spanking (my poll making skills suck)

MrsLillyG

I'm just curious if there is a correlation...

eta poll failed sorry!

not sure why some of the answers got cut off but it should be:

1. 1980-2000, <100k, will spank

2. 1980-2000, <100k, will not spank

3. 1980-2000, >100k, will spank

4. 1980-2000, >100k, will not spank

5. 1960-1980, <100k, will spank

6. 1960-1980, <100k, will not spank

7. 1960-1980, >100k, will spank

8. 1960-1980, >100k, will not spank

9. ss

JamieK1882

Some of the answers are the same

missnacholover

YES, ok.  I let DH spank me.  GOSH.

MrsLillyG

mrsmechanic1 said:

I'm just wondering what you think household income has to do with spanking vs. not spanking?

I read an article that said lower income families tend to spank more because they have less means to punish... ie taking away a phone.  just curious if there would be similar results for the bmb.

lisaren

Hahahaha @missnacholover‌

mander82

our household income is less than $100 k,  not much less though.

We will spank when and if necessary.        I don't plan on spoiling my child with electronic gadgets that can be taken away for punishment.   Once they are old enough to do chores for money,  they can save their money and buy their own gadgets.   

They will have learning tools for electronics,  like Leapfrogs.....ha ha!   Maybe I will push my child to read books instead of watch TV and play with an Ipad.    

I am hoping my kid will go outside and play like I did when I was a kid.   I might be dreaming here though....  

MrsLillyG

mander82 said:

our household income is less than $100 k,  not much less though.

We will spank when and if necessary.        I don't plan on spoiling my child with electronic gadgets that can be taken away for punishment.   Once they are old enough to do chores for money,  they can save their money and buy their own gadgets.   

They will have learning tools for electronics,  like Leapfrogs.....ha ha!   Maybe I will push my child to read books instead of watch TV and play with an Ipad.    

I am hoping my kid will go outside and play like I did when I was a kid.   I might be dreaming here though....  

I mean the money thing isn't just gadgets... People with higher incomes also have the means to sign their kids up for different activities that cost money.

mrsmechanic1 said:

MrsLillyG said:

mrsmechanic1 said:

I'm just wondering what you think household income has to do with spanking vs. not spanking?

I read an article that said lower income families tend to spank more because they have less means to punish... ie taking away a phone.  just curious if there would be similar results for the bmb.

How about posting the article and asking for discussion about it instead of just posting a blind poll with no explanation?  Or post the article, poll, and look for discussion.  It just seemed like a really weird topic to post.

I will try to find the link.  Sorry, by posting the poll  I though that would open it up for discussion too... and I like numbers...

eta  some people don't want to tell the internet about their household income

missnacholover

Heh.  I'll answer (minus the income part because that's no one's bidness). 

We will spank.  In extreme circumstances.  Not like when Jr. isn't listening to mommy.  We'll be using time-out and other methods (grounding, taking away shit) before spanking.  I think I was spanked like 3x in my life and turned out OK.  The threat of being spanked really made me get my ass in line. 

I remember my mom's favorite punishment would be to make my sister and sit in the powder room and write papers about "why I love my sister" until we could get along.

I love this:

abbyful

Our household income is $100K+, DH and I both have college degrees. We will spank our kids.

It won't be the first level of punishment, or a common punishment, but IMO there are times/situations when it is appropriate.

So far, the most severe punishment we've had to do is time-out or taking away a toy.

mander82

Maybe it would have more to do with how much money we had growing up.....as opposed to how much money we make now.  I grew up dirt poor and we got beat when we were bad.   If my dad didn't kick our asses for sneaking out in the middle of the night and laying stop signs across highways, I would probably be in jail right now.  I have seen young kids at my place of employment come in here and have no work ethic, self discipline,  or respect for others.   I don't want my child to grow up being a self centered snotty shit for brains.  I want them to know the value of a dollar.  I don't want them to be a self entitled brat that thinks life is easy.  

Pretty sure I am getting off topic here....ha ha.

lizgrace03

Is having a household income less than $100k really low income? Ours is, and I don't feel like we are low income at all.

I don't think we will spank.

lisaren

Not discussing our income, but we do not spank. My children range from 17-6 yrs old and I've never used spanking as a form of discipline. I have smacked their hands (with the exception of kali, she is cognitively that of a newborn)
I use redirection and timeouts.
With the teenagers I now can take away car keys!!! That gets their attention quick!

I was also not spanked as a child. My ex husband- father to the teenagers was spanked and my husband now was spanked. Mutually we decided as raising our children that was not an option for us.

