UPDATE IN OP Bridal shower invite awkwardness WDYT?

ILoveBoys

So I got a bridal shower invite today for my husbands cousin. I have so many feels about this (awkward/confused/a little hurt) but not sure if I should. I kind of don't want to go.....WDYT?

1. The shower's in 2 weeks.
2. Both have been married before, they're both adults and living on their own, with children.
3. We apparently are not invited to the wedding since the date on the registry is July 24. (First I heard of a date)

UPDATE: apparently they're doing a "private ceremony" with just their parents and children.

ILoveBoys

Bonzo2011 said:

If you don't want to go, don't go. No explanation needed when you RSVP.

I wish it was that easy. My MIL is hosting and while she is VERY nice there would be hurt feelings if I didn't have a good reason. It's a small family.

ILoveBoys

Our anniversary is the 8th so I'm hopeful that DH has some plans I don't know about.

studyinpink

Make the anniversary plans for him.

ILoveBoys

@pobrecita‌ yes, and it's in 5 weeks, in a place about 3 hours away.

@TyrannosaurusLex‌ I'm not sure she knows we weren't invited. We haven't talked about the wedding. She is seriously the sweetest person.

MrsT0514

YellowWallpaper12 said:

NellyBluth said:

If I'm not invited to the wedding, don't invite me to the shower.

Yep. I wouldn't go if I wasn't invited to the wedding. I also wouldn't feel obligated to give a reason.


All of this. Inviting someone to the shower, But not the wedding, just seems tacky and gift grabby to me.

Smootchy

is this a shot-gun wedding? 

my guess is you get a baby shower invite in about 7 months. 

Not that it matters, just really seems thrown together. If you don't want to go, don't. Take the family to the zoo that day or something. ...ya know, the trip to the zoo that was planned months ago and you can't get out of. OR you have my 30th bday party to go to. I know you do not know me, nor is it even my bday... But they don't know that. KWIM?

ILoveBoys

I've texted MIL telling her I got the invite. Then asked her if the wedding was his summer bc I hadn't heard anything.

ILoveBoys

@Smootchy‌ - no. They've been engaged for a while, like since last year.

MrsT0514

Ok, well with the new info...I'm still meh about it. Since this is a second marriage for both, and they're already grown with children, iI'm inclined to feel like a shower isnt necessary. But if you want to show love and support, maybe go to the shower, but bring a simple cash gift or a wine gift set? Something simple?

ILoveBoys

@ScoutNumbers05‌ that is the etiquette which is why I was surprised to get the invite for the shower.

LadyXaverian

I just read the update. I really wouldn't go. 

Since it's a private wedding, something more appropriate might have been a bigger family cookout to celebrate after the wedding or something along those lines. Not that it can or will be changed at this point, but again, I would find a reason to not be able to attend.

Smootchy

LadyXaverian said:

I just read the update. I really wouldn't go. 

Since it's a private wedding, something more appropriate might have been a bigger family cookout to celebrate after the wedding or something along those lines. Not that it can or will be changed at this point, but again, I would find a reason to not be able to attend.

everything she said. 

MrsT0514

Yeah, the more I mull this situation over in my head, the more I lean towards no. Honestly, if it were me, I probably would come up with something unavoidable that would create a conflict in attending that shower.

I also agree that the more appropriate optionfor this would have been an at home reception following the ceremony or a family bbq afterwards to celebrate. Not a shower.

ILoveBoys

@HotDiggityDog‌ I love your avatar

I guess this is what happens when you have an aunt (mil) who is so sweet and a bride to be who is kind of oblivious and goes along with what everyone else wants.

Smootchy

you said they live in two separate homes currently? I'll assume they'll being moving in together? Maybe send them a welcoming fruit basket (Edible Arrangement or something) 

KTdidit

Same as everyone else. If I'm not invited to the wedding I won't be attending a shower. Totally inappropriate. I might send a Congrats card in late July though

seahorse102410

Luhdashuh said:

Do you think your mil is just trying to do something nice for this couple to celebrate and doesn't realize calling it a shower makes it seem gift grabby? If the wedding is on a Thursday maybe nobody is invited and they are just doing something small with immediate family members but mil wants be able to have a bigger family celebration? I might try to get more details from mil or somebody else in the family before I replied and got hurt/offended.

This is what I think.  I think (am hoping) she is just happy for them and is having a celebration and doesn't realize.

LucilleAustero

Nope. I might also explain it to MIL and let her know that it is bad form to invite people to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding, tiny itty bitty ceremony notwithstanding.

ILoveBoys

I think I'm not going. I will not, however, be schooling my MIL on etiquette. She's got a good heart and I can GUARANTEE you that anybody else who's been invited doesn't care. I wouldn't have known any better if not for TB.