FF from the start?

HotChocolate79

Please share your experience and words of wisdom if you did not attempt BFing. In a nutshell I almost killed myself trying to BF DS1, but produced so little I basically ended up chained to a pump for days on end for 3 months, with sores on my nips that took almost a year to heal, just so he'd get 5-6 oz of BM per day (that's with taking Dom, which made me swell and feel sick). It put me in a tailspin of depression even long after switching to formula. I know this time I have no interest in any of it and just want to go straight to formula. The judgement out there - you mean you are not even going to TRY? It's your baby's RIGHT!! - is insane. I'd love to hear some practical advice and stories if you FF from the get go for similar reasons. Thanks ladies!

harmonicbabe26

No personal experience with doing it 100% (I bf'ed and supplemented) but I totally feel you! Social pressure is brutal, and our own mommy guilt can be even worse.

The only advice I can think of is first of all grow really thick skin and ignore any stupid, intrusive comments. Nobody's business but yours. And then at the hospital be very clear with nurses and docs from the very beginning that you do not wish to BF and ask for formula right away. They can't refuse, just don't act wishy washy and unsure to them. Again, not their business.

Good luck! All will be good.

jjva

@HotChocolate79, I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm due with my first in a couple of weeks, so I don't have the advice you're looking for. But I can say I'm planning to FF from the start and am expecting a lot of judgment. My OB has been great, but the hospital I'm delivering at is "baby friendly" and I have a feeling there will be some unpleasantness there.

My reasons for FF are mostly medication -- I have OCD and am at high risk for postnatal depression and especially anxiety. I've taken a low dose of Prozac throughout pregnancy but don't want to pass it along to my kid longer than I have to, especially because I've read it's safer in pregnancy than in breastfeeding (something about the half-life?). I was on Xanax as well before I got pg and went off it for the duration, but that's *definitely* not safe for BF and I am likely to need it occasionally. I also get migraines that are hormonally triggered and those meds aren't safe either (for pg or breastfeeding) -- so far if I've gotten one I can just lie down for 18 hours and hope it goes away, but that won't be possible with a newborn around.

But confession time: I also don't necessarily really want to breastfeed. I would definitely give it a try if it weren't for the meds, because I might love it and I have heard enough "breast is best" and/or "formula is poison" rhetoric that my own mommy guilt would make me.

 (as @harmonicbabe26 said.) But I know my issues can be triggered by lack of sleep and I'm excited that my husband and I can trade off feeding the baby and I won't be tethered to a pump for months on end. I'll be relieved when I'm not passing on medication to her anymore. I took the bare minimum during pg because I thought it'd be better for her to have a sane mommy, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have guilt around that anyway. And I've heard so many stories like yours, so many of my friends have said things like "the first month/two months/three months of my kid's life were the worst of my life" -- cracked nipples, wounds, bleeding, not enough production. Maybe I'd have that experience or maybe I'd have the awesome immediate bonding experience some other mamas get, but part of me is glad I don't have to find out ... That's hard to admit and I want to note I fully support breastfeeding and ladies' right to do it anywhere they want, anytime they want. For a lot of people it's the right choice and I think that's awesome. It just isn't for us.

Sorry for the rant. You know yourself, your baby and your body best and you're doing what's right for all of you. Be kind to yourself ok?

HopingforChange

I did partial formula feeding from the start. The nurses and my pedi were awesome. My reasons were similar to PP's--medications, anxiety, trouble with sleep deprivation. Just be clear with everyone that you've made up your mind. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone. You also don't have to feel guilty. Most babies from the 80s (myself included) were raised on formula. We are just fine!

BBColt78

I'm going straight to formula, right at the hospital. Like the PP story... I was only pumping 1oz total after three weeks of EP... I CANNOT put myself through that again.

I know the guilt you feel. I barely have DH on board with my decision and all of my friends are giving me a hard time. I'm getting close to telling everyone to screw off

I chose my formula and bottles and have them all ready in my hospital bag. Also, if you are trying to not have your milk come in, I hear to wear a sports bra, or two, and then throw some cabbage leaves in there.

SandFHasse

I'm sorry you went through all that. I attempted to breastfeed both of my kids, but ended up switching for different reasons. I didn't get too much judgement the first time. This time I had to supplement with formula to help with jaundice and I got terribly sick after my c section and the lactation consultant kept trying to push me to stop formula. Do what's best for you and your baby. Don't let anyone push you around.

