Lack of Support

bowenmom

Hi Ladies,

Hope all is well.  Been absent, but now able to at least get on board while at work.

Been trying to conceive, still no AF, so still no ovulation.

Talking to a family member, and she told me "you're crazy for trying to have a baby after the age of 35".  That it's our fault we're not getting pregnant because we waited until we got "too old".

I was completely stunned.  Never expected that from anyone in our family.  Especially the one who had 13 kids and had to have all of the family's help to assist financially in raising them. 

At first I was furious, then, my self-esteem went, so started thinking she was right...you know how the emotional roller coaster goes.  Just wanted to share.

Keeping on, Keeping on!!!!

Thanks "Bump" Family!

lgsdesigner

My mother told me the same thing. She had me at 20, and had three more kids under the age of 31. So...me being "older" and trying is making her think I'm a complete idiot. Honestly, this is MY life and MY choice, and I can do what I want. You should,too. Have your baby and don't worry about what others think!

TAT2MAMI

Oh no! Don't listen to that nonsense! SO many women are choosing to start having children later on in life these days! That is just an ignorant and old fashioned way of thinking!

hooligans4

I think it is the norm to not have kids until after 35. At the preschool where the kid I sit for goes, half The moms are older than me and I'm 38.
Don't let anyone affect you decisions. It's your life and you are living it as you choose.
Older moms rock!!!!!

NeonNoon

Wow.  Talk about lack of empathy/sympathy.  I'm sorry you had to go through that @bowenmom

I've had many relatives be nasty to me about life choices.  I do my best to not subject myself to them.  I live very far away now and that helps.  I also make a point of not sharing things that matter to me with such people, reserving the meaningful topics for meaningful relationships.

Have the courage of your convictions.  After all, nobody understands your circumstances as well as you do.

Good luck with the ovulation problems!

thirtyninetoforty

I am so sorry you had such a comment!  There are plenty of us over and way over 35 ttc...me, I'm ttc #1 and I am 40.  Don't let it get you down...there is nothing wrong with trying to have a baby late in life.

BeckyP005

35 is still young! What is she smoking? Ignore those people. Good luck to you and you have found a wonderful board to be on

CaraH

13 kids and needed lots of support to raise them. Making snide comments to someone who made different life choices... Honey, this is about her and her insecurity, not you. Ignore her.

KateLouise

I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

If it helps, my Mum had her first at 24, and me, the youngest at 39. So a 15 yr gap between the youngest and oldest, and of course she wasn't young when she had me. My Mum and Dad, are plenty supportive of having babies when babies happen. So you can borrow some of their supportiveness if you like

Plus since when weren't babies a joy, whenever you have them? Some people are just miserable.

kelley72

So sorry you have had negative comments.  Ignore them!  Easier said than done I know, but I would rather focus on support and positive experiences so I choose to do just that.  I wish you well!

Jmaddiso

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with such nastiness!! Especially over something that is a blessing and wonderful!

I too have issues with my family, so you are in good company. My mother had me at 34, so when she found out we were trying she was upset. She said that i am too old to have a child, and i don't really know what i'm in for because i've forgotten how hard a new born is (I have a 15 year old son). While i can understand her point, that's HER! She decided to project her own stuff onto me. My sister did the same. Neither one were thrilled with the idea of me having any more children, and for some reason they both felt it was their place to tell me so and advise against getting pregnant. Like it's their choice? I live across the country from them (for good reason!), and It took me a while to let it go and move on. It's not their choice. It's not their life. It's mine.

I personally wonder if she has some issue inside herself that she's projecting? Here's the thing, my advice...it's YOUR life! No one else is living it for you. You have to do what you feel in your heart to be the right thing. Hopefully you will choose to be happy, whatever that involves, and don't let the negative Nancy's of the world bring your joy down! Everyone deserves to be happy and live a good life. So go do it!! When you get pregnant, enjoy every last second!! Every burp, every emotional experience! It's beautiful!! And you'll be stunning as a mommy-to-be!! The glow will be all around!

(sorry...i probably sound like a total loon, i just know what it's like. These are things i've heard my friends say to me when i told them my own stuff with my family not being on board. Just sharing it. It was good advice.

marijaa333

Ahhh, family, they can say the dumbest things sometimes. My mother is full of gems. I just learned to chalk it up to her own issues and know that she loves me the best way she can at the moment; she certainly dedicated most of her life to giving me a ridiculously happy childhood and a great life, and put up with my explosive, adolescent self, so it's only fair I cut her some slack...

However, it's important not to take these comments personally! As previous posters have mentioned, this is really not about you. She may come around, and if she doesn't, just do your best to dismiss it the way you would their choice of gawd-awful curtains.

bowenmom

Thanks for all of the support.  Which is why I love being a part of this board.
Sorry for all who had to or are enduring the negativity as well.
Never thought about the "projection" issue, but that's probably a big part of it all.
All the same, we are moving forward. 

Love!!!!