Who to invite to various showers?

lizgrace03

So, my MIL has been planning to have a shower for us for awhile.  It ended up getting rescheduled a few times, but we're having it in September now for sure.  This was because DH's aunt could only come down from upstate NY during two weekends in September and she really wants to be there.  That shower is going to be at my SIL's house which is about 90 minutes outside Charlotte where we live.  

My mom is coming down from Michigan in August and wants to have a shower for me in Charlotte, because she can't come in September.  She's a teacher and can't take a ton of time off work.  Well, she can, but she's taking a week after the baby is born to come hang out.

So my question is, I have been put in charge of inviting people to both of these showers.  Do I invite all of our friends to both?  Make specialized guest lists for each one?  My thought is more of our local friends are going to come to the August shower since it will be in Charlotte.  I'd feel bad if no one came to the September shower.  It also seems weird to invite people to more than one shower.

tl;dr:  How do you determine guest lists for various showers when you family/friend groups basically overlap?  No clue on proper etiquette here.

lizgrace03

kyliedaniellexx said:

I wouldn't expect local friends to travel 90 minutes for a shower. Can you make the August one more tailored towards friends and the September one towards family?

Yeahthe 90 minute thing is tough.  The same thing happened for us with our wedding shower last year.  MIL and SIL had the shower 90 minutes away and some people did travel, but I felt really bad that they had to.  I really don't want to ask them to do it again.  But MIL and SIL always want to have it out there.

My biggest concern is that everyone will come to the August shower and then the September shower will have no one at it except immediate family, which is only about 5-6 people.  It's awkward because people are being nice and throwing a shower so you don't want to tell them what to do but at the same time, I don't want them to put all this effort into something that no one comes to.

freetobekristin

Basing my experience solely off of when we had our bridal showers, I would recommend having a separate guest list for each shower.  People may feel awkward going through the motion a second time and feeling the obligation to buy two gifts.  Maybe DH's family & close friends for his mom's shower & vise versa for your side.  

lizgrace03

WildFlower810 said:

If it gets really sticky maybe enlist a few of your closest friends to show up to both just to help the September shower seem more attended? Tell them to just bring a onesie or re-wrap something they've already gifted you.

Or, here's a different idea, somehow send out one invite for both showers and have people check a box on the rsvp card for which one they're coming to? You never know whose schedules aren't going to accommodate the August shower but who can make it to the September shower. You'd need to word it in such a way that it didn't seem weird, though. Or you could talk to your friends individually and say "hey, both my mom and my MIL are throwing me showers, here are places/times, which one do you want an invite to?" 

Those are great ideas!!!!  Thank you, seriously, so much!!

runningmama14

@wildflower810 is a genius!  You should work for the baby shower board  )

lizgrace03

runningmama14 said:

@wildflower810 is a genius!  You should work for the baby shower board  )

Yeah, I decided not to post this over there.  I honestly don't know if any of my situation is a faux pas and would rather hear it from y'all if so.  

NunyaBennis

That is a great idea @WildFlower810‌ ! On a side note, I hadn't lurked the BS Board for a while & checked in today. Yeaaaahhhhh. Fek the dumb shite. Keep it here @lizgrace03 We'll take good care of you!

lizgrace03

WildFlower810 said:

Which idea is the great one? Glad I could help! Maybe I'll come to y'all when it's my turn to worry about a baby shower that no one has offered to host yet (but someone has hinted at), in a city where I have very few friends. 

I read the baby shower board once. I forgot to put on my pearls and gloves first so I ran away scared.

)

I think I'm going to start by seeing if some of my "old faithful" friends will be willing to come to both.  If they agree, then we'll have maybe 10-15 at the September shower.  That'll probably be better anyway because then MIL won't stress out with too many guests.

Keep us posted on how things are shaping up for you!  More than happy to help if I can!  

KLKilgore

I did two showers for my bridal shower and am doing the same for the baby. I am from NY and currently live in VA. We invited friends and family based on where they live. We invited the people to the shower they live closer to or where I know them from. It worked fine last time.

NunyaBennis

WildFlower810 said:

Which idea is the great one? Glad I could help! Maybe I'll come to y'all when it's my turn to worry about a baby shower that no one has offered to host yet (but someone has hinted at), in a city where I have very few friends. 

I read the baby shower board once. I forgot to put on my pearls and gloves first so I ran away scared.

Great idea: rsvp with preferred date/location

pearls & gloves: Hahahahahahaha!