Having a hard time with older sibling

catsinawindow

I know there was a thread about this a few pages back, but was hoping to elicit some concrete ideas of what is working/not working for people now that more babies have made their appearances.

As many others have mentioned in the previous thread, my 3 year old DS has been a hellion since his little sister arrived.  It wasn't so bad for the first 2 days because my dad was here to distract him, but since he left DS's behavior has gone from bad to worse.  It's not directed at DD (thank god!) he's actually very engaged and interested in her, but he's definitely directing a lot of anger at me and DH.  Everything's a fight:  meals, bedtime, keeping the house clean, activities, etc.  Almost all of his words/actions seem to be planned to get a negative reaction from me or DH.

I keep going back and forth between thinking that he's having a really tough week and we need to cut him some slack (pick my battles) and thinking that we need to stand firm and expect the same level of behavior/discipline him like we normally would.  How are other STM+ dealing with older sibling difficulties?  Are you cutting them slack or standing firm?

snowpants

OMG YES. I could have written your post practically word for word. DD1 did great the first couple days but is now a whole different kid. The whining! The fighting! The temper tantrums! Ugh. The battles about eve.ry.thing are driving me nuts. She's also having some major potty training regression which is delightful. She's very loving towards and interested in DD2 but it's a whole different story with DH and I. Right now we're trying hard to keep her on schedule and keep things as "normal" and consistent as possible. We're also each trying to have plenty of one-on-one time with her but that's easier for DH than for me. And we're trying to stay firm and consistent with our expectations...I do believe in picking your battles but I think it's a slippery slope to make a lot of exceptions right now when our family is going through such a big change and I want her to know the rules are still the rules. No judgment if others do it differently, this is just what I think/hope/pray will be best for us.

And speaking of think/hope/pray... Here's hoping it's a short-lived phase for all of us!

misscarter87

Im having the same issue with my older LO

purtz

Right there with you ladies. We are three weeks in tomorrow and it is getting better. We were too relaxed at first and are trying to go back and enforce the rules. Good luck everyone- this too will pass!

Brookerose978

Oh my yes, in the same boat. My 2 year old DS is doing the exact same thing. It is very frustrating, as he was not like this before baby brother arrived. I don't have any advice as I am needing some too!

karing2

My son is 3 and is having the same issues. Especially at bedtime and while I am nursing. The ped said it may take month for it to get better. We are on week 3. Hopefully it will be better soon.

SecondTimeinMSU

It was definitely rough the first month. He isn't perfect but it is more traditional 3 year old behavior than OMG my hair is going grey. A lot was time but it did help to lay down that the rules were still the rules, I was a little too understanding in the beginning. We also worked to up the one on one time and just heap on the praise for any good behavior. It is hard since I feel I devote a ton of time to feeding and pumping but we are having more good days than bad days.

nunzchucks

Stay consistent! We were having issues and the only thing that helped us is not giving in. We are also making an effort to over celebrate good behavior. Right now, if DD puts away a toy, it is a huge fiesta here.

catsinawindow

Thanks everyone for the advice and commiseration.  It sounds like I've probably been cutting him too much slack and need to firm up on my expectations and discipline.  Already trying to heap on the love/praise when he's being good, but there are definately times of day when it's hard to muster up the praise being he is just being so difficult.

Also good to hear from mommies who have had outside babies longer that there is an end in sight.  Hope this gets easier for all of us.  It's honestly more frustrating than a newborn at this point!

MrsCase1

Right there with ya!

Lindsleigh77

This thread freaks me out! But some good advice ladies.....I'm probably most nervous about this, other than the birthing portion that is and the sore vaj