Discussing Vaccines with Family/Friends?

Manada

I know this is a potentially controversial topic, and I hope that we can have a friendly, respectful, conversation where everyone feels like others are being heard and listening.

H. and I have been pretty cautiously, and open-eyed, pro-vaccination for our kiddos. I have some concerns -- But I also freely admit that my feelings are totally based on intuition and not any scientific knowledge.

Now, for our family, as we are coming to terms with the very real possibility that we will have preemies -- my "mama-bear" protection side is coming out. Our family doc is recommeding the Pertussis vaccine for me in pregnancy, as well as a booster is generally recommended for anyone who is going to be in close contact with our babies. Flu shots are also highly recommended. I am sure there are more, but this is as far as I have gotten. We will also be perusing prophylactic RSV treatment for the fall/winter if the Rockies qualify for it here.

How do/did you approach this conversation with family and friends? My instincts tell me to start early so that they have lots of time to absorb and make their decisions without it feeling like an ultimatum... But it also feels pretty important so I am not sure where to draw a line without being intrusive on their own personal decisions.

Thoughts?

Jazibel

@Manada, we're on the delayed vaccination path for our kids at the moment, but I completely respect the right and desire to vaccinate to protect ones kids.  I would think that most people would respect your request to get vaccinated if they are going to play regular or significant roles in your kids lives. I would hope that close friends and family would support you in this way. Especially if they're going to be around in those early days before the Rockies are exposed to a larger population, and before they've had a chance to build a stronger immune system for themselves. Am I remembering correctly that you are both going to breastfeed? I would think that would give them additional protection/benefits as they'd have an additional set of antibodies which is great. :-)  I'm not sure if you have the option where you live but I think some doctors will also offer just the Pertussis vaccine rather than the combo of vaccines its usually offered with (Tetanus and Diphtheria).

rkbo

I had never even thought about this. I have never gotten any shots before going to visit friends in the hospital after they gave birth. It was never brought to my attention. But I will say this...The only people that will be seeing my baby for the first little bit will be extremely close family and friends. And I know that if I were asked to get any shots before seeing my close friends babies, I would have zero problem with it. Could you imagine how terrible someone would feel if they got the baby sick? That guilt would probably live with me forever. Want me to get a shot, hell yes, where do I sign up? 

trisholio

We are planning on doing the delayed vaccination schedule with Adalyn.  My wife has not had the Pretusis vaccination and will not get it, she is anti vaccinations all together.  I had the vaccination last year before we started ttc and I am on the fence about getting another one (my obgyn hasn't brought it up).   

My sister is asking that everyone going to be around her son (including myself and my wife) to get vaccinated and it is a hot topic in our family right now.  My wife is very adamant about not getting vaccinations and has the best immune system out of most people I know.  My family doesn't realize this is something she is passionate about and thinks that my wife is just being difficult, so its a little bit of a sore subject.  

All that being said, I think it is a very personal decision and one that should be respected no matter which side you are on.  

ball.and.chain

I was chiefly concerned about the pertussis vaccine; since our baby is due in the summer, flu is not as high a concern as it will be in the fall/winter.  I started out by doing some research into the pertussis vaccine and the reasons why it is recommended by medical and government bodies (in our case, the Centers for Disease Control but I'm sure there is a Canadian equivalent).  I decided I would email my family, and I wanted to lay out those reasons for my family in the email and make sure I had my facts straight.  I also provided links to some CDC web pages that do a pretty good job of explaining everything, so that if my email didn't answer all of their questions (or if they didn't believe me!), they'd have resources at hand to go to.  Basically I wanted to make it as easy as possible for them, since I was asking them to do something for my child.

My family ranges from pro-vacc to super-pro-vacc, so I wasn't concerned about anyone being opposed to it in general, but I was more concerned about misinformation -- e.g., my sister had pertussis less than 10 years ago and had been told that having the actual disease meant you were protected.  According to the CDC, this is not true.

I also tried to give them some information about HOW to get the vaccines, again to make it as easy as possible.  It can be hard to get a convenient appointment with one's PCP sometimes and it's annoying if you have to take off work to go get a vaccine when you aren't due for anything else, so I gave them some names of some clinics where they could have it done.