MrsLillyG

I was spanked, my husband was not. We are millennials and have an income over 100k.  We have a much higher income than what my parents had and they are obviously not as young as me. 

I just think that spanking is not what happens in the real world, so I do not get why parents resort to it.   Although I would probably rather get spanked than fired from my job for effing up something. 

Bandia12

The fuck?

So yea.. I'm pretty sure my income (which is no one's business) would not influence my decision to spank no matter what.

Do I spank my child? Yes I do.

zamboni00

missnacholover said:

YES, ok.  I let DH spank me.  GOSH.

This is exactly what I thought of, after reading the 'wildest fantasy' thread.

Anyway, I was spanked once or twice. So was H. We ate trying not to set any rules that are absolute for situations we haven't faced yet, so I would say we are undecided. I would try a number of other things first, but I won't say never.

mamaluzi

I was not spanked as a child, and neither was hubby. We will not spank, as I don't see the point - your boss doesn't spank you when you're late for work, the police don't spank you when you get pulled over, etc. However, YOU feel bad about having done something bad, and you make yourself feel awful for doing something wrong/getting caught for fear of getting in trouble (ie, ticket for pissing off the po-po, fired for pissing off boss, etc.) - the power of guilt in both my and hubby's families was alive and well through our childhoods (and even now)! IMHO, nothing makes kids own up quicker and avoid misbehavior more than the fear of disappointing mom/dad (so long as you gain the kids' respect first, of course). I also just don't think that spanking for punishment teaches kids appropriate ways to deal with unwanted behaviors - model what you want your kids to do, ya know? Don't want them hitting others because you hit them sometimes - just my opinion

We will use redirection, time-outs, and positive reinforcement, etc. (as well as a healthy dose of guilt on the side ). Also, I'm a teacher, and not only does this technique work really well, but it teaches kids specifically WHY they should treat others well/do the right thing/behave, etc: https://www.cuppacocoa.com/a-better-way-to-say-sorry/

lizgrace03

mrsmechanic1 said:

lizgrace03 said:

Is having a household income less than $100k really low income? Ours is, and I don't feel like we are low income at all. I don't think we will spank.

This is exactly my next thought.  Different parts of the country warrant different definitions of "low income".  I live in one of the lowest COL states in the US.  My $100K will go a lot further than someone who lives in California, for instance.  There's more to be said than just a random number pulled out of a hat.

That and the fact that, as a grad student (which is really why our income is not higher), I work with people who are actually low income as part of my assistantship working with community organizations.  I can't call myself low income when I see what they face--worries like not being able to pay rent, can't afford books for kids schools etc.  I guess it's all relative, because comparing low-income Americans to the rural poor in less developed countries makes the Americans look rich.

lizgrace03

@excitedpreggo12, I think you're cool.

mamaluzi

excitedpreggo12 said:

I thought the numbers thing in the poll was an accident... so are you trying to correlate discipline levels with monetary social class? As in, rich people don't use spanking as a means of discipline vs. poor people beat their children? Or am I reading too much into it? I guess I would need that article link to understand... Will I spank? I'll let you know in a few years after I'm no longer a FTM and can see what type of discipline works best for my family. LO will hopefully only need death-stares. But I don't know him or her. Time out could work. Maybe a swat if s/he endangers themself. And the term spanking is relative to the person doing it. Some slap hands, I've seen belts, twigs from tree branches, one pop on the butt ( like my 3rd grade teacher did to me once), and/ or an actual abusive beating with punches... so that would have to be explained too.

Agreed - my dad used to lightly swat us on the back of the head if we did something REALLY stupid, but it never was to hurt us, it was just to take us off guard/embarrass us into thinking about what we just did lol. And he only did it, like, 3 times in my life so it never hurt, but was ALWAYS a surprise and ALWAYS embarrassing, thus working like a charm. I wouldn't consider this, or hand slapping, "spanking" - more like just a warning with a shock factor - but I also wouldn't consider a full-out beating "spanking," either (that's just abuse). My idea of "spanking" is more like over the knee, a few slaps to the bum (not meant to be hard enough to leave a mark like a twig or a belt would, but still intended to inflict some pain), over. But everyone is different - this should be clarified.

moroccojade

We have a good income (which doesn't mean that much in our super HCOL area, though.    )

And we do not spank.  Offering choices and redirection worked amazingly well for us.  Physical punishment doesn't solve any problems in our opinion.  If I piss DH off I don't want him hitting me under any circumstances ever.  Why in the world would we want to hit a defenseless child?  What does it accomplish?   ("See honey, this is how we solve our problems!  We hit those we love the most!")