DTNZ4Ever

I FF from the start with both DSs. With DS1 the only judgement I ever got was from the Bump when I posted when pregnant that I just wanted to go straight to FF and not BF. After that my pedi, nurses, hospital and OB said nothing. I never had judgement passed in public and when bottle feeding no one knows what is in the bottle. With DS2 never any judgement and have actually found the Bump more supportive of FF then 5 years ago. DS2 is a healthy smart bonded 5 year old. He was no more sick then any other DC baby.

Here is a great resource too.

https://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com

mandacann

I formula fed from the start. I knew that's what I wanted to do and never looked back. Nobody really said much to me, probably because I wouldn't care if they did. One nurse in the hospital asked why and when I said I simply had no desire to breastfeed she dropped it, same with my OB and friends. Honestly most of my family and friends understood because those who breastfed had a hard time.

I've heard stories from friends about being shamed for FF and I think the people that do that can smell guilt or something, so the best advice I could give would be to be firm and remember you don't have to explain yourself. If someone is being rude to you, excuse yourself from the conversation or flat out tell them you've made up your mind and you're not interested in a debate.

amyelew

We went to formula from the day he was born for medical reasons. I have lupus and there was concern about the medication I take. I held my head up high and committed to my decision. Yes there were comments and I never went into reasons. I would say.... This is the best decision for my family. It's no ones business on why. Ben is a healthy 14 month old. Honestly I think I got more sleep having a formula fed baby!!!

sleepymonkey

I have no advice for how to handle the rude comments you will probably get other than to just ignore them.  I will be in the same situation when/if we have a second baby.  DD is 5 1/2 months old and I tried BF but it didn't work out.  She latched great at first but I wasn't producing much of anything.  She had jaundice and in order for it to get better she had to eat a lot, which meant we had to give her a bottle when she was 2 days old.  She liked the instant reward of the bottle and it was all downhill after that.  I tried to pump on a schedule to get my supply up but it wasn't working and after 2 weeks, I gave up.  I was exhausted, both physically and mentally, so I made the decision to EFF.  When someone makes a comment about my decision to FF, I just say my daughter is fed, healthy, and happy and that's all that matters.

LizzieFaith83

I am a First Time Mommy and knew I would not be breast feeding for several reasons: 1-I wanted my husband to be able to have the same "connection" by feeding. 2-I am basically addicted to my DrPepper...giving up caffeine for 9 months was hard enough, but even I know that lacing my babies meals with the kiddo version of Speed is soooo not a good idea! 3-I suffer from migraines and need to be able to take medication without harmful effects to my son. So, one altruistic reason, one totally selfish and one medical...I have had a few people make comments, but have found that when I lead with the caffeine one and close with the one about Dad, that usually shuts them up quick. my son is 3 months now and it's been quite some time since anyone has said anything to me. Take a deep breath, smile and tell them it's one of the many parenting choices you have made will continue to make over the next many years. Good luck!

wesleycrusher

TheLibraryLady said:

I formula fed from the start. I knew that's what I wanted to do and never looked back. Nobody really said much to me, probably because I wouldn't care if they did. One nurse in the hospital asked why and when I said I simply had no desire to breastfeed she dropped it, same with my OB and friends. Honestly most of my family and friends understood because those who breastfed had a hard time. I've heard stories from friends about being shamed for FF and I think the people that do that can smell guilt or something, so the best advice I could give would be to be firm and remember you don't have to explain yourself. If someone is being rude to you, excuse yourself from the conversation or flat out tell them you've made up your mind and you're not interested in a debate.

Yes this!  Great advice. There are so many decisions to make as parents- in all aspects of life- we need to be confident in what we choose.  I FF from the start and no one ever said anything to me about it, but IDGAF what anyone would say anyway, I stand by the choices that DH and I have made for our family.

On a similiar notI FF from the start and one thing I noticed on the boards here is that 99% of the time when someone aks a question about formula feeding, they preface it with how they tried to breastfeed but couldn't for whatever reason, then they ask their question.  It irritates me to no end!

BethRN1987

We basically FF from the beginning. I had a breast reduction so my milk ducts got cut. In all honesty It didn't bother me knowing that I wouldn't be able to. I kind of get weirded out thinking about breastfeeding ( although it doesn't bother me to see others doing it- I can't figure it out)

My advice? Be prepared to try different formulas until you find the one that agrees with your LO. That was the most frustration for me as I would go but like 5 containers and then after one realize it wasn't working and I'd have to return the other four ( you'd think I would have learnt after doing this just once- but nope)

BBColt78

BethRN1987 said:

