AH: appointment today (long vent)

StacyLH24

Well, I got my first in a series of green lights for IVF today. The plan continues to be starting stims on 7/4 along with diluted HCG and then adding ganirelix in at some point.

The ute measurement, mock transfer and saline could have been better. He didn't find anything, so that was good. He was having a difficult time getting a clear picture though and had to press extra hard with the transvag wand. As usual I also needed a different speculum and my cervix wasn't in the greatest position so that took some
manipulating.

End result...green light but a lot of pain . We went shopping after and I had horrible cramping about 20-30 minutes after we left. I ended up sweating and thought I was going to pass out because it hurt so bad. I'm feeling better now, but my ute area is still sore/tender and I'm still bloated.

As a result of my sweating and pain attack, I may have bought clothes that I'm not 100% happy with because I at least semi liked them and wanted to get out of the store quickly. My plan is to try them on again when I'm feeling better and return anything necessary. Old Navy definitely benefited from my crappy day.

We haven't even gotten to stimming yet and I'm already over this whole process of TTC. I'm tired of having my body feel like crap. I'm tired of having speculums and wands shoved up my vagina and having them moved all around to get that perfect view of my cervix and ovaries and ute.

I know it will get worse before it will gets better. I know the only way out is through. I know that pregnancy and birth will bring on a whole new set of physical issues. I know it will be worth it if we get a take home baby.

I'm not giving up, just having a rough day. I look forward to a day when my ute area no longer feels like crap...which may never happen thanks to endo. At least there won't be any poking or prodding though.

On the upside, I got to meet the RE who will be doing all of my monitoring, ER and ET. I like him just as much as my RE, so that was good. I was a little sad it wouldn't be my RE, but we both feel completely comfortable with this one.

Thanks for "listening". I just needed to get it out.

ball.and.chain

Boo for a crappy day and a painful appointment...but yay for a green light!  Hope you are feeling better today.

trisholio

Ugh, that does sound like a miserable experience.  I hope you are feeling better now and the actual procedure goes better.  Do your best to take care of yourself for a few day :-)

JGY

Sending hugs! 

wishiwaspreggo

You need to treat yo'self!  Do something nice and relaxing.  That's how I self-sooth after a horrible experience.

I feel ya on wanting your body to feel normal again.  My progesterone symptoms are absolutely awful this cycle.  Worse than usual I wince when I roll over in bed because of my breast pain and it wakes me up a couple times.  They're also swollen so I look obscene (at least I feel like I do) so I'm wearing loose shirts so no one notices.  My appetite has been insatiable, I'm exhausted, and my whole damned body hurts.

You know what helps with that, though?  Getting in the pool.  My boobs float so that takes the pressure off them, and my joints don't have to flex so that feels good too.  I just need to sit in a pool for the next week or so, unless I'm by some miracle pregnant in which case I should sit in the pool for the next 8 months lol...

Ever seen that video with the old arthritic dog and the man who holds him in the lake so he can float and sleep?  That's sort of how it feels for me, too.  Pretty sad.  I hate that this process puts us through so much.

And I winced at the ute stabbing.  I know how that feels.  Uuuuuugh, not fun at all!  I'm glad you have the green light, though!  You're right, the only way out is through so keep on chugging along and think of the end result.  IVF works for many, many women and this very well could be the last time you have to put your body through hell. 

2MamazInSeattle

Ug! Poor you. This whole process is HARD on your body. You are well within your rights to feel tired and sick of it, at any point - because it is exhausting the whole way through. And while yes, it will be worth it, it's still ok to acknowledge the suckiness of any stage of the game.

You are right - the only way out is through - and I will say I am so excited you are doing IVF, and I am so completely hopeful and truly hoping it works. Hang in there. One day at a time is a great approach .

StacyLH24

Thanks for all of the good thoughts. I had a little cry last night just from feeling overwhelmed and a bit traumatized from all of this. Really, from everything over the past year. It has been building up for a while.

I very rarely use the word trauma in my own life as I have seen so much in other's lives. That is how I felt yesterday after our appointment though. When I saw the shiny metal speculum on the tray yesterday, I just thought "for real? Can we stop putting things into my vagina for a while?" It's not like I didn't know that was going to happen. I'm pretty familiar with the process by all means. Just getting tired of it is all. There are many more wandings to come though!

My next therapy appointment is a week from today, so this will give me something to process through with him at the very least. After all, I think he should earn every dollar of those 50 minutes

ATXmommas

Oy, Stacy, it's been a long, tough journey. You're a warrior and I just hope this means you and C are that much closer to bringing home your baby. Big hugs!

ball.and.chain

StacyLH24 said:

When I saw the shiny metal speculum on the tray yesterday, I just thought "for real? Can we stop putting things into my vagina for a while?" It's not like I didn't know that was going to happen. I'm pretty familiar with the process by all means. Just getting tired of it is all. There are many more wandings to come though!

IVF no doubt holds plenty more wandings, but I will tell you that if (when!!!) you get pregnant, your vagina will actually get a break for a while.  After 2.5 years of fertility treatments, I was surprised at how little action mine has seen in the OB's office.  Once I graduated from the RE, all u/s were abdominal.  I think I had an internal exam at my first OB appointment and then nothing until cervical checks.  Something else to look forward to!