Being Happy With What You are Given

krissybegs

Almost 6 years ago, my DH and I welcomed a beautiful little boy. We were blessed with him after struggling with infertility and he was conceived through IVF. We are very lucky that our first IVF was a success. We also are financially secure, have a wonderful family and great friends.

So my question is... if everything is so great, why do pregnancy announcements of close friends still cause me to break into tears and become the green-eyed monster? I found out this morning that my son's godparents are expecting their third child and I am a mess. My husband doesn't understand why I still feel this way after all this time and I thought these feelings would decrease over time but they never seem to go away.

I am not sure what advice I am looking for, but thank you for reading.

imoverit

Hugs. You are not alone. The effects of IF will always be there. I dont think its so much about being happy with what you have but more about how hard it was to get your LO in the first place. Completely normal.

efhoping2010

I think IF is a deep wound that somewhat heals, never fully, and leaves a scar.

itsmevkb

I think many times in life, despite our lives being overall quite nice and happy, we mourn what might have been or what we thought would happen.  That's human nature.  All of us probably had a vision for our lives, be it one child, many children, marriage or not, the type of career we would have, etc. and rarely, if ever, do all of our expectations get met and so there is just natural tendency to see other people getting those things we grew up thinking we would also have and being sad about the alternative life we will never have. 

That you recognize how blessed you are is really the antidote for these feelings.  Not that it makes them go away, but it keeps you from developing a bitterness and resentment which would make you a not so happy person not just in the moment, but overall.

krissybegs

Thank you, to everyone, for your kind and thoughtful words.

pb_bride

hugs to you. My own feeling with IF is that the choice of having X number of children is taken away from (some of ) us. I might be happy with just 1 child, but not having the choice of having more than 1 still hurts.

Jenny935

I don't think it goes away. You're not alone, for sure. I find that I don't have the same feelings when people don't take it for granted. When people are grateful and excited, I have an easier time than with the whining about pregnancy symptoms or it being a surprise. (I also have a really hard time with people panicking about how it took a couple months to get pregnant.) I try to be a better person, but I am starting to think it will always sting a little.

Mrs.AmyDylan

I've been struggling a bit too. Now that J is almost 1.5 I keep getting the "when are you having #2?" I keep deflecting, but I wonder the same thing too. We aren't going back to the RE until the end of the year. Until the we keep dodging and praying for a miracle!

Cwhitaker27

@krissybegs‌ I don't have any advice for you but just wanted you to know that it's ok to feel the way you're feeling. When we go through hardships it's ok to mourn them and know sometimes the sting doesn't really go away. **hugs** to you.

Ruthie04

I'm so very sorry you are struggling. I often feel jealous and I'm honestly not sure why. I'm not TTC and I think I'd still have two children had we not needed 12 medicated cycles to get a successful pregnancy. I'm not sure why it hurts to hear announcements. I can only assume it has something to do with anger over other women's bodies working like they are supposed to or because we can't choose how many children we want to bring into our family. I also think I struggle quite a bit with reminders of the darkness associated with those years of my life. But, like PPs, I am hopeful I will feel some relief when I feel my family is complete.

Please know that you aren't alone!!! IF just sucks so much.

Mayzie15

@Happy_Yahoo_Personaler‌ I really couldn't have said this better myself. I agree with all your points listed.