We basically FF from the beginning. I had a breast reduction so my milk ducts got cut. In all honesty It didn't bother me knowing that I wouldn't be able to. I kind of get weirded out thinking about breastfeeding ( although it doesn't bother me to see others doing it- I can't figure it out) My advice? Be prepared to try different formulas until you find the one that agrees with your LO. That was the most frustration for me as I would go but like 5 containers and then after one realize it wasn't working and I'd have to return the other four ( you'd think I would have learnt after doing this just once- but nope)

Me too lady. Can't explain it, but it's true.

brizer21

My DD is 3 months and we FF from the start. Like sorry other PP's on here I just never had the desire. I delivered at a "baby friendly" hospital too and did get some attitude from the nurses. Finally, in the post partum room during a shift change a new nurse came in and asked if we were breast or formula feeding. I replied "I'm formula feeding... Go ahead and lay on the guilt" she responded with a confession that she formula fed all 5 of her children and that breastfeeding for her felt like the equivalent of dragging her nipples on the highway outside. To each their own, she said.

I also agree to try different formulas until you find one that works- I was so scared of switching but got my ped's reassurance that they are all the same and going to give your baby the same nutrients.

Finally, it was so nice seeing my husband bond with my LO... Selfishly, It's also great to have help during the night... I didn't feel like the sole provider and there wasn't as much pressure. Now looking back I remember feeling guilty in public pulling out a bottle, but now I'm proud. LO was born 5 weeks early and was small- she's thriving, gaining weight and hitting milestones with the best of them... Oh ya... And sleeping through the night - proud mom here

bear12

I love this thread!  We tried to breastfeed in the hospital and I was sore from day 1 and I don't think I was producing enough.  My LO screamed for a day and a half, I was crying because she was upset and my husband was crying because we were crying and he couldn't help.  We had three LC come in and try to help but they just said that she was hungry and to keep feeding her.  We couldn't figure out what the problem was.  We decided right then to go with formula.  With formula, we know exactly how much she is getting and DH and others can help with the feeding so we can actually sleep and enjoy this newborn phase.  Luckily our LO took well to the formula that the hospital had.  We are using Enfamil Newborn.  She seems to spit up more with different nipples.  We bought the variety packs of Playtex and found that she really likes one shape more than others.  It fits her mouth well and slows her down so she doesn't end up spitting up.  

Good Luck and stay strong! :-)

PerpetualHJ

My husband and I have a plan for anyone who gives us attitude about formula feeding.  "Please enlighten us how is what we are feeding OUR baby affecting YOUR life in any way?"

jjva

PerpetualHJ said:

My husband and I have a plan for anyone who gives us attitude about formula feeding.  "Please enlighten us how is what we are feeding OUR baby affecting YOUR life in any way?"

I love it! I also have daydreams about going the super sarcastic route: "We just decided to feed her poison from the start because everyone knows formula fed babies are dumb as bricks and we thought a smart one would be way too challenging. We're not going to talk to her or read to her or hold her or anything either because what if she thrives?" That kind of thing.

fleurdlis

PerpetualHJ said:

My husband and I have a plan for anyone who gives us attitude about formula feeding.  "Please enlighten us how is what we are feeding OUR baby affecting YOUR life in any way?"

Love it!

peanut701

I don't have advice, but your post really resonated with me. The overwhelming pressure to breastfeed landed me in a psych ER. Nursing was just a disaster from the start despite two LCs. The first LC had me tape a tiny tube of formula to my breast because DD wasn't get enough and was losing weight. Draining the tube took an hour, which meant hour long feedings and destroyed and bleeding nipples. I switched to exclusive pumping, and that's when I really started to fall apart mentally. When the baby was sleeping, I was pumping or washing pump parts. I didn't sleep. Found myself in the ER suicidal and explaining to the doctors that if I formula fed, bacteria could get into the formula from improper hand washing and it could be fatal (there's a warning to this effect on the formula can... but I took it to another level). So my kid was hungry and I was suicidal and delusional. But breast is best, right? I think that some well-intentioned BF'ing advocates don't realize what a type-A or otherwise vulnerable personality will do with their advice. It nearly killed me. So I'm pregnant again and I know formula will be a part of the equation. Still struggling to decide if I want to get a little colostrum in there and then switch... or just 100% FF from the start. I guess the guilt and nuttiness is still in me to some extent.

jjva

Oh my gosh, @peanut701, I'm so sorry for what you went through.

sharksfan

I had no idea this board existed until tonight, but I'm so glad I found it and this thread! I FF my son from the start; I never had the desire to even try breastfeeding. The amount of judgement and lectures I got from every nurse that came into my room was insane. He is now a healthy and smart 2.5 year old boy and will be a big brother this fall. His little sister will also FF from the start because it worked for me before. It's nice knowing I'm not the only one out there. You see so much about people advocating for breast feeding parents, and quite frankly I feel like it's the formula feeders that need more advocates these days.

