40 - pregnant again

loveslife

I just turned 40 and found out that I am pregnant with our 2nd child and his third.  Our son is only 16 month old and will be 23 month old when the baby is born and his daughter is 19.  We are still not sure how it happened since we were using protection.  Our son is very high energy and high demand and we chase after him all the time.  I work full time and my commute is over an hour each way.  My husband is not too excited about having another child and to be honest, neither am I.  I am scared that we would not be able to keep up with two kids under 2 year old and our lifestyle was just getting back to normal and now, we will be back to looking after a newborn.  Our son would wake up every hour every every night for the first 6 month so I am dreading sleepless nights again.  We were both zombies for the first 6 month and my husband told me that he just can't do nights again and I would be on my own with the newborn at night (he is the one who used to get up with our son when he was a baby and rock him to sleep at night). At the same time, I am excited to give our son a sibling since his older sister wants nothing to do with him.  This is also a miracle considering our age and the circumstances of how he was conceivedI guess I am just looking for advice from women who have been in this situation.

DTNZ4Ever

Well every baby is different DS1 was a great sleeper and eater and very laid back. DS2 is higher needs took longer to sleep through the night and get on some sort of predictable schedule. So maybe you LO2 would be an easier baby. Also you mentioned that your DH was the one who got up every night with your LO why didn't you guys take turns at night. DH and I would alternate who got up.

ilovemygirls

You know you'll figure it out, but I can totally understand the trepidation. That's tough news when you've actively been preventing & didn't want any more.  It's okay not to be super excited about it- I think that's normal.  While I'm not in your situation, I would honestly freak out if I found out I was pregnant now at 44. Take it one day at a time- you love your 2 year old & will love this baby too. I think excitement will come in time as you progress. 

On a newborn note, my first was a nightmare & my second was a breeze when it came to sleeping. I will wish for a wonderful sleeper for you

Guennie

I haven't been in your situation but I can imagine how scary it seems as I am completely worn out with just one. You are certainly not a bad person for freaking out.

While I also understand your husband's reaction, you guys are a team and you are in this together. You didn't get pregnant all on your own and the responsibilities are not yours to bear alone either. Hopefully as pp mentioned, you can find a way to divide things so both of you can get some sleep. Also, I agree that you never know what little person you are going to get, this baby could be a lot easier.

Do you have family close by to help you out when you need it? Do not be afraid to ask people for help. You need to make sure you take good care of yourself and if that means asking someone to come over so you can take a nap, do it.

You'll get through this and it really will be ok. There must be a reason it happened, this little squishy chose you and you will love him or her with all of your heart. Just take one step at a time. You'll work out all those details. In the meantime, whenever you are scared and freaking out, take some time to talk it out with someone whether that be a friend, a family member or us ladies here on The Bump.

Deep breath mama! Hugs!

HopeAlive3

First of all, congratulations! I don't want you to think that I'm ignoring the concerns you've laid out, but it is good to hear the ways you are able to see the positive side of everything. I know you're such a great mama already, and as soon as you get into the swing of everything after birth, it'll be hard to imagine life without your second little one. ((BIG HUGS))

MommyAtty

Congrats! I'm 40 and just had my second. Mine are 21 months apart. It's rough. But I'm so excited to watch my first become a great big sister. It isn't as rough as I expected it was going to be. To be blunt, as far as your hubby goes, you may want to remind him that it takes two to tango and you weren't dancing by yourself when this little bun in your oven was created! Hugs!

SurpriseAt39

Congrats!!
I just turned 41.
I have 2 boys 15 months apart. (Almost 19 months, and 3 months)

I thought I was not having more children after DD (almost 13 years old).
New marriage...and despite contraceptives, both boys were conceived naturally and were both surprises. I was nearly 3 months pregnant when I found out about DS2.

It's tough, but fun.
I will be abstaining if I get pregnant again though. Lol.

shelley1002

 Congrats!  My boys are 25.5 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way.  It is challenging with 2 but very rewarding.

I'm sure the feelings with change to more excited as the pregnancy progresses and once you get to hold that LO is your arms.  I had days with DS2 where I wasn't excited to be pregnant again but they passed and now I cannot imagine not having him.

And nothing besides abstinence is 100% guaranteed to not get pregnant.  Even vasectomies and tubals are not 100%.

PGwithNo3

Congratulations!  It's normal to have concerns.  the nights are hard!!
Every baby is different and I rec reading & following something like healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby.

GL to you!

WendyShrief

Hey! 42 here with a three year old and a one year old. I work full-time too. It is doable here are my tips: try to get a flex schedule at work for the first 6 months back - I had days when I needed to sleep in to be functional and occasional days when I just had to stay home to rest and stay home with the baby. Do freezer meals and as much advance planning as possible - let some things slide - my house could be cleaner and I should be going to the gym more but I'm doing my best and kids are my priority. You can do it! And my second has been way easier than my first - you never know!

Ilumine

Can I offer a suggestion?  If you are open to pumping and using a bottle or formula feeding, you could always hire a night time nanny.  

My Brother and SIL hired one when they had twins.  The nanny only came M,W,F, with SIL taking Tuesday Nights and Brother taking Thursday nights.  By only having to loose one weeknight and sharing the weekends, they were never really overtired. 

drpayne

Focus on the sibling part of it for now. That's a major plus, especially since you mentioned being tired. The two of them being able to entertain each other with eventually save yiu . Mine are 3 years and 18 months... They are a riot together and I'm happy to not be the primary source of entertainment. Your other concerns are, of course, valid! The first year -18 months is totally crazy but I think there are some big positives here . Congrats!

Reilly626

Wow I hear you! My husband flash back to the first 4 months of newborn phase and don't miss it at all, maybe Bc we were in our late 30's? But we had twins. I think it's nice they will have a close sibling. You will get through it.