Memorial?

SandyEggo5

Considering the circumstances, DH and I were able to spend a good amount of time with our son in the hospital. During this time, we held him, loved him, bathed him, sang to him, cried for him, and eventually said our goodbyes. 

We are at peace with the goodbye that we had. However, I understand that the rest of our family wasn't able to say goodbye. We have been asked if there is going to be a memorial. DH and I are fairly new to our area and don't belong to a church yet. My parents and possibly brother are coming to visit in July. I thought it would be a nice time to have a memorial, if we do have one.

I'm stuck as to what to and don't necessarily want to do a memorial at this time. Is that horrible of me?

However, I'd still like to honor my family (and my son) with a chance for them to say goodbye. I know we aren't the only ones who lost him.

Any suggestions on what I should do? I know I have to do what feels right for me, but I'm not totally against the idea. I'm just not sure of how to plan a memorial without the help of a church. Also, we don't plan to stay in the area for very long, so planting a tree in his honor wouldn't be the right thing for us. And I like the idea of releasing balloons, but I can't get past the negative effects it on the environment. I feel like my options are limited…any advice would be greatly appreciated.

ikrystal

aragosta said:

.....siggy waning.....

 

We are not affiliated with a church either.  A local funeral home let us have a short memorial service there for our son.  They also offered a pastor for a small fee.  If you want, I can PM you about charities that pay for funerals for children as well.  Just another option. 

Really what it sounds like you want though is a small reception?  Perhaps a chance for everyone to get together and just remember.  That certainly doesn't need a pastor!  You could have some folks to your house, or if your family is willing to host for you (ours did).  You could just offer to let people talk about him, etc. 

I hope that helps and that you find something that works for you.  ((hugs))

I agree. We weren't going to do a memorial at first for our boys, but when the funeral home brought it up we thought more about it.  We ended up doing it at my husband's church, but the funeral home should do a nice job for you.  Hugs and love to you.

shandorfml2

Do what feels right. You don't need a pastor, or a church. You could do something small in your backyard if you wanted. Some people do lantern releases as opposed to balloons. Or, you could make a donation in your son's name. At my daughter's funeral we went around and talked about the gifts Ana had given us....brought us closer together as a family, made me a mother. You could even release butterflies.

lexusolsen

We had a memorial service at our church. We haven't been back for mass since.

I know the mortuary we used for Ben does offer to host memorial services. It was around a thousand dollars.

We don't plan to live in this home forever. We considered a small tree (dwarf) in a pot or wine barrel. We decided to do a garden. But the plants are potted and the ground is covered in rocks. That way, we can take them with us. We used a tonka truck as one planter.

What about bubbles? Or paper lanterns?

Making these decisions is so tough. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Maybe Joleisa

I was just looking at these the other day: https://www.wishlantern.com/White-Eco-Wish-Lantern-Five-Pack_p_32.html Whatever you and your family do will be a wonderful remembrance.

BoraBoraBaby

Ticker


We didn't want a service either at first, but then when family asked, we changed our minds. We ended up going through my childhood church and paid a very small fee for it, and opened up to family and friends.

We were surprised at how many people showed up. It was a very hard day and it was hard leading up to it, but it was so comforting to have so much support and to know how many lives our baby touched.

Good luck. Do what feels best for you two, mommy and daddy. And if it helps, you could ask yourself what you think your son may have wanted. That was how my DH proposed things ---he'd know I would have no regrets if we did something the way we thought our baby would've wanted us to do it. For example we released a dove. I'm not totally into those things but we think our daughter would want us to make a big deal over her, so we didn't hesitate.

jocie28

We paid $150 to have a little memorial at the funeral home by our house. My husband & I each read a poem, his mom read a poem, we said a few words & my brother sang a song. It was immediate family only. We all went out for lunch afterwards. Do only what you want to do. You have enough to deal with right now so don't put the added pressure on yourself. I wanted ours immediate family only so I didn't feel like I had to be a host & thank people for coming.

Xath

Maybe Joleisa said:

I was just looking at these the other day: https://www.wishlantern.com/White-Eco-Wish-Lantern-Five-Pack_p_32.html Whatever you and your family do will be a wonderful remembrance.

***ticker***

I wanted to do these for my daughter, but they're illegal in my state and all of the surrounding states.  Just FYI before you get your heart set on them like I did.