AppleJacks81

Like many on here have experienced - my first BFing go- around simply sucked. So the second time around I decided early on to formula feed from the start. Honestly, no one batted an eye in the hospital, my doctor didn't say a word either. The most judgement you will receive will happen if you go searching it out - the bump, breast feeding friends, etc. In general, regular society (unless someone is in the throes of baby raising at that moment, too) isn't really concerned with how you feed your kid. As far as making the decision, you can go round and round trying to make yourself feel guilty about not breast feeding. It's not worth it. My kids have been perfectly fine. In fact, some of my breast feeding friends have dealt with food allergies, ear infections, more than 3 have needed ear tubes - I'm just saying that breast feeding isn't some magic thing that prevents all ailments. And I admit, not being tied to feeding all day and night was more for me - I'm a busy, active, often antsy person. I just didn't have the patience breast feeding requires. And I'm okay with admitting that

peanut701

In considering whether to FF from the start with #2, it's not the judgment from others I'm concerned about. My issue is the judgment/ guilt that comes from myself. I'm battling between 100% FF vs. FF and a couple of nursings a day until I dry up. I feel bad about not giving the baby the colostrum, since it's supposedly important. I guess it's going to be a game time decision.

potbellypig

I breastfed DD exclusively and chose to FF DS. Maybe it's because I was 100% confident in my decision once he was born or maybe it's because he was my second, but I didn't get much flak for my choice (other than a little attitude from 1 nurse). I was really worried I'd get flak though, especially from DH's sisters who are very pro-BF.

If someone did say something I'd probably shrug it off and day "to each their own". I have my reasons and that's enough.

mrsseguin

I never attempted BF with any of my kids.  They were all on formula from day 1.  The only people who gave me a hassle about it were the nurses in the hospital.  I can't imagine people saying horrible things to people.  do what's right for you and your family.

Dumbgurl04

I'm a FTM so i don't really have any advice.  But thank you for posting this, I plan to FF from the start, I don't have problems with people who choose to BF I just don't feel it is for me.  I always feel very uncomfortable when I'm around women who do and when I think about even trying I get really bad anxiety about it.  I feel bad with how I will/am judge because i'm already having a hard time now with pregnancy on the emotional level (Some days I'm great other days I just feel sad about some reason or the other) I even had a friend who tried so hard to BF but just couldn't, she told me her struggles but still said that I have to try which I don't believe that espeically after she said the hositpal is going to force me to try.  Which when I first started going to the OB and asked about they said it's my choice and they will give me all the information they can for whatever choice I make.  Like they told me "It's not for everyone" 

Dumbgurl04

@LizzieFaith83 I love Dr Pepper as well....cutting back on it has been really hard

jjva

Dumbgurl04 said:

I'm a FTM so i don't really have any advice.  But thank you for posting this, I plan to FF from the start, I don't have problems with people who choose to BF I just don't feel it is for me.  I always feel very uncomfortable when I'm around women who do and when I think about even trying I get really bad anxiety about it.  I feel bad with how I will/am judge because i'm already having a hard time now with pregnancy on the emotional level (Some days I'm great other days I just feel sad about some reason or the other) I even had a friend who tried so hard to BF but just couldn't, she told me her struggles but still said that I have to try which I don't believe that espeically after she said the hositpal is going to force me to try.  Which when I first started going to the OB and asked about they said it's my choice and they will give me all the information they can for whatever choice I make.  Like they told me "It's not for everyone" 

I was really worried about this too (I posted in this thread a few days ago), but I had my wee bean last night and my "baby friendly" pro-BF hospital has actually been great about formula from the start. Only one tech out of the 8 health care providers we've interacted with here gave us any grief at all and even that was just to politely encourage me to BF colostrum at least. The nurses have been great at teaching us how to wield the bottle effectively etc. and nobody has tried to force me into anything (I was worried about that too). I can tell a couple of nurses aren't thrilled with our choice but as long as they don't treat me badly because of it, I don't care! I hope your experience is similar when it comes.

curlylocks3

We formula fed our twins from the get-go because, per my nephrologist, one of my kidney medications was not compatible with breastfeeding (for a multitude of reasons). I felt like I got a lot of judgement from the NICU doctors, who told me it would be fine (although they weren't willing to provide me with anything supporting this other than their opinion verbally). The nurses seemed ok with it. 