There were times when I was exhausted and felt my blood boiling when my daughter would do certain things as a toddler or preschooler.  That is when **I** would take a timeout to breathe and get my shit together and start parenting her in a way that helped her through her little spells.  Rather than smacking her into submission. 

(Forgive me, I have some strong opinions about this for our family.)

lisaren

Yeah, interesting article.

Butanyways.... My mom was a single mom working 3 jobs and was dirt ass poor. We did not get spanked. Maybe she was too tired, but regardless I find the article to be very generalized.

I need more information. Where were these studies done? How long ago? The time span used? Who were the targeted audiences and was it by visuals or questionnaires?

lizzielu82

I want to be spanked but DH won't do it (

lizgrace03

kyliedaniellexx said:

Is this the article?

https://www.slate.com/articles/arts/everyday_economics/2002/12/beat_on_the_brat.html

"Poverty breeds frustration, and frustrated parents lash out at their kids."

Fuck that writer. Fuck him so hard.

These pop economists irritate me.  It reminds me a little of the high/low income and baby naming discussion in Freakonomics.  I think a lot of these writers really overgeneralize and try to water things down for a general audience, when they are really very complex issues in reality.  

runningmama14

I was spanked as a child, so was DH; I was probably on the receiving end far more often than he was though. Neither feel we have any ill effects from it.

Through foster care, we've parented a lot of children, none of which we ever spanked. It's against the rules.

Going forward with bio kids, I'm guessing that there will be times we utilize spanking, but probably less than we would have if we hadn't been foster parents first.

creativesoul83

I am a ftm and plan to spank if necessary. My income doesnt affect my decision my child's actions will determine punishment.

My parents made really good money well over $100k. let me tell you buddy boy did they spank! pingpong paddles, yard sticks, switches, belts, rulers their hands whatever got the point across. I got smart and didn't get in trouble to avoid it after realizing what got me on that situations. My brothers were head strong and kept getting in trouble parents tried everything, counseling, soap in the mouth taking away video games or going to practices. (never games because wasnt fair to teammates) we all turned out fine my wildest brother who got in the midst trouble is a phenomenal father to his kids.

I don't believe people with "lower income" are more likely to spank!! That to me is like saying they are miserable and take it out on their kids. My in-laws have one small income and get government assistant and never! never spank their kids or really discipline.

I feel most people parent morelike they were raised and the income part is just bullshit!
I have know alot of low income families who are so much happier than higher income. Money is not everything!

lisaren

My boys, who are older, know I'm done... When I give them a look. They will tell you "moms hit the wall with that look"
My daughter, she is my wild card. She listens but she gets realllll close to pushing that button with me then she'll do as I say. She's been the harder child to discipline. Not sure if it's because she's a girl of the baby or what. She's super cute too.. Hahahaha

silverwings72

I don't see husband and I spanking. I was spanked a few times. I found it shameful and I never forgave my dad- I was about 9 and 11 years old. I was completely capable of holding a conversation about my behavior (i think I didn't clean my room and I yelled at my mom). I was a pretty sensitive kid, so disappointing my parents or making them angry was upsetting enough for me. I feel spanking me was belittling and uncalled for.

Edit- I just wanted to clarify my dad pulled down my pants and spanked me on the ass with his hand. I still don't understand why parents find it necessary to spank a naked ass?? Seriously, wtf?

Sunshinehippymama

Well as far as income we definitely make less than $100k yearly, but Im working on that lol and as for spankings, we do and will spank, but ONLY when entirely necessary when all else has failed. As for now I've found that as soon as I start counting my LO runs as fast as he can to do what ever it is or fix what ever it is I have told him to or to stop doing blah blah you know how it goes So we very rarely have to spank and its never hard either, more like love pats on diaper but that hurt his feelings more than anything. 

lisaren

kyliedaniellexx said:

@lisaren‌ oh yeah, I know that look. My mom never spanked me but if I got that look you bet your ass I was fucking scared.

Yep. I don't even know the look but they know it. My husband days I stick my chin out and squint my eyes and talk with my mouth clenched. Hahahaha

But my kids are really very well behaved. I'm big on please and thank you's and yes ma'am no ma'am. Excuse me and you're welcome.

