Help me be a b***h

eg214

Okay so lawyer says I should email him pics and updates and this and this. So...here is some of what I'm thinking. What are your opinions?

A.) Send him a standard cute picture and be like, "I don't know why you haven't seen your kid or why you've decided not to support her, send a pack of diapers, anything...but just a reminder that the door is open, just as it's always been"...blah blah. That way it is another example in writing that I've always had the door open and he's chosen not to see her....and that I've said it again...

B. His birthday is Saturday. Send him a pic of LO with a sign that says Happy Birthday Daddy or Happy Birthday Daddy Where Are You? or some shit..in hopes this ruins his birthday.

C.) Send a pic and generic "We're doing great. Thanks for asking" smart ass remark.

D.) None of the above. Ignore my attorney.

I really want to go off on his ignorant ass but we all know that's not a good idea. Regardless, I'm sending him something on his birthday. I hope it fucks his whole day. 

eg214

HAHA! Nice. Thanks! I know, she's 4.5 months!

B was my bitchy wishful thinking. I don't want to come off as sweet like sugar and like I am being nice because that's walk all over me ex wife stuff. I've not let him control me and it's what is making him bonkers. Not sure what to say. So pissed I even need to do this.

freeatlast2014

I vote for E as well. Don't give him ammo. Receiving the picture on his bday should make him feel shitty enough.

tig594

You know, I really don't understand your situation at all.  Why on earth are you being made to jump through hoops for a guy who has shown zero interest in your kid and didn't even bother to come see her when you were in the same state.  WTF?  If I were you I'd ignore your attorney but that's just me.  Why does he need pics and updates on a child he couldn't care less about?

jellybean529

It looks good on paper if one parent makes an attempt to keep the other appraised of what his child is up to.

I think you just send him pictures with a description of what's going on. "DD eating breakfast." "DD at the park". Generic stuff like that. Don't put anything else in there...keep the emotion out and just go by the facts.

OneBlessedMumma

My 2 cents worth send up dates but just stick to the facts eg picture of child with a heading "eating yogurt" and nothing else.
You need to avoid anything that can be twisted or incorrectly interpreted, if your too nice the judge see's room for a relationship to be built, too snarky , passive aggressive, aggressive, sarcastic it's going to look like you contribute to the non contact issue and tension.
You need to be the bigger person and stay factual it hard with so much emotion and the knowledge that its them and not you who is the issue but it's the end result that counts, who won the war not the individual battles!!!!!
You need to be cold and calculated to protect both your hearts x
I've read you previous posts and you are doing an amazing job! You are so strong and have the best support!
I agree this guy should not have so much push for a man who hasn't even met his baby, but the law isn't about grey areas only black and white, DNA wise his child he has rights
Just keep showing how he turned it all down and you were never a negative in the situation
I'm no expert and emotions are hard to keep in check but seriously remember you want to win the war, never just a battle

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EmeraldCity84

I do this with BD, send updates and developmental info ONLY.  Like a business relationship. Shows effort on your part. Also, I try to tell myself it bothers him more that I refuse to engage in drama/passive aggressiveness. (Be the bigger person.)

eg214

Thanks all. I really DO NOT want to do this, but I think what I've decided is I will email him a pic or two tomorrow and just say "The door has always been open, it remains open." And end it there. I may have to include some info about her ID card bc blah blah need him to do something within the next 2 weeks. I think I will not send him pictures again until she sits, crawls, eats food, etc. Major milestones. That way they are few and far between but have a point, so it can't be ammunition and asked of me, "Why didn't you send more?" "Because I only did it when she was making major milestones." blah blah.

SMH

eg214

Okay. I did the above, less the ID part. I'll send another email about that another time.

I've surmised that I'm going to have to do this esp if I want sole legal custody. I have to prove that I will still keep him in the loop if I'm awarded that which judges don't like to do apparently. Time to accept I've got to spend the next 18 years of my life dealing with this asshole.

freeatlast2014

I want sole legal so badly and my lawyer is like good luck kid! You can spend 3k and try to fight for it and still lose.

inthelost

"A" would be by "bitchy" choice. Lol. But i probably realy couldn't do it. I like what @Lurchbaby suggested

eg214

It's mind blowing that if he never sees her, he can still have joint legal custody. HUH? How the frick does that work? Hey ass, so I'm thinking of putting her in private school. Even tho you've never seen her, what say you? HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH? Like hell. I don't get it.

freeatlast2014

My attorney says that since the kids are with me it will be my choice cause what is he going to do about it anyway?!?

MinnesotaMomma91

Unfortunatly ds bd still has some legal custody with bentley just because they share dna. But the extent of his legal custody is being able to throw temper tantrums in court. Which he hasnt done because he has no shits to give about bentley and thank god

tig594

Wow. I appreciate more now that the judge gave me full legal/physical custody of DD without being asked.

eg214

Still not a peep from him. What a sham.