I've gotten a fair number of comments from other people, including people I barely know, who feel the need to tell me that they know people who breastfed their twins. I feel like the implication is "well they did it, why couldn't you?" I don't disclose the reason we opted for formula, sometimes I don't even respond; if I do respond I just matter of factly say that we have chosen to formula feed and move on. 

chicagobride_07

We were 100 percent formula feeding from the start. I had a high risk pregancy with hospital bedrest and a challenging birth. I was emotionally drained and knew BF was not for me. Even before pregnancy, I had dry irritated nipples (no one knows why, I've been screened for Paget's disease which was negative) and I knew BF would be very painful. I did get a lot of pressure from the hospital nurses to BF. After a week or so of this, I very firmly told them I was not breastfeeding, and to note it in my chart not to address it with me. It stopped. Our pedi was fine with us using formula. Everyone needs to do what is right for them.

sydgrl28

peanut701 said:

I don't have advice, but your post really resonated with me. The overwhelming pressure to breastfeed landed me in a psych ER. Nursing was just a disaster from the start despite two LCs. The first LC had me tape a tiny tube of formula to my breast because DD wasn't get enough and was losing weight. Draining the tube took an hour, which meant hour long feedings and destroyed and bleeding nipples. I switched to exclusive pumping, and that's when I really started to fall apart mentally. When the baby was sleeping, I was pumping or washing pump parts. I didn't sleep. Found myself in the ER suicidal and explaining to the doctors that if I formula fed, bacteria could get into the formula from improper hand washing and it could be fatal (there's a warning to this effect on the formula can... but I took it to another level). So my kid was hungry and I was suicidal and delusional. But breast is best, right? I think that some well-intentioned BF'ing advocates don't realize what a type-A or otherwise vulnerable personality will do with their advice. It nearly killed me. So I'm pregnant again and I know formula will be a part of the equation. Still struggling to decide if I want to get a little colostrum in there and then switch... or just 100% FF from the start. I guess the guilt and nuttiness is still in me to some extent.

I completely agree. This adds unnecessary stress on top of everything else.  It took me about 10 months to get over the guilt others put on me.  Next time I'll know better.   

saphires

I FF from the start. One piece of advice I will give you is don't feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone. That is the problem I have had and it just causes people to ask more questions. It is no ones business how you feed your child as long as you are feeding them! 
I received a lot of judgement from friends that have never had children and looking back I wish I would have told them where to go. 

sloger

My LO is 10 weeks and has been FF since the beginning. Three years ago I had a breast reduction and they told me I would only have a 1% of breast feeding so when I got pregnant I knew it was a slim change anyway so I wasn't dissapointed when I didn't produce anything. My nurses were wonderful where I delivered but everytime at shift change (during my 48 hour induction and our 3 day stay) they kept asking me if I was going to try breast feeding and the day before we were about to leave I asked one of the nurses if she could make it so people would stop asking me when they came in. She said that  had to "Encourage it" and I told her "It's not really any of your business but I don't produce anything because of a breast reduction." after that no one bothered me again. You just have to be assertive and don't let anyone tell you that you're doing something wrong! You are feeding your baby, who cares if its through formula our boob juice?

rmbrjry

I know this thread is a little older but your story sounded almost exactly like my own (low supply leading to horrible depression, etc...) so I wanted to comment. We are expecting our second in a few months and I absolutely plan to FF from day one, regardless of the judgement I encounter (from hospital staff, pediatricians office, family, colleagues, etc...). I know from last time that the happiness of me, my child, and my family as a whole is more important than anything else. Good luck to you in deciding what to do; I think you'll find the right solution for yourself and your family!

PrimRoseMama

It's your body & your choice. Your baby also has a right to a happy, healthy mother that is fully present to parent. Martyrs don't win. Everyone loses.

I've never FF'd from the start, but you are in control. Don't let anyone take your happiness from you because they are ignorant, nosy fuckers.

HotChocolate79

Ladies, thank you SO much for sharing your stories and advice. I had some complications at the end of my pregnancy, so things got a little crazy but I wanted to come back for a quick update. I was heavily leaning towards formula, but this decision was only strengthened after we learned that DS had IUGR. I just wasn't going to put a tiny premature baby through the same ordeal I experienced with my older son. Perhaps being certain of my decision helped, but almost everyone I came in contact with at the hospital was super supportive. Many nurses commented that they are forced to 'encourage' BF even to people who are unlikely to be successful with it, and that they commended me for knowing what was best for me and my baby. The flak I've gotten from some family members - I was afraid of it but honestly in reality I could care less. It's not the first or last time I do something they disapprove of. Such is life. Once I adapted that attitude, it really stopped to matter so much what they think. Long story short - it turned out way better than I thought.