Jan1214

I'm a FTM, so I don't have experience, but at this point, I don't plan to spank my child. My mom spanked me a couple of times, and I'm not scarred by it. My dad never spanked me. On the other hand, MH's parents spanked him all the time with a belt or a switch. Eventually it had the opposite effect: he misbehaved more to spite his parents. He is now completely against spanking. He sees that his relationship with his parents was based on fear. It took him a long time to have a healthy understanding of how to deal with people in authority, and he got himself into trouble along the way because of it.

moroccojade

Jan1214 said:

I'm a FTM, so I don't have experience, but at this point, I don't plan to spank my child. My mom spanked me a couple of times, and I'm not scarred by it. My dad never spanked me. On the other hand, MH's parents spanked him all the time with a belt or a switch. Eventually it had the opposite effect: he misbehaved more to spite his parents. He is now completely against spanking. He sees that his relationship with his parents was based on fear. It took him a long time to have a healthy understanding of how to deal with people in authority, and he got himself into trouble along the way because of it.

@Jan1214. Your poor husband.  That makes me want to freaking cry.

Lilwatz

So, I'll preface this by saying that I have not decided on spanking or not--I lean toward not.  I also have no intention of sharing my income on the internet in a poll.  Having said that...

I agree that if you want to know if income does affect the decision to spank or not, polling people and learning about income and decision is one way to do it (given an appropriate sample size and sampling system).  So I get why the poll, but still am not going to participate.

Also, I don't really understand the argument of society won't spank adults so I shouldn't spank kids.  Society is not responsible for raising them to become members of society, parents are.  Also, adults in the workforce have a more mature understanding of consequences.  Again, not saying spanking is the only way to raise children, simply saying I don't get that argument.

montella1064

missnacholover said:

YES, ok.  I let DH spank me.  GOSH.

Thank goodness I'm not the only one who immediately thought this poll was sexual!

Jan1214

@moroccojade‌ - Thanks. I've definitely shed some tears because of it.

JustJainey

I was spanked as a child by both parents and so was DH. DH feels his experience was corrective and I feel my experience just taught me that neither one of my parents was in control of themselves, the situation or me (which was incredibly scary). My step-father was very abusive and spanking was the least of my worries. I never understood how my mother condoned spanking, as she was raised in a home that did not believe in spanking at all (which was rather progressive for the times) I know because I later lived with my maternal grandparents and through their example was taught that there are many alternative measures of addressing behaviour than through the use of corporal punishment. 

I do not plan to spank this LO and have never spanked nor condoned the spanking of my step children (this would have only ever applied to the youngest, who is now also an adult)  I think they are all pretty well adjusted young adults who are less entitled than some and maybe more than others.  Probably pretty average for their generation. 

I find the attempt to make a correlation between income and the use of corporal punishment to be too simplistic and somewhat offensive.  I also agree that the term spanking does not denote the real differences between an appropriate use of force and child maltreatment, which at least in Ontario is defined by law.

SarahHeck

I guess I'm destitute and didn't even know it!

I guess I'm with the crowd that uses "spanking" as a last resort. We don't really believe in it and avoid it like crazy, but I'll admit I have done it once (By spanking I mean fully clothed with my hand on the butt one time). My daughter was going through a phase of running away from me (sometimes in parking lots). She thought it was funny and I had talked to her several times and she had been put on time out a couple times, none of which got through to her so I gave her a swat, not enough to hurt her even, but it let her know I was serious and she never did it again. I'd rather her get a swat from me than run over by a vehicle.

Sarahbeth612

I won't get too much into this subject because every responsible caring parent has their own beliefs and structure for their child. But it is wrong as hell and drives me BSC when out shopping and a kid throws a bit of a tantrum and suddenly they're being wailed on in public, screaming. That is abuse, not discipline, and I've witnessed it so many times

Nfranco973

missnacholover said:

YES, ok.  I let DH spank me.  GOSH.

Ooh kinky ! I lIke lol

Nfranco973

I don't spank. I don't have to cuz I give the the crazy look lol
They know better [-(
I take away phones, computers, toys, etc
When they were small I lightly smacked hands and time out.

Kristy774

I'm a SAHM but DH brings in over 100+ and fine, yes, I wish he would spank me, he's totally not in to it but I wish he would. Oh wait, this should have gone on the sexual fantasies post. Damn.

Sarahbeth612

FhSTAR81 said:

Sarahbeth612 said:

I won't get too much into this subject because every responsible caring parent has their own beliefs and structure for their child. But it is wrong as hell and drives me BSC when out shopping and a kid throws a bit of a tantrum and suddenly they're being wailed on in public, screaming. That is abuse, not discipline, and I've witnessed it so many times

I have put my child in a time out in random places in stores when she acts up. You should see the looks I get.

I'm a fan of time outs, for all involved