You knew you were done having babies when...

shellylovelee

I really don't know where to post this... I am not pregnant, nor are we TTC. I recently posted about my fear of not seeing my babes grow into adulthood. I care about your opinion on these boards the most - moms 35+ - so I'm posting this question here. My DH and I are considering him getting a vasectomy. I am 40 he is 45, we have a 2 1/2 DS and a 16 mos DD. He also has two teenage daughters from a precious marriage (non custodial). DH is soooo d.o.n.e. Financial, logistical, age issues are his very valid reasons. I agree with him that it would be tough. Very tough. And we are tired. Soooooo tired. I am torn. Part of me thinks these two babes make a sweet little completeness to our family. We've even gotten rid of baby stuff already. The other part of me wants one more. My head feels done, my body feels done, but my heart wants one more. How did/will you make the decision? (Sorry...mobile version won't display my paragraph returns)

NicoleWI

I don't know. I didn't really "know." We are overwhelmed already. I am 39 and DH is 41. I also worry about age and not seeing kids as far into adulthood as I would like. I worried about taking on risks again with another pregnancy and baby--opening the door again to all kinds of issues. I didn't really want to go through infancy and breastfeeding again and kind of hold us back from other things. Plus the expenses. So my head also said I should be done. At the same time, I just wasn't sure I was "done," and I kept kind of hoping to accidentally get pregnant (which was crazy). I kept thinking that four in the long term would be really cool. I kept wondering if we would later regret not having tried to have four. So, we decided to give it a crazy shot in April so that I would deliver just before 40, and it worked! I'm scared and also excited and just keep thinking that this baby is meant to be. I KNOW that this is my max, so I do KNOW now that we will be done (unless we had some kind of crazy accident)! I was really on the fence, though. I was a tough decision and we didn't really all the way "decide." I KNEW with number three that I absolutely was 100% sure about trying again but this time was much more "are we crazy? I don't know what to do!" Meanwhile the clock was ticking. Good luck, whatever you decide.

shellylovelee

This was such a great reply. Thank you for sharing it!!

Mrs.McIrish

I can't "just" decide to have another baby. We used donor eggs and it took 4 tries with that and more $ than most people could fathom. It's been 4 years that we've been trying for these babies. I will be thrilled to get them home in November and that will be it for our family. It will be more than I could have ever hoped for.

Tapsalteerie

We are done after this one. I had DD at 31. I'm 35 now. Both pregnancies have been extremely hard on my body and I'm feeling it more with this one. I probably could have been one and done but DH wanted a second and I love watching DD interact with younger kids. I think she will be an incredible big sister. I also have a brother and having him in my life has proven to be very important to me. We really helped each other cope with the loss of our father and helping our mother after. Something a sibling can really only understand. I want DD to have that support system as well.

That being said, I could not put my family through another pregnancy. We spent years building a plan to make it through this one with as little stress as possible.

wildflower75

I have a 15 mos old and will give birth in November, my DH is 44 and I am 39. And unless we win the lotto we are done. I didn't have huge complications with my pregancnies but I will be having a RCS so my body, my age, the age of DH and money are a huge factor. If we win the lotto before November then I'll try for one more next year.

kelley72

Lurker... all I can say is when I'm 95 will I regret having had another child if I'm blessed to do so? no I think not... until the time that I feel completely done which I have heard many other mother's say they feel then I will not do anything to close the door.