Opinions on Schedule

Banana44

I have not been on here for a while, so I will re-introduce.  DH and I have been married 6 years, we have SS (11) DD (5) DD2 (2).  We have 50% custody of SS but have a horrendous, contentious, ridiculously non-communicative relationship with BM (who is not re-married no other children).

We were on a 5-5-2-2 rotation with week-on-week off in the summer (that included a dinner visit).  SS hated the schedule and for 2 years begged for consistent week on week off and SS counselor also encouraged a solid week on week off.

After 2 years of BM refusing, we took it to court back in November. BM agreed to CCES (a counseling system set up by the courts) but then refused to go.  Meanwhile, DH created a new custody order with week on / week off and other modifications and kept trying to work with BM.  In February we move to week on/week off with no dinner visits while BM and DH kept trying to work on the other issues (vacations, birthdays, holidays were the big ones).  There were originally 26 points they disagreed on and we are down to 4.

All along BM has wanted dinner visits but SS and DH have not.  After nearly 7 months of working on the order, we are down to 4 issues, 1 of them being dinner visits.

Since we have not agreed to give BM dinner visits (and just for info - she wants them 1 way - she gets a dinner visit but not DH) BM now demanded that we are going back to old custody order which allows her dinner visits in the summer (but switches our rotation day and the schedule we have agreed on).

Our lawyer is telling us not to go back to the old schedule.  Our lawyer said we have an agreed on schedule that we have been doing for 5 months and 1 party can't just change that.

So here is our problem.  BM is demanding to get SS on Monday.  Lawyer tell us not to give him to her.  We know BM will call the cops and cause huge issues.  I am torn. We think we are going to send SS to the shore with a grandparent so he doesn't have to witness this but we know it will cause a summer of hell from BM.

We have a court date for July to work this out - it was for last week but BM's lawyer requested a continuance.

I know that was a long story - but what are your thoughts?  Listen to the lawyer?

JLHV1909

I would listen to your lawyer.  Overall, he has your legal interests in sight and is not worried about appeasing BM.  As long as you have the custody order, let BM call the cops- just be ready to pull out the standing custody order when someone shows up.  I like the idea of sending the child away so that he doesn't witness any of this drama.  Will you be sending your other children there as well?

ETA- computer apparently hiccuped.  

Banana44

My 2 DDs would be in daycare.  We only had SS until Wednesday - so we didn't sign up for camp for next week - this is why I was going to send him with Grandparents.

And as a sidenote - we are currently on a schedule that was "mostly" agreed upon by BM and DH (and lawyers) but not yet a custody order as it has not been blessed by the courts.

BM is trying to leave our agreement and go back to the last order.  That is what is making me unsure - does she have a leg to stand on even though we have been doing something different for 5 months?

cole2144

Hey Banana, it`s been awhile! I would stick to the new schedule as advised by the lawyer. Have your CO ready and waiting for if the police show up. Good luck!

Mkherren12

It's my understanding that if your not home the cops can't do anything. Is she going to camp outside your house or just show up at a specific time? Depending on that answer I'm with you. Time for some grandma time! Good luck.

Banana44

I guess my main worry is this:

Does the Custody Order trump the agreement we have been following for 5 months?

My guess is only a Judge can decide that.

To answer @Mkherren12 in the past she has parked at the top of our street and waited for movement from our house - then she blocks our cars with her car.  It has happened twice now.  

@Cole2144 - Hi!  How are you?  Hope things are well.  As you can see with us we are now 8 years with court battles and BM never ceases to end her fight.  Tiring and extremely expensive.

Thanks for your answers.

cole2144

I`m so sorry, you are still dealing with this nonsense, we are too. Since neither of us live in Bucks county anymore, BM was able to file to modify the CO in Philly, she wants us to have EOW. She filed bogus claims in an emergency hearing petition which was denied. We go back to court for custody in August. She has stepped up her crazy since I talked to you last and she has also gotten married.

Pamelacake

Where I'm at the cops don't respond to those calls because it is a "civil matter". I agree to have your C/O or attorney's agreement, whichever was last, on hand just in case. GL!