End result: no one took it badly, and I know my dad has since had his booster.  I need to follow up with the others.  We only contacted close family members whom we knew would be in contact with him in his first few months -- basically my dad, stepmother and sisters, who are local, and my MIL, who is visiting for a week after his birth.  I didn't bother with friends, most of whom I think will just be dropping by briefly here and there (or not at all).  There is a chance we may visit extended family when he is about 2m old but I will cross that bridge when we come to it because I'm not that sure it's even happening.  I would probably be more strict about it if a) he was born during the fall/winter, when these diseases are more prevalent and/or b) if he was a preemie.

Here's the text of the email I sent:

I am getting the Tdap (Tetanus-Diphtheria-Pertussis) vaccine later this month to minimize my chances of passing pertussis on to the baby.  In addition to pregnant women, the CDC also recommends that anyone who will have close contact with an infant should be vaccinated as well, at least two weeks before coming into contact with the infant.  According to the CDC, neither having the vaccine nor having pertussis offers life-long protection (the vaccine is most effective for the first two years and natural infection protects you for a few years), so it is recommended that you get vaccinated anyway unless you have been recently.  Your doctor should be able to tell you whether or not you are up to date.  Babies cannot be vaccinated right away and pertussis can be fatal to them.

More info here and here.

 

If you are not due to see your doctor in the near future, you can get a Tdap vaccine at the CVS Minute Clinic or Walgreens Clinic, and possible Doctors Express.  You might want to check insurance coverage first, as CVS's website lists the Tdap price as $100.

 

Thanks!

2MamazInSeattle

So I used to be anti-vaccine and have made a full 180 to being pro in the last year or two. It's been for a few reasons, but one is that in the past, we had the protection of "the herd" in that everyone did vaccinate so a few defectors didn't really matter from a bigger societal picture. Now, with so many people not vaccinating, we see this resurgence of measels, and lots of other things, because that 'herd' protection is breaking down. Also, though I fear the autism thing, it's not scientifically proven and frankly, everyone vaccinated would be autistic if it was the cause...

In terms of Pertussis, it is a huge issue in the PNW, Seattle in particular has a significantly higher rate than other parts of the country - so we are absolutely vaccinating me during the 3rd tri to 'cover' the baby until she can get her own vaccination. I planned to leverage @ball.and.chain's email with my family, and even offer to pay for it or pay the co-pay for my sisters and mom. I don't expect any resistance from them though at all.

The thing my infertility therapist told me was this - babies who contract it cannot yet cough - so the symptoms are NOT obvious and this is why so many babies die, their parents don't identify it soon enough because the symptoms are not obvious in the way they are for older children or adults. Here is a LINK to our county page, scroll down, and there is a fact sheet for pregnant women which discusses it. She also said (and I'm texting her for this info) she recently went to a talk by a midwife/naturopath who did a scientific study on this and ultimately recommends this vaccine.

For us, it comes down to the worst case scenario - if I was planning my baby's funeral because I didn't get a shot, or asked those primarily around the baby to get the shot - I don't know how I'd live with myself. I know that sounds dramatic, but I grew up in a funeral home and saw many baby funerals, and the worst were when there was something the parents could have done to prevent the death. I know there are scare tactics and I do think that it's a very personal decision, - for me and for us, this isn't a chance we're willing to take.

mwagner25

Ugh, you guys will be the beginning of the flu season with the Rockies being born in the fall. That's how we were with Oliver. We told our family they needed to be vaccinated if they wanted to spend time with Oliver. I work in the Medical field so our family and friends all went and got vaccinated like we asked. If they didn't want to get the vaccine we didn't let them hold Oliver until he was 12 weeks and had some vaccines under his belt. But we are pro-vaccine at our house.

themarquis0

We told everyone who would be spending significant time with DD (just grandparents and aunt/uncle) that they needed pertussis and flu shots to see her.  If they had refused, then fine -- they would not have been visiting DD until she was older and able to be vaccinated herself.  Flu and pertussis kill lots of babies - not something we were going to mess around with. 

If your babies are preemies, even more important.  Preemies are very vulnerable and some people's 'oh boo hoo I'm anti vax, toxins, blah blah' doesn't outweigh your preemies dying from something preventable. I don't personally think you need to overthink this or introduce the idea gently or pussy-foot around the whole asking people to vaccinate thing.  Either they do it or they don't -- either they visit the babies or they don't.  Their choice, your choice.  You are the moms, and this is YOUR decision.