Do you think we can get anything changed?

Pamelacake

Short version of breakdown of visits:

Is there anything we can do? We never know if she is really coming or not.

BM has come to 6/23 available visits.

The first visit being the longest of 3 hours, the shortest being 2 minutes and 10 seconds and while here let us know she wasn't staying because she had other plans.

3 times, saying she was on her way and no call, no show, no response to us asking if she was still coming.

6 no call, no shows on planned visits.

6 last minute cancellations sometimes Friday evening, sometimes Saturday afternoons, two of which was after 1:00pm so I guess they could just be under no call, no show.

2 no call, no show, no response to asking if she's coming.

 

phone calls:

When we answer the phone, we don’t say anything, we just get SD's to get on the phone.

Phone calls normally last about 30 to 50 seconds, between 2 SD's.

BM often yells at SD7 and sometimes even cusses at SD, has also called her names. BM has hung up on SD7 many times as well. sd7 started hanging up on BM which gets blamed on us. BM has even hung up after speaking with SD6 before SD7 gets on the phone. (later said she waited 5 minutes before hanging up, didn't wait 5 seconds). BM has even hung up on SD6 a few times which is kind of shocking.

BM often hangs up as soon as the phone begins to ring. I usually have the SD's call her back and have texted her asking her to please stop playing games. I had SD's call her back on one occasion 3 times before she answered the phone and on one occasion they called her right back and BM didn't answer. 

BM has forwarded a voicemail, no call, to say that she called and she would just have to document that we refused to answer her call. I sent her a text to let her know that I knew what she did and SD's would call her.

BM will call and hang up when the phone is answered.

BM has used her phone time to fight, call names and hang up but not talk to SD's 

BM used her phone time on one occasion to play games with her fiancé.

25 times BM has not called to talk to SD's at all, even when BM has called or sent text messages earlier in that same day. To date, BM has not called SD's in 3 1/2 weeks but we know her phone works b/c BM still sends texts about random things.

I have gone into the room where SD's were on the phone with BM before and BM is yelling about things. SD's have already left the room but BM didn't know that, cussing at DH and I.

I know BM hangs up when the phone begins to ring to make it look like we aren't answering, that's why I have SD's call BM back. It's so disgusting to me that BM would rather play games and make it look like contempt rather than talk to SD's.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you think we will be able to have anything changed? Thanks for reading.

 

Pamelacake

I know this was long, sorry for that. I am just so frustrated. It hurts to see them hurt. Waiting game now, for a response from the attorney.

Belou52579

Wow, that woman sounds like she's abusing drugs or even mentally ill. Is that the case? 

I have no advise-sounds like you are documenting well and also reacting appropriately to her ploys. What a wonderful person she must be in real life.

Ilumine

Time to talk to your lawyer.  

Can you call your phone carrier and see if they can document/track how long or how many rings an incoming call has made before the caller hangs up?  

If they can do that, I would start getting those reports and then give her a month or so.  Then go back to court with the information and ask the judge to limit her incoming calls to a very specific time.  

I would also ask your lawyer about your state laws in recording phone conversations AND THE DIFFERENCE between recording the phone call and recording your SD's reactions to the calls. 

Ie, you are only going to record your SDs on the phone with BM, not the actual conversation (and if BM is so loud that she can be heard over the phone that is on her).  That way you can show the emotional toll it is taking on the two AND the disparity in how she is treating them. 

Pamelacake

Belou52579 said:

Wow, that woman sounds like she's abusing drugs or even mentally ill. Is that the case? 

I have no advise-sounds like you are documenting well and also reacting appropriately to her ploys. What a wonderful person she must be in real life.

Yes... this is the case, and worse.

@llumine DH and I have talked about how to prove the phone ringing situation. There isn't anything we can do to prove it but I do have prove of the hanging up when we answer the phone.

It is specified in the C/O that BM is allowed 3 hours to call.

It is not legal to record the phone calls between SD's and BM. I had thought about video recording for the reactions but felt overwhelmed with everything. That is a very good question though. I will add that to the list of ?'s for the attorney. Thank you!

Abenedict2011

Definitely ask your lawyer, but I'd say the 6/23 visits is the biggest factor here. My lawyer told us that if she didn't show within 20minutes to leave the drop off place and document. A no show. We actually started calling an hour before and if BM didn't confirm she was coming we didn't waste our time. Also if you believe she is in drugs really push your lawyer to bring this up. Good luck

Pamelacake

When this C/O was put in, it was very vague. Lawyer told us to wait fifteen minutes, 30 if we wanted to be nice. He said if she appeared to be on drugs or alcohol to not let the visit happen.

BM called numerous times complaining, not about the supervised visits, but about being drug tested. We know nothing about this and she was probably lying. Drugs and alcohol were not even brought up in court, only the amount of hours she had spent with SD's during the EOWE C/O. 

*Short backstory on why we took her to court to have that changed, BM would always promise she was coming to pickup, and never show, call at or after pickup time to cancel, or just not call for weeks at a time, telling everyone else we were denying her visits, Even sometimes saying, I forgot it was my wknd, When we were even texting her to remind her that it was her wknd.

Still waiting for a response from the attorney. I have called again this morning.

cautionwillburneyes

I would video record answering the phone.  Put the phone on speakerphone when you answer so that you can document the hang ups.  That's the only way I can think of to document that behavior.

Pamelacake

@cautionwillburneyes we do that. =/ It is illegal to record their conversations for court purposes but older SD's counselor wanted us to do it for her. BM goes off on her the most, has gotten into fights with her FI while on the phone with SD and will cuss and scream at not only SD but if she thinks DH is in the room will cuss and scream at him.

I know BM records the phone convos between her and SD's, or she has tried. She and her FI had a conversation about it while on the phone with SD's. and you can hear the beep when she tries but you can also hear FI say " we had a problem, it didn't work"

**Called the attorney's office again today, the receptionist seemed very concerned and asked all kinds of questions so maybe we'll get a call back.