk to him and kiss his urn hello and goodnight.

dadalou

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? DH and I went to the Stillbirth Summit today. I didn't get a chance to talk to many people, but it was so nice to meet new people and not have to worry about what to say. Everyone had either lost a baby or was a relative or someone who had. There were lots of tears, but it was good. I think it was good for us to go.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? No new goals. Still working on being healthy and exercising every day.

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby(ies) colors, scents, music etc..? It seems everything reminds me of him in some way. Polka dots and monkeys and lime green are bigs ones.

jocie28

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No, I wasn't able to make it to grief group Thursday so that bummed me out. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Lose the baby weight. We joined a gym. I just have to stick with it & eat healthier. 

QOTW: We called the baby "Duckie" since we didn't know its gender. We decorated the nursery in ducks. So now anything with ducks reminds me of her. 

 

shandorfml2

@dadalou what type of presentations/work shops were there at the summit?

@jocie28 Sorry that you missed the group ((hugs))

CherryPicked

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

I went to a support group and released a balloon for Caroline with my husband.  Being around people who get it was helpful.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  

Still working up to a full week at work - maybe this week is the week.

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby(ies) colors, scents, music etc..? 

Pink, flowers, and sunshine.

dadalou

@shandorfml2 The conference had all kinds of different researchers presenting about stillbirth. Most of them had lost a child, for some it was a grandchild. They were from all over the world. There were presentations about the benefits of exercise in healing after a loss, how grandparents and children deal with grief, the role of online support groups, the effects on the next pregnancy. 

There was a lot of stuff for hospital staff and counselors about how to deal with the patient that has lost a child - how to deliver the news, listen to them, have empathy. There was also a workshop that I went to about writing through grief. That was what there was on Saturday, the day we were there. The conference was also Thursday and Friday. A lot of that was research on why stillbirth happens, importance of counting kicks, possible ways to prevent it from happening. There was also a private screening of Return to Zero Friday night. The director and his wife (Sean and Kiley Hamish) were there to discuss the film afterwards.

There was also a memorial service, balloon release, and a BBQ at the end.

ikrystal

shandorfml2 Thanks for posting the check in!  I'll be thinking of you on the 7th

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Eh, not really.  Bought the boys a candle to go under their pictures in our master bedroom.  I am thinking of putting together a Chicago Suburbs support group for baby loss. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Honestly, I have no idea.  I really want to do something special on August 31st, the day we found out we were pregnant with Conner and Ben.  I think we may do a lantern release. 

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby(ies) colors, scents, music etc..? Puppies and sports (their nursery theme), red and blue (nursery colors), green and orange (colors that my MIL picked for the boys, since she felt bad only giving one of them blue things), the smell of the lotion the nurses put on them which is now fading from memory, and the song "Godspeed" by the Dixie Chicks (played at their memorial, and it holds so much meaning for us).  Good Lord now I think I'm going to go eat my feelings away. 

SandyEggo5

***siggy***

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

We hung a nice shelf in our bedroom for our son. On it, we have his urn and 3 gifts we were given in remembrance of him. It feels nice that we have a special place for him at home.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

We plan to add special things to his shelf. I have ordered a customized wooden baby block and we are waiting for our NILMDTS photos. I will frame 1 or 2 and add them to the shelf. The shelf has many areas to display things and also has little slots. We are thinking of putting all the cards we received in the slots. I'd also like to frame the saying that's in my siggy and display that as well. I'm looking forward to seeing it finished.

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby(ies) colors, scents, music etc..? 

***living child mentioned***

My daughter reminds me of him. He looked JUST like her. And scent. I don't think I'll ever forget his scent. Meaning when I think about him, I think of holding him and touching him and trying to remember everything about him. His scent comes back to me so powerfully.

AshersMom11

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I am working making a memory box to put all the things we were sent home from the hospital with. They gave us everything in a cardboard box and I would like to have something a little sturdier.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I would like to get back to my PP weight before we start trying again. I lost about 35 pounds before we got pregnant and have gained 10 lbs of it back.  Yesterday a lady at work (didn't know about my pregnancy or loss) said "You better be careful, you look like you've been putting weight back on." I wanted to throat punch her, but I just turned around and walked back to my office and cried.

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby(ies) colors, scents, music etc..? There were a few lullabys that I would sing to my belly when pregnant.  

lexusolsen

@AshersMom11‌ I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. People can be so thoughtless.

@SandyEggo5‌ we have Ben's pictures spread throughout the house. I'm so glad to hear that you have pictures and a place for your baby. I think it helps me, even though it makes me sad, to know they will always have a place in our homes and our hearts.

@kderoy‌ good luck with work! I hope everything goes as easily as possible.

sarabeth2013

So, I just found out today that I am going through a miscarriage.  My hcg was only 68 this past Friday at 4w6d and today they fell to 60 so my OB said I was having one.  I have an US tomorrow to verify, but I am still reeling from the info and not fully done processing.  I have so many questions about what happens next. I am 36 was having mild spotting every couple days but not much and not even all day and mild cramping but was told at first not to worry.  And then that dreaded call this afternoon on my drive home.

After TTC for 2 years it just hurts - this was first pregnancy in that period

shandorfml2

@sarabeth2013 I am so sorry for your loss. You are welcome to post here, but this board is primarily for those who have had late pregnancy loss, still birth or the loss of an infant. There is a miscarriage board with ladies who have gone through what you are going through. (((hugs))))

elmindreda

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

I've started a blog where I can write whatever I want. I know that people probably haven't been reading it, but it's really just a place that I can journal to work through things.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

Well, I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety. So I guess my goal is to acknowledge the anxiety and try to move past it. The last couple weeks it has been taking over my life and making me very worried and depressed. The only thing I really can do is to distract myself, talk to people, and work to do normal things like washing dishes and folding laundry. 

QOTW: What reminds you of your baby colors, scents, music etc..? 

The scent of her memory box takes me back to the hospital. It doesn't necessarily remind me of her, but it points out that she was real and I really have gone through this awful thing almost two months ago. When my husband puts his head on my lap and snuggles with me, I'm reminded of those nights when he was snuggling up to my belly. He would talk to her and sing her a special song.